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The Fanfiction Thread

frothymug

By frothymug
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  • 3 weeks later...
Valkyrie Driver Pineapple Eater

Valkyrie Driver

Posted
Posted

Slowly, had a lot of stuff on my plate. Tried to learn calculus, algebra in three different bases, formal logic, ARM assembly, and Chemistry all at the same time. That and working on another fanfiction, and building wargame terrain, painting an army, Keeping a girlfriend happy. Busy, busy, busy, I've been trying to do the story in chunks, but I'm not really happy with how it sounds.

Gubaba Super Dimension Member

Gubaba

Posted
Posted

Slowly, had a lot of stuff on my plate. Tried to learn calculus, algebra in three different bases, formal logic, ARM assembly, and Chemistry all at the same time. That and working on another fanfiction, and building wargame terrain, painting an army, Keeping a girlfriend happy. Busy, busy, busy, I've been trying to do the story in chunks, but I'm not really happy with how it sounds.

I'll keep on ya, then!
Valkyrie Driver Pineapple Eater

Valkyrie Driver

Posted
Posted

Well, finally it's here. The first chapter of my story Macross Starlight. It's kinda slow right now, trying to set the scene and set up the main characters. I'll leave it to y'all to read, so i don't spoil it.

Let me know what you think, I'm kinda stepping outside my realm of expertise here. The only other fanfiction I've written has a bit more action to it, since that one's a bit more focused and specific. If you want you can read that one here at the bolter and chainsword.

Gerli Pineapple Eater

Gerli

Posted
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I like the name. Starlight is totally a name a Macross fleet would use.

Chapter 62 is gonna be late (A lots of dialog to write) have some unlucky Breetai instead.

fghfghgfh.jpg

Edited by Gerli
Gubaba Super Dimension Member

Gubaba

Posted
Posted (edited)

Well, finally it's here. The first chapter of my story Macross Starlight. It's kinda slow right now, trying to set the scene and set up the main characters. I'll leave it to y'all to read, so i don't spoil it.

Let me know what you think, I'm kinda stepping outside my realm of expertise here. The only other fanfiction I've written has a bit more action to it, since that one's a bit more focused and specific. If you want you can read that one here at the bolter and chainsword.

To be honest, it's kind of tough read... I think the biggest problem is the lack of dialogue. Without letting your characters SAY anything, it just ends up a series of names and ranks without a person attached to them. So I'd suggest slowing down and letting your characters speak, first of all.

Edited by Gubaba
Valkyrie Driver Pineapple Eater

Valkyrie Driver

Posted
Posted

To be honest, it's kind of tough read... I think the biggest problem is the lack of dialogue. Without letting your characters SAY anything, it just ends up a series of names and ranks without a person attached to them. So I'd suggest slowing down and letting your characters speak, first of all.

Yeah, I figured that would be the biggest criticism with the first chapter. I do intend to have more dialogue, I just didn't want so much boring dialogue (Commander's inbrief meetings are painfully boring), I was going more for taking snapshots of the characters for their intro, as I didn't really intend to do dialogue until it could be interesting.

The next chapter will have more dialogue and character development, as we see more of the core characters, and begin to see how they interact. I really intend to focus most of my creative attention on the characters I've named, Sanada being the mentor, some romantic subplot (I don't know if it'll really be a love triangle, and if it is it'll be short lived as I have other ideas, it might actually be more like a love rhombus than anything).

This is also a painfully different style of story than I have usually written, more focus on personal relationships with the action being the backdrop, rather than the action being the focus of the story.

I appreciate your input, keep it coming as I put forward more chapters.

Gubaba Super Dimension Member

Gubaba

Posted
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To put it more bluntly, if you don't do some major revisions to this chapter, you don't have to worry about the others... No one is going to read them.

Edited by Gubaba
Jasonc Galactic Diva

Jasonc

Posted
Posted (edited)

I did get a chance to read it, and I do agree with Gubaba, it needs dialogue. Without the story of the characters being told in their words to supplement what you're writing, it makes the characters wooden and without any emotion. Don't let the story drive you. You drive the story. If you are going to blow off dialogue until there's something interesting to say, then you dictate a way to make it interesting. Script various interactions of this in your head, with different possibilities of things happening, and what you would say in those. That may help give some life in it. Sorry if I haven't posted in here at all. I used to do a lot of writing, but it was never fanfic, and thus, the reason why I never posted in here. Hope that helps at least a little.

Edited by Jasonc
Valkyrie Driver Pineapple Eater

Valkyrie Driver

Posted
Posted

To put it more bluntly, if you don't do some major revisions to this chapter, you don't have to worry about the others... No one is going to read them.

Duly noted.

Gerli Pineapple Eater

Gerli

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To put it more bluntly, if you don't do some major revisions to this chapter, you don't have to worry about the others... No one is going to read them.

Agree, but Is dialogue so important in fanfiction? Almost all the Macross-Robotech fics in Fanfiction.net are full of chat between the protagonist all the time... there are hardly a few action-based fics worth to read there. I know that thing "shipping" is something the readers of fanfiction wants, but when a VF appears in escene and it's only rol it's to be a background for a couple of lovers to argue about a misunderstanding with another girl for 4 chapters in a row it's... bad.

Valkyrie Driver Pineapple Eater

Valkyrie Driver

Posted
Posted

To put it more bluntly, if you don't do some major revisions to this chapter, you don't have to worry about the others... No one is going to read them.

I've done a significant edit of the first chapter, and included a bit more dialogue.

Agree, but Is dialogue so important in fanfiction? Almost all the Macross-Robotech fics in Fanfiction.net are full of chat between the protagonist all the time... there are hardly a few action-based fics worth to read there. I know that thing "shipping" is something the readers of fanfiction wants, but when a VF appears in escene and it's only rol it's to be a background for a couple of lovers to argue about a misunderstanding with another girl for 4 chapters in a row it's... bad.

From what I got from Gubaba's comment, dialogue is the action for these two chapters, as the characters meet and begin to interact. I get that. There will be more action and less mindless dialogue as the story goes. I'm not intending to focus as much on some of the typical Macross elements, rather than the romance being the primary plot point, it's a subplot, integral and important yes, but not the point of the story. The mecha will play a larger role, as it's what the characters do, they pilot battlesuits and variable fighters. I also want to show the characters struggle with their identity, realizing that they aren't just what they do. I also don't want to do the typical love triangle you get when two guys meet a girl they like. I don't want my two male characters to fall out over the girl, rather I want one to get the girl, and one to be the third wheel, until he figures out that he's looking for love in all the wrong places. I've got a direction I want this to go, It's just slow setting the scene.

Getting to the action quickly in a story set in the Warhammer 40k universe is easy, there's violence everywhere. Getting to it in Macross is rather hard, as it has to escalate to violence, because it starts from tranquility.

Keep the criticisms coming, keep it constructive though. It should get better when I hit my stride.

Falconkpd Sharon Apple Concert Attendee

Falconkpd

Posted
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The thing about Macross is that it about the violence itself; it's a show about characters involved in the violence and how they adapt, respond, and ultimately work together to end it.

Jasonc Galactic Diva

Jasonc

Posted
Posted

Agree, but Is dialogue so important in fanfiction? Almost all the Macross-Robotech fics in Fanfiction.net are full of chat between the protagonist all the time... there are hardly a few action-based fics worth to read there. I know that thing "shipping" is something the readers of fanfiction wants, but when a VF appears in escene and it's only rol it's to be a background for a couple of lovers to argue about a misunderstanding with another girl for 4 chapters in a row it's... bad.

It's not an either/or type of situation. One needs both in an effective story that keeps one interested. If all one wanted to do is tell a story, then no, you don't need dialogue, but one should tell that story quickly and be done with it. If you want to tell a story and get a reader invested in the characters and feel what they are going through, thinking, and get to know them, dialogue and interaction of it is crucial. I'm not saying write a script, or have dialogue where it may not be necessary either. One simply need find a great pacing for both that gives a great balance between the narrative and the dialogue. Like a comedian, the timing of the punchline is everything.

Valkyrie Driver Pineapple Eater

Valkyrie Driver

Posted
Posted

The thing about Macross is that it about the violence itself; it's a show about characters involved in the violence and how they adapt, respond, and ultimately work together to end it.

Very true, I don't want you to get the impression that I'm only trying to show violence, because that's boring. Just trying to illustrate that it's easier to jump into action where action already exists rather than build it up from the ground.

It's not an either/or type of situation. One needs both in an effective story that keeps one interested. If all one wanted to do is tell a story, then no, you don't need dialogue, but one should tell that story quickly and be done with it. If you want to tell a story and get a reader invested in the characters and feel what they are going through, thinking, and get to know them, dialogue and interaction of it is crucial. I'm not saying write a script, or have dialogue where it may not be necessary either. One simply need find a great pacing for both that gives a great balance between the narrative and the dialogue. Like a comedian, the timing of the punchline is everything.

That's good advice, I may have skipped necessary dialogue, or opportunities for necessary dialogue, when I shouldn't have. I'm not big on reading transcripts of conversations, or on writing them, as some do. I'm going to keep dialogue to important snippets of the conversation.

I appreciate the feedback.

  • 2 weeks later...
Gubaba Super Dimension Member

Gubaba

Posted
Posted

I'm not big on reading transcripts of conversations, or on writing them, as some do...

Well... That's the trick, isn't it? You need to write dialogue in a way that it moves the action forward AND shows the characters for who they are AND doesn't slow down the plot too much.
  • 2 weeks later...
Saruta Skull Leader's Lackey

Saruta

Posted
Posted

I like the name. Starlight is totally a name a Macross fleet would use.

Yay! I made up this name :) See previous pages of this thread.

As for the work itself, I do see how VD responded to criticism here by adding a lot of dialogue to chapters 2 and 3. There are style issues but nothing a good edit can't fix; a draft is a draft - I could lend a hand with the editing. But honestly I think there is a bigger problem.

It's been three chapters but all we see is a slice of life in the Starlight fleet. Chapter 3 gets action but it's an ordinary fight on the surface. I don't notice the kind of tension, the "unknown enemy or danger lurking" thing, that is characteristic of many "things Macross".

I think that, to get readers to stay reading, one needs some sort of teaser early on. Something that shows the "special treat awaiting them". This does not have to take long; you can have a paragraph of "there is this big unknown problem" and 20 paragraps of chaacter introduction and development.

Also, re previous discussion - VD, I think you wanted to do a setup where, unlike M7, dedicated pilots fly while dedicated musicians perform in their Valks? Well, Kawamori seems to have beaten you to it :)

Gerli Pineapple Eater

Gerli

Posted
Posted
Chapter 64


All right, a couple of things about this chapter.


-The similarity with Rey escape in The Force Awakens and the Virya/Zentran Soldier scene in this chapter are pure coincidental. Really

-This chapter ending is... shocking. Be advised.





in Spanish :p

Ominae Cannon Fodder

Ominae

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Happy New Year!

Slowly working on the 5th chapter of "Conspiracy". It'll slowly break from Macross Frontier canon.

Link to my FFN account is in the previous pages for anyone who wants to leave a review. Or just let me know.

MILKAUTICO Global's Pipe Holder

MILKAUTICO

Posted
Posted (edited)
Chapter 64
All right, a couple of things about this chapter.
-The similarity with Rey escape in The Force Awakens and the Virya/Zentran Soldier scene in this chapter are pure coincidental. Really
-This chapter ending is... shocking. Be advised.
in Spanish :p

jejjejejeje

Edited by MILKAUTICO
  • 1 month later...

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