Worst Science Fiction Film of All Time II: The Quickening

[areaseven]

All of them

*Cue the Stargate fans...

[anime52k8]

I love Stargate!

[Kelsain]

Stonewall? That was an Emmerich movie?

I haven't seen it (I've been actively avoiding his movies since Godzilla), but that seems really out of place on the list...

Edited June 24, 2016 by Kelsain

[areaseven]

Stonewall? That was an Emmerich movie?

I haven't seen it (I've been actively avoiding his movies since Godzilla), but that seems really out of place on the list...

In terms of genres, yes. But overall, it's Emmerich's second-worst film on Rotten Tomatoes and worst on Metacritic. Here's the current ranking of his films:

Rotten Tomatoes

1. The Patriot (62%)

2. Independence Day (60%)

3. White House Down (50%)

4. Stargate (48%)

5. Anonymous (46%)

6. The Day After Tomorrow (45%)

7. 2012 (39%)

8. Independence Day: Resurgence (34%)

9. Universal Soldier (20%)

10. Godzilla (16%)

11. Stonewall (9%)

12. 10,000 B.C. (8%)

--. Moon 44 (no rating)

Metacritic

1. The Patriot (63)

2. Independence Day (59)

3. White House Down (52)

4. Anonymous (50)

5. 2012 (49)

6. The Day After Tomorrow (47)

7. Stargate (42)

8. Universal Soldier (35)

9. 10,000 B.C. (34)

10. Godzilla (32) (tie)

10. Independence Day: Resurgence (32) (tie)

12. Stonewall (30)

--. Moon 44 (no rating)

Edited June 27, 2016 by areaseven

[Kelsain]

I MIGHT break my streak in ID4-2, but that depends on the reviews & how desperate I am to get out of the house.

[areaseven]

This week, I'll do a head-to-head comparison on which film is more insulting to Ancient Egyptian civilization:

10,000 B.C. vs. Gods of Egypt

[areaseven]

And now for your viewing displeasure...

[areaseven]

Yup... all this for an Uwe Boll film.

[areaseven]

It's a good thing I didn't create a separate thread for this bomb. Just how many Tarzan films do we need?

"Probably a better time... if you're drunk (Yeah now it's a party!)"

"C+"

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 33% - "The Legend of Tarzan has more on its mind than many movies starring the classic character, but that isn't enough to make up for its generic plot or sluggish pace."

Metacritic Score: 43 out of 100

Edited July 1, 2016 by areaseven

[reddsun1]

And now for your viewing displeasure...

52:20 - LOL! I don't know if she's supposed to be crying out from grief--or if she's just stifling laugher from trying to hold-it-together for the scene. That was aw-ful! Many thanks, definitely good for some yuks!

[areaseven]

Want a good adaptation of fantasy role playing games? Skip this and watch Record of Lodoss War instead.

[areaseven]

Will Smith finally apologizes for this atrocity. So when will he repent for After Earth?

Will Smith Admits He Made Wild Wild West for All the Wrong Reasons

[CoryHolmes]

He'll never repent for After Earth. He used it as a catapult for his kid, and that sort of nepotism will never go misspoken of.

[areaseven]

The latest film based on a Stephen King novel is in the running for worst film of 2016. John Cusack obviously needed a paycheck and Samuel L. Jackson was simply killing time.

"F"

"A laughably bad horror film."

Cell @ IMDb

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 0% - "Shoddily crafted and devoid of suspense, Cell squanders a capable cast and Stephen King's once-prescient source material on a bland rehash of zombie cliches."

[areaseven]

Still one of the worst live-action adaptations of classic cartoons.

[areaseven]

[areaseven]

Hollywood once again scrapes the bottom of the barrel with another sequel nobody asked for.

[areaseven]

When will Hollywood ever learn that Excalibur is the only King Arthur film?

[Kanedas Bike]

^After the first 60 seconds or so I was about to jump on the hate train for King Arthur, but I generally enjoy Guy Ritchie's films, so I will give this a go.

And if nothing else, there will be some witty humor to go along with the spectacle.

-b.

[areaseven]

Simple answer: He sucks.[

[areaseven]

I'm just gonna park this here because it's 47 Ronin all over again.

[JB0]

Will Smith finally apologizes for this atrocity. So when will he repent for After Earth?

Will Smith Admits He Made Wild Wild West for All the Wrong Reasons

"... there’s probably been no moment in time where someone has unironically wanted to watch Wild Wild West at home ..."

I... actually enjoyed the movie. It was another for the "so bad it's good" pile.

[areaseven]

To summarize:

10. The Love Guru (a.k.a. Mike Myers Without His Mojo, Baby)

9. Wild Wild West (a.k.a. A Worse Western Than Jonah Hex or The Lone Ranger)

8. Freddy Got Fingered (a.k.a. Yup, That's Tom Green)

7. Saving Christmas (a.k.a. Kirk Cameron Being Full of Himself)

6. I Know Who Killed Me (a.k.a. Lindsay Lohan Just Trying to Happen)

5. Howard the Duck (a.k.a. Duck Tits)

4. Gigli (a.k.a. Bennifer 1.0)

3. Catwoman (a.k.a. Kitty Litter)

2. Jack and Jill (a.k.a. Why Only One Adam Sandler Is Bad Enough)

1. Battlefield Earth (a.k.a. The Butt of All Movie Jokes For the Next Millennium)

[Dynaman]

Have to take exception to number 9. Although not a good movie by any stretch "Wild WIld West" is better then "The Lone Ranger". No plans on ever seeing Jonah Hex so I can't comment on that one.

[areaseven]

Have to take exception to number 9. Although not a good movie by any stretch "Wild WIld West" is better then "The Lone Ranger". No plans on ever seeing Jonah Hex so I can't comment on that one.

That's where our opinions differ. While The Lone Ranger is a horrible film, I'm indifferent to it because it's never had any luck on the big screen (the 1981 version is a Razzie alumnus) and the TV series is far from memorable. Jonah Hex is also a literal trainwreck, but I've never followed his comics.

On the other hand, I really enjoyed the 1960s TV series The Wild Wild West, as it kept the Western genre relevant by incorporating spy elements to compete with James Bond 007, The Avengers, I Spy, and The Man From U.N.C.L.E. Also, Robert Conrad was excellent as James West. The 1999 remake bears absolutely no resemblance to this series. It was just producer Jon Peters' excuse to have a giant robot spider on film after Superman Lives was shelved.

[Dynaman]

> and the TV series is far from memorable

Pardon? One of THE classics from the early days of TV is far from memorable? Before my time but to dismiss a cultural icon like that is wrong. I was a Wild Wild West fan too but I would never say it was anywhere near TLR in terms of popularity.

[areaseven]

> and the TV series is far from memorable

Pardon? One of THE classics from the early days of TV is far from memorable? Before my time but to dismiss a cultural icon like that is wrong. I was a Wild Wild West fan too but I would never say it was anywhere near TLR in terms of popularity.

I also grew up watching reruns of the old black-and-white series, but over the years, I could barely remember an episode. Just saying.

Maybe one of these days, I'll watch the old series just to develop more hate toward Disney's trainwreck.

[Dynaman]

I also grew up watching reruns of the old black-and-white series, but over the years, I could barely remember an episode. Just saying.

Maybe one of these days, I'll watch the old series just to develop more hate toward Disney's trainwreck.

Don't think it will happen, watching almost all of those old shows just reinforces how old they are. An exception has to be made for "The Honeymooners" and I'm sure there are others but none comes to mind. The mindset of the fifties that most of these old shows are from just doesn't translate well to modern taste. I do watch some from time to time on youtube since it is an incredible sort of video time capsule.

[areaseven]

And just for the hell of it, here's a review of a classic bad film.

The Wizard

Universal Pictures, 1989

Directed by Todd Holland (Malcolm in the Middle, The Larry Sanders Show)

Running Time: 100 minutes

Rated PG for some violence and strong language.

"I love the Power Glove. It's so bad."

Cast

Fred Savage (Kevin in The Wonder Years, Mole in Austin Powers in Goldmember) as Corey Woods

Luke Edwards as Jimmy Woods

Jenny Lewis (indie rock singer/songwriter) as Haley Brooks

Christian Slater (Hale in Broken Arrow, Edward in Alone in the Dark) as Nick Woods

Beau Bridges (BB Hensley in Max Payne, Hank Landry in Stargate SG-1) as Sam Woods

Will Seltzer as Putnam

Jackey Vinson as Lucas Barton

Wendy Phillips as Christine Bateman

Sam McMurray as Mr. Bateman

Tobey "Spider-Man" Maguire as one of Lucas' goons (uncredited)

Synopsis

Corey Woods and his autistic brother Jimmy run away from their mother and stepfather after they put Jimmy in an institution; as "California" is the only word Jimmy says throughout the film, they head west, meeting a girl named Haley Brooks on the way. Upon discovering that Jimmy has the gift of mastering any video game he plays, the trio set their sights on Universal Studios Hollywood to send Jimmy to "Video Armageddon", a gamers tournament with US$50,000 at stake. However, for Jimmy to win the tournament, he must match his skills against teen game genius and Power Glove™ afficionado Lucas Barton. Meanwhile, Corey and Jimmy's mother and stepfather hire a bounty hunter named Putnam while their biological father Sam and elder brother Nick compete with Putnam on a cross-country race to recover the kids.

Lowdown

Back in 2001, my roommate challenged me to watch this film after losing two rounds of Bad Movie Night. So we rented a DVD copy and started Round 3, and yeah, it was a pretty bad movie.

The Wizard was released on the tail end of the "kidsploitation" bandwagon during the '80s, but unlike The Goonies or even Flight of the Navigator, this film has not aged well. Just look at Lucas and his goons - nothing screams the most forgettable parts of the '80s like Vision Street Wear. There must have been a closeout sale at Miller's Outpost that day.

But perhaps the film's biggest crime is not the horribly bland script or the really flat acting or its premise of encouraging kids to run away. The Wizard has the dubious honor of being a full-length theatrical Nintendo commercial, as well as being a sign that video game movies in the future are doomed. Just about every arcade game in the film is actually the NES port. There's also that extremely cheesy scene where Lucas shows off his Mattel Power Glove™ - because it's so bad. All the chases and character buildup lead to the film's biggest surprise of all: the unveiling of Super Mario Bros. 3. And just for kicks, the film shamelessly plugs Universal Studios Hollywood; besides, they needed some elaborate place to shoot the film's climax.

In short, The Wizard is a pretty lame movie that can only be remembered for the wrong reasons. It's a combination of everything wrong with the '80s and video game marketing.

So did my roommate win Round 3 of Bad Movie Night? Nope. I made him watch the 1990 Captain America film.

Rating: D

For more information on this film, check out these reviews:

"Two Thumbs Down"

"It's probably a good time if you are an old-school Nintendo video gamer, and you watch it drunk (Yeah now it's a party!)"

[areaseven]

I really hope this is the last one they'll make, especially since an extra got killed and Milla Jovovich's stunt double lost her arm.

[areaseven]

[areaseven]

At least it makes more sense than Batman v Superman.

[areaseven]

[areaseven]

[areaseven]

If you hated Tusk, then you should skip this new film by Kevin Smith, starring his daughter Harley Quinn Smith and Johnny Depp's daughter Lily-Rose Depp.

Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 22% - "Undisciplined, unfunny, and bereft of evident purpose, Yoga Hosers represents a particularly grating low point in Kevin Smith's once-promising career."

Metacritic Score: 24 out of 100