Lord Sputnik Posted July 3 Posted July 3 I've been a big fan of the Macross franchise for a long time, and I especially love Macross 7. I started writing a Macross fanfic that I hope could fit in the Macross universe based on the history of the Macross animated series. I got immense writer's block with it but have started picking it up again so I was hoping to get a little bit of feedback from other Macross fans before I post more chapters. If everyone ignores this, I totally get it. 😅 Macross Destiny Macross 8 and 10 find a habitable planet, and both fleets have different ideas of how to use it. An enemy spurs conflicts between both Macross fleets. This is for fans of Macross, especially for those that loved Macross 7! Quote
Lord Sputnik Posted July 12 Author Posted July 12 Maybe nobody wants to read it on Webnovel... I'll post it here one chapter at a time behind spoiler tags to keep it from creating a wall of text. If nobody is truly interested, I can just stop, I can understand that fan fiction isn't terribly popular in this universe. Chapter 1 - Setting the Stage Spoiler Two young men sat near each other, holding acoustic guitars in their laps. The room was worn down, but the recording equipment was in good condition. The couch they sat on was dilapidated yet comfortable if you sat in the right spot. Two heavily used electric guitars and a bass hung from the wall. While they were very worn, each instrument appeared to be maintained well. One of the men played expertly, his slender fingers hitting each chord with a precision that only a genius could obtain. The other man intently watched while trying to absorb everything the other man played. The sound of light guitar chords rang gently through the air of the small room. The rhythm was accurate but relatively mechanical. After a few dozen chords, the noise stopped. "Now you try," Oscar said. Dirk had to pause for a moment after Oscar finished playing. He felt life was unfair, having blessed Oscar with genius talent and movie star good looks. Dirk knew that Oscar didn't choose to have flawless hair, blemish-free skin, and a smile that made angels sigh. He knew that Oscar didn't steal the talent of past music greats to be gifted at the guitar, bass, and piano. Okay, maybe he was a little jealous. Regardless, Oscar was a good friend and teaching him to play the guitar for free, so he couldn't complain. As usual, Oscar wore a clean polo shirt that matched his dress slacks and seemed out of place in their rundown practice area. His clean looks and handsome appearance seemed ethereal. Dirk firmly gripped the neck of the guitar with his left hand and squeezed the guitar pick with his right hand. "You're tensing up already," Oscar said with a slight smile. "I can't help it. I get excited to make music!" Dirk exclaimed. Oscar shook his head slightly and watched Dirk. Dirk was still in his dark military pilot suit, but it looked to be a little more comfortable after Dirk removed the top and left just the white undershirt up top. His hair was messy, and his looks were decent, but what Oscar admired about Dirk was how his eyes lit up when he talked about music. Oscar listened close to Dirk as he strummed through each chord one at a time. After the third chord, Oscar winced and said, "Don't strum the first string on A." "Sorry, chords are hard to remember, why can't I just use single notes and go with my gut like a true rocker?" Oscar rubbed his tear ducts as if he was starting to get tired, then stated, "You think that is all it is? Try playing Mary Had a Little Lamb with just your gut then. I'll even be okay with you just playing the 3 note version." Dirk grinned, then moved his finger to the fret he thought felt right and plucked his first note. *twang* Dirk grimaced and slid his hand up the neck to the next fret he thought felt right, then plucked the note. *twang* Dirk frowned and slid his hand up again for the third note that felt right but touched a guitar peg before he could hit the note that felt right. He quickly slid his hand down to get the right note on the next string. *twaaaang* The note that played was so far off that Dirk didn't even try for the next one. "See? You can't use just feeling. You need to understand the notes, chords, and scales," Oscar explained. Suddenly a boot kicks through the door, and a tall male Zentradi comes in carrying a projector. Behind him was a short Human male that scurried in behind the Zentradi. The young Zentradi yells, "It's time my dudes!" Dirk grins at the sight of his best friend, Roy Charles. He was the keytarist in their band, The Red Bombers, and liked to act larger than life. Roy sported a pair of sunglasses indoors that went well with his buzzcut and tanktop. His camo pants made one think he was military, but it was just what he liked to wear. The human behind Roy was Lyle Armstrong. Lyle was the drummer and technical expert of their band. He was a short, round human who frequently found himself fascinated with anything with a consistent tick or beat. He was average in every sense but had been best friends with Dirk and Lyle since they were children. Lyle quickly sat on the last good spot on the couch as Roy plugged in the projector and set it up in the center of the room. Roy shouts, "It's time for the Night Hawks concert! They're still the biggest rock band on Macross 10!" While they were on Macross 8, they were now within broadcasting range of Macross 10 due to both fleets orbiting the same planet, planet Aquillane. Macross 8 and Macross 10 discovered planet AQ-117, "Aquillane," and now orbited it. Planet Aquillane was much smaller than Earth, with a tiny landmass, but it boasted a tremendous amount of freshwater, which is odd for a planet of this size. Dirk didn't care why they were still orbiting the planet, but getting media from another fleet was nice. All four members of The Red Bombers watched the projection like fanboys, hoping to reach their level someday! Dirk couldn't help himself and would sing along with the lead singer, Miss Rayven. He caught Roy getting excited whenever the projection showed their keyboardist, Lisa Rollins. He could understand why since she was his type, outgoing, beautiful, and played the keyboard. Roy started to get closer to the projection when it focused on Lisa for a few seconds. Dirk finally had to yell, "You're blocking the view, Roy!" "Miss Rayven gets too much screen time. Let me enjoy my Lisa!" Oscar then went closer as if to hug the projection. Dirk and Lyle stood up and pulled Roy away from the projection. Oscar couldn't help but admire their friendship, then noticed the time and said, "I need to get going." "Sucks to be you!" Roy said, then took the space on the couch that Oscar was sitting in. Oscar walked towards the door, opened it, then asked, "Concert this weekend, right?" The other three bandmates nodded in unison while their eyes still focused on the projection of the Night Raven's concert. Oscar smiled softly, then whispered to himself, "Music junkies..." __________ The fans packed the stadium beyond capacity. The crowd roared as the Night Raven's performance raged through the night. The biggest hit, "Burning for You," reached the final climax as the vocalist let out the last lines. Burn Burn Burning for you! A beautiful young woman with dark-red hair dressed in all black made it off stage despite the screams from the audience begging for more. Her red lipstick accentuated her dark eyeshadow and eyeliner. The guitar swung from her shoulders freely, and she quickly passed the mic and guitar to the first person she saw and then reached out her hand as if to grab something. A person quickly ran up with a bottle of water, handed it to her, and then hurried away. "Amy! I need-" "Here it is, Rayelle." A woman in a business suit in her late twenties handed Miss Rayven a headset as if knowing what she was going to ask. "Thank you." Rayelle Venusia was her real name, but her stage name was Miss Rayven. While it isn't hard to figure out where her name came from, she would wear enough makeup on stage to still walk around the street peacefully. The woman that handed Rayelle the headset was her band's manager, Amy Andrews. Rayelle's family hired her initially against her will, but now Rayelle depends upon her like an older sister almost. Rayelle held up the headset to one ear while sipping on the water. She was listening to her performance just now and frowned slightly. "It's missing something," Rayelle muttered. Amy rolled her eyes and said, "You're being too hard on yourself. Just look at the crowd's reaction! You are on fire!" "Put any more lights on me in this solid black outfit and I might actually catch fire!" "Stay here any longer and the fans might set fire to the stage," Amy countered. "Alright, alright!" Rayelle said anxiously. She quickly turned towards a mirror and got herself back into character as Miss Rayven, the lead singer and frontwoman for the Night Ravens. Once satisfied, she grabbed her guitar and a mic and trotted back on the stage. As Miss Rayven, she gave her guitar a single chord, and the audience roared back to life. Rayelle yelled, "Let's keep it going!" The concert roared on! __________ Deep below the ocean on Planet Aquillane, a certain entity started to stir. "...Spir...Spiritia..." Quote
Lord Sputnik Posted July 13 Author Posted July 13 Chapter 2 - Attention Pilots Spoiler Rayelle sat cross-legged outside a cafe in City 9. She didn't have her stage makeup on or the red hair coloring, so she didn't attract much attention. Still, a few bodyguards sat nearby just in case. The worst one was her bassist. "ADAM!!" Rayelle yell-whispered just like a mother scolding a child in public. Adam Hunt was the bassist of Night Hawks. He was also a pilot in the military due to his insistence on following Rayelle. Adam was a large half-human/Zentradi who acted like a protective older brother. He favored a tank top and military fatigues casually because he claimed he wanted to be ready for action at any moment. Fortunately, Macross 10 hasn't seen any military action since the day it launched. Adam was also the reason for Rayelle's current headache when she watched him intimidate two girls from entering the cafe. "What are you doing, Adam?!?" "They could be carrying weapons!" "They were only carrying smart phones, where would the weapons be?" "Those could've been artificial limbs, they could be packing some serious heat in those things!" Rayelle shook her head in despair. A gentle voice cut through the noise and said, "Who is packing some heat?" Rayelle turned to look at the next source of a headache. This tall, gratuitously handsome man was Garrett Forger. He was the current number one movie star on Macross 10. His perfect facial features made him seem like he came out of a painting, while his body was the ideal balance of muscle tone and bulk. He wore a white suit despite the warm weather. Behind him, his entourage pulled up in a limousine and two escort vehicles and started to block the area, as his appearance always caused a crowd to form. A few fangirls had already spotted him and screamed his name. Garrett smiled and waved politely before taking his seat across from Rayelle, and Adam quickly sat at the table next to them. Rayelle couldn't decide if it was better for Adam to leave or to have him stay and keep staring daggers at Garrett. She decided on the latter. Garrett did his best to ignore Adam and said softly to Rayelle, "Jokes aside, you've been cold to me lately, Rayelle. What's wrong?" "This, us, everything, I don't know. Our relationship became a publicity stunt and it's not fair to you when you have so many options," Rayelle said while sweeping her hands at the crowd, mostly of women, that had started to circle the area. "Yes, but nobody holds a candle to your fire. Just like your hit song, I burn for you." Rayelle blushed slightly. She wasn't sure if it was from his feelings or the accidental pun, but it was somewhat refreshing. "Maybe, but I can't change that I don't feel anything for you anymore." "I can't force you, but I will get you to fall in love with me again," Garrett said, then flashed his perfect smile as he got up to leave. Rayelle took a big sip of her iced coffee to cool herself down because she was still weak to his good looks. She didn't want attraction anymore; she wanted a connection. Adam rushed over to Rayelle and said, "Rayelle, we're going to want to leave as soon as he does." Rayelle nodded. Meeting in public with Garrett was never pleasant because she would get hounded by fans and reporters after Garrett left. They quickly got in their SUV and left. __________ Dirk gripped his guitar excitedly as he slowly walked out on stage. He felt the surge of excitement from the millions of fans that had come to see him and his band, The Red Bombers. The crowd roared as he approached the microphone, "BOMBERS! BOMBERS! BOMBERS!" From above, a man with spiky hair and round glasses came hang-gliding towards the stage. Dirk's eyes opened wide as one of his inspirations was coming to see him. Dirk shouted, "FIRE!" The hang glider smacked Dirk square in the forehead and brought him back to reality. "Wake up! You have drills soon!" Dirk looked up to see a familiar face looking over him. Louis Maddox, a young male Zentradi who Dirk initially thought used his family to become a Captain. He realized he was mistaken after seeing Louis's continuous effort and dedication to the military. Dirk shot up in his bunk and then sharply said, "Sir, sorry sir!" "You know I hate that. It feels weird enough being the youngest in a squad with the highest-rank." Dirk shrugged, then asked, "What did you hit me with anyways?" "Nothing, that was all you. You shouted 'FIRE' while sitting up in bed, then smacked your head on the bunk above you. Sleep at home for once!" Dirk didn't like sleeping at home when he had military exercises because he was such a deep sleeper that not even an alarm would wake him up. Dirk rolled out of his bunk, then quickly hopped into his flight suit. Flying in the atmosphere was the only thing that got him as excited as singing. He didn't mind space flight, but it felt more suffocating when all around you has nothing but the blackness of space. Dirk and Louis followed the other pilots out to the hangar. Eventually, they joined up with the female pilots. A familiar woman with short green hair weaved through the other pilots to make her way toward Dirk. "Good morning, Helena." Helena Stark, a female half-human/Zentradi, is the Captain of Dirk's squad. Her flight suit and uniform were always crisp and clean, just like her personality. She kept her green hair short in military fashion and never wore any jewelry that Dirk could see. Dirk would consider her cute if she would loosen up a little bit, but he knew she was just being responsible as the Captain. Helena glared at Dirk for not using her rank but let it go and said, "Good morning, Lieutenant Dirk Millo. I trust you are aptly prepared for today's joint exercise?" Dirk checked his breast pocket for his earpiece and music player, then looked back at Helena and firmly said, "Ma'am, all set, Ma'am!" Helena's anger started to rise visibly. From behind Helena, a tall Zentradi female with her hair in a side ponytail clapped Helena on the back and said, "He's a music junkie, just let it go." This woman was Elise Maddox, Louis's older sister. She was the polar opposite of Louis. Elise was lazy and sloppy but highly talented as a pilot. Her figure was amazing, but Dirk couldn't stand her personality. "Are you going to sing again for us today?" Elise teasingly asked. Dirk recalled the incident where he sang during an exercise and accidentally switched to an open comm channel for everyone to hear. "That was an accident!" Elise inched closer to Dirk, then wrapped her arm around his and whispered, "I can sing too you know." Helena finally snapped and bonked Dirk and Elise on the top of their heads. "Go find your squad!" Louis just shook his head at his sister. He knew she was fascinated by humans, but she would start to get a reputation by saying things like that to just anyone. "Dirk, she's..." Dirk put his hand up to stop Louis and said, "I know, she's just messing with me. I'm not the least bit attracted to her." "Liar. We all saw your reaction," Louis said with a grin. "That's because-" Helena grabbed Dirk by the arm and pulled him away suddenly, then shouted to Louis, "Time to get serious, we're here." Louis nodded, then walked off to find his spot in the hangar. Dirk quickly found his place behind Helena and folded his arms behind his back, with his feet facing squarely forward. He acknowledged his other squadmate, Alek, when he passed. Alek was a Human male about the same age as Dirk. He is quiet and always arrives on time every time. Alek would listen to orders but could never be found outside the military complex, which confused Dirk a bit. "Good morning, Alek," Dirk said politely. "Good morning," Alek plainly replied, then took his place a few steps behind Dirk. Twenty-four pilots lined up neatly, eight columns wide and three pilots in each column. The Captains stood in front while their two squad members stood behind them, arms folded behind their backs. Glancing around, Dirk felt everyone seemed more excited than usual. He thought today was going to be another atmospheric flight drill. A small armed escort came from the main personnel door in the rear center of the empty hangar. The guards on duty turned to salute the large Zentradi male that came through it wearing silver stars on his shoulders. "Pilots salute!" roared the officer on duty. All pilots in the hangar saluted towards the General that approached the makeshift podium. General Ricardo Maddox, the large Zentradi man, stood in front of the podium. His uniform stood out gallantly compared to their flight suits. General Maddox was also the grandfather of Louis and Elisa, but he did not dote on them in the least. Dirk knew something big was happening if General Maddox showed up. He suddenly had an epiphany as soon as the General returned their salute. Today was the day they would begin joint exercises with Macross 10! Quote
Lord Sputnik Posted July 16 Author Posted July 16 Chapter 3 - Pre-flight Warmup Spoiler Dirk unconsciously gulped when he remembered they would fly with Macross 10 squadrons today. "At ease," General Maddox said sternly. Everyone's left foot slid outwards while their hands clasped behind their backs, and all attention turned towards General Maddox. "Good morning, pilots! Today we will be flying with your brethren from Macross 10. I hope none of you disappoint the fleet, as you will be the first to represent all of us. Although most of our forces now use autonomous drones, we can all agree that would be boring as hell to watch." General Maddox reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a generic remote control. He handed it to the officer on duty, then said, "Here is a preview of what we'll be giving to the top contributors. I leave them to you, Colonel." General Maddox stepped down from the podium and sat in a chair near the back of the hangar. A toned Zentradi woman stepped up to the podium and firmly spoke to the pilots, "I am Colonel Ida Freeman. I will supervise your exercises now that we're starting to receive more attention from the U.N.S." Dirk remembered this woman was a feared flight instructor due to her excessive physical fitness training a few years ago. She received a promotion after showing excellent strategic analysis during mock battles. While that seemed like a stretch to him for a reason for promotion, it also reminded Dirk that a time of peace isn't so bad. Colonel Ida continued, "Both sides will still be using the old VF-171 Nightmares, but we managed to get the materials to assemble two squadrons of these." Dirk recalled the VF-171 that was assigned to him fondly. The VF-171 shared the same overall look as traditional earth fighters while in fighter mode. The extended canopy offered a better view than previous generation fighters. However, it was still a mass-production model, and Dirk and the other pilots yearned for higher-performance models or variants. He was glad he could fit a Basara Nekki bobblehead on the console. Colonel Ida let her words trail off as she pressed the remote's button. The nearest hangar opened up, and a white variable fighter was taxied out for all to see. Every pilot became excited upon seeing a fresh VF-25 Messiah roll up. They had training in the aging VF-171, and after hearing about the incidents across the galaxy, they wanted some of the newer military hardware. Dirk momentarily forgot about his VF-171 after seeing the VF-25 rollout. He considered the VF-25 a huge upgrade to the smaller VF-171. Improved weaponry, maneuverability, and energy-converting armor in all modes would make any pilot prefer the VF-25 over the VF-171. "I'm sure you're all familiar with this beauty. We've managed to secure enough for three squadrons worth. The three best-performing squadrons will get reassigned to them. Today each squad will get a chance to do dogfight exercises with another squad from Macross 10. Beams only, fight to target lock, last squad standing wins." The pilots started fidgeting, each anxious to show off their skills. "Captain Louis Maddox, your squadron will fly first, after that..." Colonel Ida listed off the remaining seven squadrons with Dirk's squad flying sixth out of the eight squadrons today. "That is all, Captain Maddox, prepare to sortie, the rest of you, fall out!" Colonel Ida barked. The pilots mingled amongst themselves before the exercises began. Louis and Dirk exchanged a brief handshake. "First again, you've worked hard, maybe too hard," Dirk said jokingly. Louis grinned and countered by saying, "Hah! I have to or else I'll lose to the geniuses!" "If only we had some," Dirk quietly said while glancing at Helena. Helena rolled her eyes and said, "It takes a genius of patience to put up with your impulsiveness!" "I don't know what you're talking about. We were just having a little bit of fun. Nobody was hurt... I think." Helena started to get angry again, remembering when Dirk and Elise broke the formation to race each other. The resulting sonic booms at low altitude near City 8 destroyed a few windows, but nobody was hurt unless you count emotional damage. She looked Dirk square in the eyes, grabbed his collar, then said threateningly, "I want to be at the top of the squadron ranks. I want to fly in that VF-25. Lastly, I want you to help me with that! Stop wasting your talent and just be serious about this, I'd give you anything you want if you help me this time!" Dirk wanted to turn to Louis for support, but he had already disappeared. He panicked slightly and said the first thing that came to mind when Helena said she would do anything. "Oh, so you'd go on a date with me?" Helena's face turned a barely noticeable shade of pink then she took a step closer to get in a position to flip Dirk while saying, "You still can't be serious!" Dirk felt Helena's hip bump against his in preparation to flip him on his back, and he blurted out hastily, "I'm sorry! I will put more effort into this than ever!" The other pilots were watching them. Some thought it was a fight, and others thought it was a lover's quarrel. Helena imagined herself hip-tossing Dirk a few times and was able to relax. She took a step back from Dirk and said, "We'll see. I plan to go career military. I can't do anything else." "You need to find what excites you! As everyone here knows, music excites me! Did you see the Night Ravens' concert last night?" Overhearing Dirk mention the Night Ravens, some pilots started to nod and probably reminisce about last night's concert. "Of course, and I know what excites me!" Helena felt something silly come over her and sang the last few lines from The Night Ravens' latest hit, "Burn, burn, burning for you!" and then pointed at the YF-25. Seeing Helena out of character made everyone that witnessed it cheer. Helena turned a bright shade of red, unsure of what came over her to suddenly do that. Dirk cheered the loudest and shouted, "Yeah! That's the power of song!" Before Dirk could say anything else, a siren buzzed throughout the hangar, signaling that the variable fighters would be moved to the ground level for take-off. The pilots watched while 24 VF-171 Nightmares rolled out of their bays to the staging area. Dirk, Helena, and Alek walked over to their area together. Helena pulled Dirk and Alek closer and said, "Since we're going sixth, pay attention to the groups ahead of us so we can try to figure out what they learned. We're all from the New U.N.S. so maybe we were taught the same maneuvers, but let's find out." Dirk and Alek nodded, trotted over to their fighters, then started strapping in. After a short pre-flight comms check, 24 VF-171 Nightmares flew towards a deserted island surrounded by a nearly endless ocean with a dozen camera drones behind them. __________ Meanwhile, the Macross 10 pilots from the Macross 10 defense fleet received a similar briefing. Rayelle stood proudly in front of her squadron as the Captain. Behind her stood her squadmates, Adam and Marty. In front of her stood General Adra Jeanne. General Adra Jeanne was a little smaller than Rayelle, but her presence made her feel larger than she was. Her black hair had streaks of gray running through it, but her gaze was as piercing as a hawk as she addressed the young pilots. What Rayelle liked most about her was that she was pretty lax about protocol as long as it didn't affect performance. "I want you to embarrass them. I want to convince those politicians at N.U.N.S. that we should be sent more VF-25s... even better, I want them to send us the ones they were originally planning to send to Macross 8 first, then send us more!" The Macross 10 pilots erupted into cheers of enthusiasm. "She's evil. I like it," Rayelle whispered to herself. General Adra waited for a moment for the cheers to stop, then said, "For this dogfight exercise, go in your squadron order. As far as I'm concerned, you are all elites, and I will give you all VF-25s if I can. Until then, the top three squadrons will get them. Good hunting!" General Adra turned to step away but stopped herself and said, "Oh, last place squad will be scrubbing every inch of this hunger until we can eat off the ground." General Adra waved again, then walked off towards the back of the hangar towards the command center. "Adam, Marty, we're moving up and getting those VF-25s," Rayelle said with determination. "We're on the same page then," Adam said confidently. "Yes," Marty said in agreement. Rayelle turned to look at Marty. He is her band's drummer, and she trusted him completely, but she wished he would speak more. Marty wasn't as big as Adam, but he was still in good athletic shape. Rayelle felt confident having her bandmates also be her squadmates. Rayelle, Marty, and Adam trotted toward their fighters as the siren screamed to warn them of the fighters moving in the hangar. Rayelle hopped into her VF-171 Nightmare and began pre-flight checks. She had painted her VF-171 jet black with red accents to match her band's image. "We're going to do it. We're going to be the number one band and the number one squad," Rayelle said with conviction towards the Sheryl Nome bobblehead doll. "How?" Rayelle said to the bobblehead as if it responded to her. She then flicked the head of the doll and cheerfully said, "Cause I'm Rayelle Venusia!" Quote
Lord Sputnik Posted July 17 Author Posted July 17 Chapter 4 - Aces High Spoiler Dirk firmly gripped the flight stick as he watched the nose of his fighter break through the cloud barrier. The morning sun pierced through his canopy momentarily until the sunshade automatically kicked in. "You don't get to see this in space," Dirk said to himself. The comms were unusually quiet for a training flight. Dirk suspected it was a mix of it being too early in the morning and the stunning cloudscape. The flight to the island was short but enjoyable. As they approached, Louis addressed the entire wing, "Attention! Squads two through eight will land using GERWALK mode. Squad one will fly to the operation's area. It will be a tight squeeze on the island, so keep a tight formation. Good hunting all!" Louis and his two wingmates drifted away from the rest of the fighters as they descended toward the island. Dirk could see the Macross 10 wing approaching the island from the opposite side and had to resist the urge to break formation and race to the island. Elise didn't feel the need to resist that urge and rushed forward. Dirk quickly went full thrust as well. The Macross 10 pilots noticed and spurred their fighters on. "Son of a b-" Helena's voice cut off when she slammed her thrust lever forward and felt her whole body press into the seat of her chair. Her fighter and the rest of the Macross 8 fighters began to race toward the small island. Louis shook his head at the sight of this but didn't say anything. He turned his attention towards the three Macross 10 fighters that broke away from their respective wing. They appeared to be standard VF-171 Nightmares, but Macross 10 let them use different paint schemes than the military standard. "I wouldn't mind a White, Blue, and Gold one myself," Louis thought. Elise beat everyone else down on the island and had her fighter do a small victory dance in GERWALK mode. A Macross 10 pilot in a black VF-171 with red accents flew towards Elise, then switched to GERWALK mode at the last second. They kicked up dirt and dust on Elise's fighter and then landed a few meters away from Elise. Elise was furious over the proximity comms and reached down with her fighter's hand to scoop a handful of the island's soil. "Stupid b-" "Stop it!" Dirk yelled, then held Elise back from flinging the soil. A second Macross 10 fighter expertly landed between Elise and the fighter that covered Elise's fighter with mud and dirt. "Captain Adam Hunt, reporting for drills. I apologize for our rude introduction." "Second Lieutenant Dirk Millo, good to meet you. Very nice landing!" Elise dropped the mud in her hand and said proudly, "Second Lieutenant Elise Maddox and I won the race!" The fighter behind Adam stepped out from behind him, saying, "First Lieutenant Rayelle Venusia, I hope you enjoyed the prize I gave you." More pilots from both Macross 8 and Macross 10 landed around the tiny island and fielded similar greetings and taunts at each other. "Dirt and dust? I'll give you plenty of it to eat in the sky," Elise retorted. Dirk felt that Adam must be making the same tired expression he was from having to deal with someone like Elise. Friction between both sides was inevitable, but the pilots could keep themselves from throwing punches. "Eye to the sky!" Helena suddenly cut in. All of the pilots turned their attention to the two squadrons still flying. A small countdown timer finally reached zero on their screens. Cheering erupted from the pilots as the digitized voice announced the start of the dogfight. "Begin!" Louis was the current number-one pilot on Macross 8 during live drills and simulations. He was excited to face new competition for the first time in a long time. "Simon, Dan, watch my back," Louis commanded, then pushed his fighter to combat speed. Louis flew directly towards the Macross 10 formation. The central Macross 10 fighter accelerated directly towards Louis while the two wingmen split off into the clouds. "Get on them and hold them off, I'll join you once I take care of this guy!" Louis commanded again. The Macross 10 pilot showed no signs of slowing down as Louis's fighter screamed toward it. "Alright, chicken it is," Louis said with a hint of excitement. "Heh..." came through the comms. Louis watched the Macross 10 fighter intently, his fingers wrapping tighter and tighter around the flight stick. He fought his instinct to turn away since the first one to turn would lose. Louis felt like time was slowing down as his adrenaline peaked. He heard the other pilot mutter, "Going right." Louis trusted the Macross 10 pilot and broke right at the last possible millisecond. They flew so close to each other that sparks flew as their wing tips scraped together. "Whooo!" Louis exhaled in relief and quickly returned to reality, continuing his turn to try and get behind the enemy he had just grazed. Louis looked up to see that the Macross 10 pilot had tried to chase Louis directly instead of continuing to turn. The G forces shifted the blood from the feet and back to the brain of the Macross 10 pilot and allowed him to recover from G forces quicker. The problem is they lost a lot of speed by switching directions. Louis clenched his whole body and fought the G forces. His vision faded slightly, and he started to become disoriented. Louis felt this would be a perfect time to get ambushed and spun his fighter to shift his position slightly. "Dan, now!" Louis commanded. Alarms blared in Louis's cockpit, then one of the other Macross 10's VF-171s appeared from within the clouds and flew past Louis as he broke the attempted lock on. Dan responded and used the radar response from Louis's craft to track the VF-171 that had just missed Louis and tried to escape back into the clouds. Green lights lit up on Dan's console. "Confirmed kill, nice one Dan!" Louis said excitedly. Louis looked for the first pilot and spotted him trying to catch Dan to keep the kill count even. "Dan, break left! Simon, drag the other one out!" The first Macross 10 pilot began chasing Dan then Simon burst through the cloud cover towards the ocean. Behind Simon, the third Macross 10 pilot chased Simon. Louis peeled away from Dan to take down the pilot chasing Simon. His heart raced as the lock on indicator turned green, and he shouted, "Confirmed kill." At the same time, Louis heard another pilot say, "Confirmed kill." "Damn it!" Louis swore to himself as he saw Dan's icon turn red. Louis and Simon flew in formation together to double-team the remaining fighter from Macross 10. "You guys are good, you win this time." Louis was a little disappointed the remaining pilot chose to surrender, but it was good since it allowed him to relax slightly. "Next squad in the air." Louis returned triumphantly with Dan and Simon. While they had won, he didn't like losing Dan, even in a simulation. "Great job, bud," Dirk said proudly to Louis over the comms. "It'll be better next time, pay attention, they're good," Louis warned Dirk. Dirk nodded and turned his attention to the sky again. The next few dogfights were not as exciting as Louis' dogfight, but it was clear that the Macross 10 pilots were better after winning four of the next five dogfights. "Looks like I'm next, wish me luck," Dirk said calmly. Dirk, Alek, and Helena boosted off the ground. They switched to fighter mode and flew to the engagement zone after a few seconds. Below, they saw Rayelle, Adam, and a third pilot that hadn't introduced himself take off with them. "Looks like we're together, good luck," Dirk said, trying to keep it friendly. Rayelle replied, "Damn, I wanted to shoot down that cocky one." "Oh, our quiet one is Second Lieutenant Alek Lacreed," Dirk said, ignoring Rayelle. "Ours is First Lieutenant Martin Payne," Adam replied plainly. Dirk and Adam sighed when they both realized they were commiserating with each other having to deal with the same types of people. Helena interrupted and said, "Cut the chatter, we're here to shoot each other, not make friends." Dirk started to pump himself up and shouted, "Alright! It's time to burn 'em down!" He heard Rayelle stifle herself after she softly sang, "Burn! Burn! Burning for you!" Dirk grinned and said, "Hey, even if you're bad, don't stop yourself, just sing it out!" He wasn't trying to be mean. He just thought it was better to sing as you want to. Rayelle felt a little amused that someone else told her how to sing her very own song, "Oh? Humor me, how would you do it?" Dirk felt energy well inside of him, and he released all of it in his voice to start singing the chorus for 'Burning for you.' He released a loud "BUR-" "CUT THE CHATTER!" Helena almost screamed into the comms. She knew Dirk would lose all focus and start singing with his full attention. Dirk couldn't help but grin. He really wanted to sing now. Rayelle felt something from Dirk in that brief moment before he could sing, even if it was only over the comms. "Hey Lieutenant Dirk, I'll be gunning for you first." Quote
Lord Sputnik Posted July 18 Author Posted July 18 Chapter 5 - Gunning for you Spoiler "Hey Lieutenant Dirk, I'll be gunning for you first." Adam cringed slightly and said, "We're here to win, Rayelle, no need to show off." "No! We're here to win AND show off!" Rayelle countered. Rayelle pushed her VF-171 to full thrust, breaking the formation. She felt the G forces press her back into her seat and commanded, "Go play with the other two!" "Copy leader," Marty concisely said. Adam wanted to blurt out that he was the leader, but given that Rayelle was the lead in their band, it felt natural for her to be in charge. Helena saw one of the Macross 10 fighters approaching fast from behind. While their dogfight hadn't started yet, it didn't mean she could trust the other side to play fair. "On our six!" Helena shouted. Dirk broke left, Alek quickly broke right, and Helena pulled back on her flight stick. The VF-171 had a decent stealth package, and Helena learned to use it well. By ascending into the clouds, she could hide for a bit. She planned to get the drop on someone tailing Alek or Dirk, similar to what Louis and his squad did. "What's going on?" Helena thought. An alert on her console indicated that the dogfight had only now begun, but the Macross 10 fighter that split them up was lazily chasing Dirk while the other two seemed to be passively trying to keep her and Alek away from Dirk. "Heads up Dirk, looks like she's coming for you!" Dirk initially broke away to avoid a collision with Rayelle. He watched in dismay as she was now trailing behind him. Dirk had to admit her timing was perfect since he couldn't break her tail. "Either she's amazing or I just suck as a pilot," Dirk said to himself. "I am amazing," Rayelle said over the comms, "Now, hold still so we can talk privately." If she tried to tight-beam him to talk privately, she could also get an easy target lock if he slowed down enough. "No, I won't go down without a fight!" Rayelle rolled her eyes and said, "Have it your way!" Hoping they could talk on the way back, Rayelle flipped on her targeting system to lock on to Dirk. Alarms blared in Dirk's cockpit when his fighter detected lock-on attempts. He remembered how long it would take his VF-171 to lock on to an enemy, so he would juke hard to one side or another to break the lock momentarily and stay alive in this simulated dogfight. Dirk squinted after the last juke when Planet Aquillane's sunlight momentarily blinded him. Ironically, his momentary blindness made him want to try something. Dirk pushed the stick forward, diving his fighter down. Rayelle's craft followed closely behind. She whispered to herself, "Left, right, up, right, left, down and he repeats. Does he really think he's trying to perform a QM-69? He'll roll left next, then I'll be waiting for him!" Rayelle nosed her craft down and left in anticipation of Dirk's pattern. Much to Rayelle's surprise, Dirk suddenly pulled back on his stick and then rolled to the right. Dirk felt his vision start to fade as the blood left his head. Rolling after pulling up against the planet's gravity nearly knocked him out. "Damn it!" Rayelle shouted. She pulled up and turned harder than Dirk to try and catch up when he went opposite where she predicted he would be. Rayelle felt her pilot's suit contract to try and counter the g forces, but her vision completely faded momentarily. "I'll... get..." Rayelle managed to keep herself from passing out, but she couldn't hear the alarms blaring in her cockpit. She regained her vision, but the planet's sun blinded her again. Dirk killed his thrust and extended his flaps to use the air resistance to slow his craft instantly. Rayelle was still disoriented and only saw the outline of a VF-171 slip behind her. "Rayelle!" Adam suddenly blared through the comms, turning towards Dirk. "Burning for you!" Dirk triumphantly sang as he heard his console confirm a solid target lock. "Target locked!" "I lost? To him? That imecile?" Rayelle said in disbelief. Her disbelief quickly changed to rage as she angrily flailed her arms around the cockpit. Helena was relieved when she saw Adam lose his cool over Rayelle. She had to admit that he was close to taking her or Alek out. Helena chased after Adam and shouted, "Alek, hold him off of me." "Hey, your boyfriend is coming to rescue you," Dirk said teasingly. He rolled his craft out from behind Rayelle and headed back toward Helena and Alek. Adam cursed himself for losing his cool as he was tailed by Helena now. His wingman was held down by the third man in the other squadron, so his only option was to try and shake Helena. Helena did her best to stay on Adam's six, but she knew he could break free soon. "Dirk, help Alek!" Dirk didn't hesitate and turned his attention towards Alek and Martin, watching them try to get behind each other. Martin heard alarms in his cockpit when he saw Dirk's craft approach and start to get a lock on him. Instead of submitting, he stubbornly turned towards Helena and Adam. Dirk lost his chance to lock on to Martin, but Alek picked up where Dirk left off. "Target lock," said Alek unenthusiastically. "Ahh... you got me," Martin said equally plainly. Even though he was technically shot down at this point, Martin's fighter still came between Helena and Adam and allowed Adam to break free. Adam dove into the clouds but wasn't confident about a three-on-one situation. "I surrender," Adam seethed through his teeth. While Helena would've preferred to have all three of the Macross 10 pilots shot down, she was satisfied with two since they didn't lose any. The Macross 8 pilots cheered when Adam surrendered since they needed a win to save face. "Excellent flying, Dirk," Helena said with a smile. Dirk blushed slightly and thought Helena looked cute when she wasn't yelling at him or all serious. He stuttered somewhat and said, "Th-Thanks." "That was what you call pure Beginner's luck!" Rayelle said, still angry at her own mistake. "You were too confident that you could've taken him down any time. My mistake was that I let my emotions get the better of me," Adam said plainly. The six pilots flew in a single formation on their way back to show they had no hard feelings for each other like the rest of the pilots before them. The next two squadrons had already taken off and headed towards them. Dirk was still riding his high from winning and felt he had to do one thing... Sing! "Running through a city that never sleeps." "Searching for my one 'n only salvation." "The night burns on when I reach you." "My only escape is your touch." Helena didn't mind and let him sing as he pleased. She figured he earned it this time. Rayelle was fascinated hearing Dirk sing her song his way. Not wanting to interrupt, she closed her eyes to block out everything else. "Keep me warm." "You're my fire." "Let me burn." "With desire." Rayelle felt Dirk's technique was awful, but his energy and spirit made her whole body heat up. Dirk's kind of energy is what she was missing! "I want to let it burn let it all burn!" "Burn it up burn it up" "Burning for yooouuu!" "Burning for yoooouuu!" "BURN BURN BURNING FOR YOU!" Rayelle was clenching her body in excitement when she suddenly exclaimed, "Yes! That's it! Just like that! Give me more!" Hearing Rayelle make that statement in her excited state led to much confusion, especially since everyone else had heard it. Rayelle blushed in embarrassment, then coughed and added, "I mean, your skill is lacking, but you have this energy that... I can't describe it!" "Uh, thanks?" Dirk said in confusion, "I'm a huge fan of Miss Rayven and the Night Hawks. I'm sure she would say much worse about my singing if she heard me." Rayelle grinned, then said, "Who knows, maybe she'll get to hear you sooner than you think." __________ Deep below the ocean, a sleeping entity slowly regained some consciousness. "Spiritia! Anima... Spiritia!" A set of glowing eyes glowed through a massive crystalline boulder. The tiny amount of life at the bottom of the ocean had its life force absorbed into the crystal boulder. The eyes went dark, then an orb of energy formed outside the boulder, and a body of pure energy began to coalesce inside the ball of energy. A small male devil-like gradually appeared inside the ball of energy. He had dark blue skin, slanted cat-like eyes, and a small set of wings protruding from his back. He stretched his stubby arms and legs out, then looked at the giant crystal boulder in front of him. "I need more spiritia to wake up completly. Still, beware Protoculture, Illuzo has returned!" Quote
Lord Sputnik Posted July 23 Author Posted July 23 I'm glad to see that 6 people have read at least one chapter from the link I posted. (Inkstone tracks reader count.) I was hoping for some feedback since I'm stuck writing chapter 15 at the moment, but I understand it is a commitment to read every chapter, and I don't really have anything to give in return. Quote
Urashiman Posted July 24 Posted July 24 On 7/23/2024 at 1:30 PM, Lord Sputnik said: I'm glad to see that 6 people have read at least one chapter from the link I posted. (Inkstone tracks reader count.) I was hoping for some feedback since I'm stuck writing chapter 15 at the moment, but I understand it is a commitment to read every chapter, and I don't really have anything to give in return. Hey there - I've only read a bit of it. Usually fanfic writers write stories for themselves - at least that is what someone said once somewhere on the internet. From the courses I had about writing, it is always like this: - You have a story living in you - You want to share the story because you like the story and think that maybe someone else will like it as well - You think the story is worthy enough to put it down into written word If it resonates with you, it doesn't mean it will resonate with others - and that doesn't mean it won't resonate with others. The group of readers for Macross fanfics is rather small. That said, let's look at chapter 1. I will be rather honest, which is my duty as a German, so it is not meant to be devastating, but meant for encouragement and feedback. I will look more into the writing and the writing style here. The story is yours, and I am not to judge the story that is living inside you. Chapters usually are around 1200 words, so chapter one here is at ~1400 words. Some writers (I am look at Burkowski here - yeah ... you there *pointing angrily*) where a chapter was just a single line "nothing interesting today". That is a stylistic choice and can play with the reader. Anyway - the creative process is interesting. Depending how much imagination you have, your written word will bring the reader into a world unknown in, let's say, various degrees of quality. Where one writer merely states "The sun is rising.", leaving open much to the own imagination of the reader, another writer might phrase that differently, going more into detail like "The orb of yellow and orange hues moves behind the vast blueness of a wavy sea, making it's way up to the fluffy clouds, joining them." One is stating a fact, the other is transporting the emotion/the impression of the scene. In my experience, pacing is an issue with most fanfics, depending on how interested the writer was at the moment about writing that scene. Keeping a consistent style is important. So let me put down some points here The pacing is uneven - Use better transitions and break up long descriptions into sentences with varying length (depending on the rhythm of a sentence). Character development feels somewhat one-dimensional - You basically smash in names for people and give a rough explanation to them. Might be a stylistic choice, though - maybe you want the reader to get interested in them and want to have the reader "get to know" the characters along the story. Show, don't tell - Instead of saying things like "Roy getting excited", show these emotions through their actions and dialogue. Use more descriptive language - It is all about "sensory input" - the smell, the feeling, what does it look like... and so on. Chapter breaks - Instead of using giant lines to separate the scenes and events, you can use a "soft fade"... hard to explain. For example, you have this here happening: "The concert roared on! Deep below the ocean on Planet Aquillane, a certain entity started to stir. "...Spir...Spiritia..."" Maybe something like this? "While the concert roared on, unbeknown to Roy and Oscar or anyone else, an entity deep below the in the oceans of planet Aquillane started to stir. "...Spir... Spiritia..."" I hope the above is valuable feedback for you. BTW: An appendix is an appendix, meaning, it is at the end of your story, not at the very beginning. To explain some of the things and terms of Macross, you probably want to create a prologue for world building, explaining the world and the timeframe the story is happening in. Quote
Lord Sputnik Posted July 25 Author Posted July 25 Thanks for the feedback! I agree that I struggle with transitions and am still an amateur, even after publishing one novel. I also 100% agree that fanfic is made for the author, although I think that is true for any work of fiction to an extent. I have a story in my head, a few songs, and flashes of Macross 7 and Macross Frontier that I want to put into a story. I also struggle with describing things because I can see them clearly, but I am not always able to put them into words. I'll try to rearrange it so the appendix is at the end, not sure how well Inkstone works like that, but we'll see. Quote
Urashiman Posted July 25 Posted July 25 4 hours ago, Lord Sputnik said: Thanks for the feedback! I agree that I struggle with transitions and am still an amateur, even after publishing one novel. I also 100% agree that fanfic is made for the author, although I think that is true for any work of fiction to an extent. I have a story in my head, a few songs, and flashes of Macross 7 and Macross Frontier that I want to put into a story. I also struggle with describing things because I can see them clearly, but I am not always able to put them into words. I'll try to rearrange it so the appendix is at the end, not sure how well Inkstone works like that, but we'll see. No worries - you'll eventually get there. Writing is art, the more you do it, the better you get. I have a bunch of friends doing this, two writers, one mangaka and actually one working for an editorial office to check the books of people. Like, just check your first chapter versus the following chapters. Sentences got simpler, you are using more dialogue form, focusing more on the interaction between humans. So it is going from a rough style into something more polished. Your style is more leaning towards some sort of movie script writing, which is it's own version of story telling. It is a different approach to writing, as you just write out the scenes happening in your head. If you want to do this in a more planned approach put together these (if not doing already): Scenario: - Where is it happening? Timeframe? Events: - Events that happen in the story. You can do that like modules, and move them around to check which events should happen when and so on. Build a timeline was dates to have it sorted and consistent. - Which events should happen in what chapter? Are there "side quests" or minor side events? Characters: - Build out charactes fully, their appearance, their history, their motivation, their ways of handling things and personality, how they move and walk. Friends and family? Build them out as well to avoid the "surprise cousin" trope. (book recommendation. "The Idiot" from Dostojewski - whenever he introduces someone, you are sure to read 3-4 pages about the charactes history before the story continues) Songs: - write out the full songs on sheets for later use No worries - I've been struggling with proper descriptions as well. There are some exercises to that. Like, take a simple picture, try to put it in words and ask someone to draw a picture from the words you have written. Or just look at, I dunno, a simple object like a fork and try to explain how it looks. Train your adjective vocabulary. Quote
guyxxed Posted July 25 Posted July 25 All of the above is great advice, well said Urashiman. The only thing I (as also an amateur, struggling, sometimes-writer) would add is to read forensically. Meaning, not just disect how you're writing, but also look at how a writer you really like writes as well. Read their work, but instead of taking in the story, look at how they put their sentences together, how did they describe things, how do their characters speak. I do something similar in the 3D model work I mess with as well: how did an expert do this and what can I learn from it? Writing is fun to do, but hard to get 'right', and it's difficult to get other people's attention for feedback. Congratulations on having a published novel, I have a handful of short stories floating around out there. Best advice I've seen on writing was Stephen King's guide: just keep writing. There's a lot of crap inside everyone's head, and you have to get that out before the good stuff shows up. Keep at it and the good stuff will show up (not that what you've shared isn't good stuff, just passing on the advice 😉 ) Quote
Lord Sputnik Posted August 2 Author Posted August 2 Thanks for the advice everyone! I think I've figured out why I stopped writing. I kept stopping to think "What would the readers like?" and realized that I wasn't liking the story at that point and so it was snuffing out my fire. I think this story is fine so far since it never had enough views where I was worried about that, but the next chapter is crucial for me since it sets the tone of the typical Macross love triangle. (Although this is more like a love square with a line from one corner to the other since both the male lead and female lead have their own triangles where their own relationship is a line in each.) Long story short, I need to write something just for me to get back into the swing of things and write what I love writing. (Music, mechs, love, and comedy.) Quote
Urashiman Posted August 5 Posted August 5 On 8/2/2024 at 3:13 AM, Lord Sputnik said: Thanks for the advice everyone! I think I've figured out why I stopped writing. I kept stopping to think "What would the readers like?" and realized that I wasn't liking the story at that point and so it was snuffing out my fire. I think this story is fine so far since it never had enough views where I was worried about that, but the next chapter is crucial for me since it sets the tone of the typical Macross love triangle. (Although this is more like a love square with a line from one corner to the other since both the male lead and female lead have their own triangles where their own relationship is a line in each.) Long story short, I need to write something just for me to get back into the swing of things and write what I love writing. (Music, mechs, love, and comedy.) Yay! Show us the good stuff Quote
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