Office Space 2

[Jolly Rogers]

I read this on another board, someone was sick of his day job and decided to quit, and asked for suggestions on how to "go out in style". This guy replied with enough ideas to make 10 Office Space movies:

When two (ore more) people are working a desks that are put next to each other, switch their telephone cords. With all those cables lying around it will take some time before they find that one out!

Put a peice of onion or a clove of garlic inside the mouthpiece of a phone. Give it some time for it to fester and build up a strong odor. Then call them and keep them on the phone for as long as possible.

It is allways a good habit to lock your computer before heading off for coffee or a smoke. When someone forgets and leaves a Word document or an email open, type a single word somewhere in the text. “f*ck” or so will do nicely. They’ll never notice and send it out.

Get a hold of someone's cell phone and change the greeting banner to say "NO SERVICE". Many cell phones have greeting banners on them that you can personalize to say whatever you want them to and it stays on there when you're not using your phone. Also, when there is no service where you are, most cell phone companies have a banner that pops up on your screen saying "no service".

Take a can of non gel shaving cream, and put it in a freezer. When it is frozen remove the bottom of the can and put it in co worker's drawer. When it melts it expands and explodes all over everything.

Go into MS Word or similar program on co-worker's computer, and add an entry to the AutoCorrect feature. This is a very simple prank that will send the novice user into a frenzy. Configure the AutoCorrect option to replace the word "the" with the phrase "you suck!". They will usually panick and start scanning for viruses.

Take clear tape and tape the underside of the mouse. Make sure you take the sticky end of the tape and apply it to the bottom of the mouse so it locks the ball in place. The victim will most likely check the connections in the back, reinstall drivers, reboot, etc., before they realize what has happened.

Do a "Print Screen" of the user's desktop, and then paste the image from the clipboard to a photo program, and save the image as a bitmap. Then, set the 'snapshot' of their desktop as the actual desktop wallpaper. (You'll have to hide the Windows status bar, and move all their desktop icons into a folder, which you can hide conspicuously in the corner or something.) The user will see their desktop as always, but everything on it will appear to be frozen when they try to click on it...sending them into a rebooting and virus scanning fit!

This will mostly only work with people with very little PC knowledge. Stick in a floppy in there floppy drive. They will be unable to boot up windows until the disk is out. This is fun to watch.

Try to find a very obnoxious CD laying around. Preferably a reggae or rap CD. Pop it in their CD ROM. Put up the sound full blast by double clicking on the volume control on the bottom right. On normal configurations the audio CD will autoplay when windows first starts up. The person starting up there PC in the morning will definitely be embarrassed.

This is for that special person you just cant stand in the office, the one who talks on the phone all day with their boyfriend/girlfriend and gets personal e-mail all day. Go into their e-mail and change their defaults to autmatically "blind carbon copy" their boss or supervisor. Heads will roll!

Change the coffee in the office coffe maker to decafe. Wait about three weeks(or untill you think everybody has gotten over their caffine addiction)and switch to expresso!

Try "password securing" someone's screen saver. First I suggest changing the screen saver to "scrolling marque" and inserting your own word or phrase, "Mr. Jones (president or supervisor) eats SHlT" or something to that effect.

With someone who is on the phone a lot during work - This works if you have phones that the handset comes apart. Take the handset apart and put scotch tape over the mouthpeice inside. They can still be heard, but they have to talk loud to be heard. The next day take it off, and put it in the earpeice. Usually they will be yelling to the other person on the line the next day, and won't be able to hear them. When they complain about the phone, and get a replacement, do it on the next phone. After about a week you will notice the calls to be down considerably.

Depending where you are at you may have a cafeteria in you place of work. Every week most of them put out a menu so you know what they are serving. Usually it is done on Word or Excel, and not extremely fancy. With a little work, matching fonts, and images you can make your own menus, and post them by your desk. We had one co-worker avoid the cafeteria for 2 weeks because of the selection "fish head stew" etc... before he caught on. Works great with picky eaters.

My absolutely most favorite prank I have saved for last. It is so simple to do and yields such nice results. Simply pop out the 'm' and 'n' key on someone's keyboard and reverse the two. Any flat tool will work. Just pry it with little pressure and they will easily come right off. Then just sit back and watch the confusion.

Get everyone but your target in on it and never come by his or her office twice in a row wearing the same clothes. The perfect sanity test....

Staple every unimportant paper on their desk together.

If your target has a computer, reposition the monitor everyday.

Fill an empty white-out bottle with milk and replace it with your co-worker's.

Put a live lobster or any other creature in the file cabinet.

If computer has speakers turn the volume all way up or way down, depending on your mood.

Taping down the switch hook buttons on a phone gets some interesting reactions. When the target person answers, the phone keeps ringing.

Program the target's phone to forward to the office paging system.

Ask your target, "Are you getting fired? Well, that's the rumor."

Does your coworker have fish in the office? Take the fish and leave a ransom note.

Pull the labeled buttons off of their phone and rearrange the order and put them back on their phone. They won't be sure of which line is which or which connects them to the boss!

Tape your victim's telephone receiver down at top and bottom when they are away from their desk. When they come back, call them from your desk and watch them struggle to answer.

Put transparent tape over the read out of a calculator. It makes the numbers blurry.

If your boss wins some kind of prestigious award, manufacture a phony memo from the company president announcing the discontinuance of the award.

Buy a package of approximately 200 of those little paper bathroom cups and neatly arrange them all over the subject's desk. Then staple them all together and fill them with water. See how long it takes them to figure out how to get rid of this set-up without spilling water all over their paperwork, files, computer, etc....

Take the paper out of the copier and write "Everything written on the flip side of this paper is a lie!" Put it back into the copier mixed with regular sheets.

Buy a voice changer at Toys 'R' Us and answer the phone in strange voices.

Does somebody smoke at work when they're not supposed to? Put Ambesol on the filter of their cigarettes. Watch as their lips and mouth go numb when they light up!

Get Valerian Root capsules (at health food stores) and when co-worker is away from desk, take his phone apart and open a capsule or two of Valerian Root in the mouthpiece then replace. Guaranteed to smell terrible!

At lunch, swap the worker's real food with look-a-like dog toys.

If someone is applying for a job, call them back and leave a wrong number. They go crazy for a while until you call them back apologizing.

If the drawers to the victim's desk has a board under it you can take the drawer out, take the contents out, put the drawer back in, but UPSIDE-DOWN! Then, while the upside-down drawer is partially opened, put the contents back in and close it. When the unsuspecting victim opens the drawer, all the contents fall out!

Take some cellophane and open up the glue bottle. Put the cellophane across the opening, then close the bottle. Watch the victim try to squeeze glue out. They either open it up to check, or they squeeze too hard, breaking the cellophane and spraying glue everywhere.

Tell a new worker that everyone has tomorrow off because of the boss's religious beliefs. See if he shows up the next day.

Find a box about the size of a cake. Then cover it with frosting, making it look like a cake. Then put it out in the office kitchen, or wherever people leave free food. Sit back as one of your co-workers tries to cut a slice.

Bake cookies for everyone. Divide the dough. For one batch, bake normally. For the second, add cayenne pepper, Tabasco sauce, peppercorns, etc.

Put confetti in a co-worker's umbrella. Simple, harmless, annoying

Buy some Vaseline and smear it all over the phone. Especially effective when they're expecting an important call. Best of all, no permanent damage to the phone!

Pick a deserving target (let's say "Kathy"). Come in early and leave a Post-It on everyone else's monitor saying "See me when you get in -- Kathy."

Icy Hot on the toilet seats.

This is a classic prank that works best in an office setting. All you need to do is go to your local grocery store, and buy a LARGE amount of gelatin (not Jell-O, just clear disgusting-tasting gelatin). Go to your bathroom at work -- this works best with the men's urinal/stall combo bathroom -- and put it in the toilets. You'll need to use 3-4 "servings" per toilet, but this is still quite inexpensive. Within minutes, the water in the toilets will have congealed into a CLEAR, yet hard substance. Now, when someone goes into a stall (which means, of course, that they have to expel solid waste), their feces will fall out, bounce up, then remain SITTING on top of the toilet "water," stinking like hell! This does no permanent damage -- all you have to do is scoop about 1/2 of the congealed water out, then flush, and it's gone.

Take a paperclip and make a a few dozen photocopies of it. Mix them up with normal, unused paper. Watch people go crazy trying to find the paperclip that's stuck in the photocopier.

You've probably never heard of this one. It is quite similar to the sponge in the toilet trick except much more vicious. My friend did this at one of the residence halls at his college and they had to evacuate half the building. He was expelled for doing it -- he couldn't keep his mouth shut about his heroic feat -- so be careful whom you telling about your deeds. Let's get down to business. What you need is:

-A Large box of the worst tea you can find (100 teabags at least)

-Lots of yeast

-Lots of sugar

Empty each teabag of its contents, then fill those empty teabags with 2/3 sugar and the rest with yeast. Make like a huge pile of them so you can be sure you won't run out. Also, make sure to staple together the top of the tea bags so they are sealed closed.

Now for the fun part: Find a building to sabotage, preferably a school of some sort or maybe a dorm. Visit each bathroom and flush 5-10 baggies down the toilet. Then make sure to STAY THE HELL OUT OF THE PLACE FOR THE NEXT FEW WEEKS. The entire sewer system will be infested with colonies of fermenting yeast and as a result feces will be oozing all over the place - out of every toilet, sink, shower drain, and anything else connected to the sewers.

PS: For even more cruelty, throw in some thick rubber gloves filled halfway with the same mixture plus water. Flush them down along with everything else (you might have to down size them a bit). Many people will be wondering what is bursting inside their walls... until s%#t comes oozing out everywhere and there is not a single spared pipe in the building

[Agent ONE]

As I am sure this thread is doomed.. it went straight to the HD... Ill read it later.

[Jolly Rogers]

Turned out the guy decided to leave professionally, but his assclown manager decided to provoke him after being told his "punk kid" of an employee wants to quit, so he ended up smashing the place up before he took off.

There were other suggestions including using a spongeball to clog up the toilet, placing unsealed bags of shrimp around and leave them to rot, but this one is the nastiest of them all:

The best advice I can give to dealing with crappy managers is to do the following.

I preface this by saying that my new manager sounds alot like your old manager. This cock-sucker destroyed my nametag while I was on vacation because it had a Nintendo sticker on it. Not "corporate standard" like his.

Soooooooo,

Since it's Summer, go outside before work for awhile. Get some exercise, get a little sweaty. Come in with your shirt untucked on a day when the manager isn't working. Excuse yourself to the backroom, and grab his nametag.

Now, here's the important part......

RUB his nametag into the sweatiest part of your xxxxs, right underneath your xxx by your xxxhole. Get it good. Leave it someplace warm to dry and fester a bit. Then tell him about it on the day you quit. I plan to when I quit.

MWAHAHAHAHA!

[Blaine23]

Bummer... I actually thought this thread meant Mike Judge was making a sequel.

Peter! Breast Exam's on!

And the best way to quit a job is in the movie Half-Baked:

"F-you, F-you, F-you, You're pretty cool, F-you, and I'm out."

[bsu legato]

Bummer... I actually thought this thread meant Mike Judge was making a sequel.

Word.

Oh well, I'll go back to patiently waiting for his as-yet untitled movie, due in 2005.

[Guppy]

From what I've heard, Mike Judge's new film sounds a lot like Futurama - an average joe gets put into hibernation for 1000 years and when he wake up, finds that the human race's IQ has dropped thru the floor, making him the smartest man on earh. stars Luke Wilson (Old School, Royal Tenenbaums, etc)

[Duke Togo]

It is allways a good habit to lock your computer before heading off for coffee or a smoke. When someone forgets and leaves a Word document or an email open, type a single word somewhere in the text. “f*ck” or so will do nicely. They’ll never notice and send it out.

I've done that!

[eugimon]

yup, sucks, thought there was actually gonna be a sequel.. though, hard to see how given how the movie ended...

hahaha, when I worked at a dot com during the boom, we would do crap like this all the time.... not surprisingly, the company didn't do too hot.

[EXO]

Doesn't need a sequel... leave it alone!!!

[soze]

Hehe, the best is when you start sending spoof mails... (Programmers will know what I'm talking about). If you're very familiar with computers you can figure out it's not really coming from that person, but the "casual office user" usually gets quite confused. I've sent many a co-worker to another co-worker's desk to "help with the problem the second co-worker had". The 2nd co-worker would say "I didn't send you an e-mail".... then they would both proceed to be confused.