FURIOUS OVER NEW CONAN (Conan the Barbarian remake)

[Wanzerfan]

I think she's hot!

Pete

The chick may be hot, but that strap-on is cold as ice.

[Scream Man]

I like Craig Fergusson. He's hysterical!

ALso he's good on late night talk shows.

[taksraven]

That's a loaded question, given whom you're asking

I just think that men who are classifed as pansies do have a place in culture. Maybe not suited to playing Conan, but certainly in some areas. I would use a broader term such as anti-macho, that way you can include people who are not neccessarily not straight.

Classic anti-macho -

Noel Coward (even the name is anti-macho, brilliant!)

Kenneth Williams (so much more than just the gay guy in the Carry On films)

Rodney Dangerfield (in a world where vanity is becoming an increasing menace, a man who said such lines as "I was such an ugly kid - When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up” and “When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.” is sorely missed....

And there are plenty of others....

Taksraven

[Agent ONE]

I just think that men who are classifed as pansies do have a place in culture. Maybe not suited to playing Conan, but certainly in some areas. I would use a broader term such as anti-macho, that way you can include people who are not neccessarily not straight.

Classic anti-macho -

Noel Coward (even the name is anti-macho, brilliant!)

Kenneth Williams (so much more than just the gay guy in the Carry On films)

Rodney Dangerfield (in a world where vanity is becoming an increasing menace, a man who said such lines as "I was such an ugly kid - When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up” and “When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.” is sorely missed....

And there are plenty of others....

Taksraven

A sissy-ass guy has one of two places in society... Either making me laugh of mopping the floor.

You don't have to have muscles to be tough and or respected. Rodney Dangerfield had power in his words, and that puts him out of the sissy category.

[VFTF1]

And I wouldn't call Noel Coward a pansy. Being gay doesn't make you a pansy. The guy was pretty courageous during World War II...

In fact, I would go so far as to say that there is no such thing as a "pansy" in the strict sense. To me, every man has moments of pansiness. Being manly doesn't mean that you're tough as nails 24/7 - it is something you achieve by meeting challenges. Some times, the challenges overwhelm you and you whine like a pansy, and complain like a pansy. That's just part of being a guy. Manliness is when you step back up to the plate.

Of course - by this logic, even Moma COULD make a good Conan. In fairness, we're judging him on photography where he is explicitly portrayed as a boy toy. Maybe if we get some shots of him AS Conan - things would be different?

In any event - the point is that Conan should not be played by someone exuding the "look" that Moma does in those photos we've seen - because it's the look of a metrosexual heavily contemporary boy toy - not Conan the Barbarian.

Pete

[taksraven]

A sissy-ass guy has one of two places in society... Either making me laugh of mopping the floor.

You don't have to have muscles to be tough and or respected. Rodney Dangerfield had power in his words, and that puts him out of the sissy category.

If you say so....

(I'm not going to argue this point otherwise I will be accused of trying to shut down the thread, which I don't want to do)

Taksraven

Edited January 29, 2010 by taksraven

[Vostok 7]

If you say so....

(I'm not going to argue this point otherwise I will be accused of trying to shut down the thread, which I don't want to do)

Taksraven

There's plenty of material to shut down this other than arguing with a brick wall

Ze goggles, zey do nossink!

Edited January 29, 2010 by Vostok 7

[VFTF1]

I think this thread is fun...

But what it really needs NOW is more news from the real world about the new Conan movie. Has Moma started working out? Have they selected the wenches, or at the very least a director?

We swerve off topic whenever the outside world doesn't provide more concrete fodder to gossip about!

Anyways:

For Wench Number 1 I nominate NOTSINA REFINNEJ ....

Pete

[Gubaba]

I don't want a deep Conan. I don't want Conan the Philosopher or Conan the Psychotherapist. And it certainly isn't Conan the Sensitive Metrosexual or EVEN Conan the Tall, Dark and Handsome Suave guy with the Cool Dreads and Dark Romantic Eyes That the Ladies Love. It's Conan the Barbarian. And it's all about a big dirty sweaty guy who starts out as a slave becoming a man who gets to eat well and has hot girls (which slaves generally don't get).

"Prospero," said the man at the table, "these matters of statecraft weary me as all the fighting I have done never did."

"All part of the game, Conan," answered the dark-eyed Poitainian. You are king - you must play the part."

"I wish I might ride with you to Nemedia," said Conan enviously. "It seems ages since I had a horse between my knees - but Publius says that affairs in the city require my presence. Curse him!

"When I overthrew the old dynasty," he continued, speaking with the easy familiarity which existed only between the Poitainian and himself, "it was easy enough, though it seemed bitter hard at the time. Looking back now over the wild path I followed, all those days of toil, intrigue, slaughter and tribulation seem like a dream.

"I did not dream far enough, Propsero. When King Numedides lay dead at my feet and I tore the crown from his gory head and set it on my own, I had reached the ultimate border of my dreams. I had prepared myself to take the crown, not to hold it. In the old free days all I wanted was a sharp sword and a straight path to my enemies. Now no paths are straight and my sword is useless.

"When I overthrew Numedides, then I was the Liberator - now they spit at my shadow. They have put a statue of that swine in the temple of Mitra, and people go and wail before it, hailing it as the holy effigy of a saintly monarch who was done to death by a red-handed barbarian. When I led her armies to victory as a mercenary, Aquilonia overlooked the fact that I was a foreigner, but now she cannot forgive me.

"Now in Mitra's temple there come to burn incense to Numedides' memory, men whom his hangmen maimed and blinded, men whose sons died in his dungeons, whose wives and daughters were dragged into his seraglio. The fickle fools!"

- From "The Phoenix on the Sword," by Robert E. Howard.

Edited January 29, 2010 by Gubaba

[1/1 LowViz Lurker]

With all due respect... but in Conan's day and age...him not being able to read, or barely being able to read, didn't exactly make him a social outcast. I mean...hardly anybody could read...

I also disagree with the sentiment.

What need is there for cunning?

In a world where all you want is to eat, drink and sleep with wenches, and other dudes want to kill you, then all you need to do is kill them, take their wenches and eat some good meat.

That's why I liked the Arnold movie.

I don't want a deep Conan. I don't want Conan the Philosopher or Conan the Psychotherapist. And it certainly isn't Conan the Sensitive Metrosexual or EVEN Conan the Tall, Dark and Handsome Suave guy with the Cool Dreads and Dark Romantic Eyes That the Ladies Love. It's Conan the Barbarian. And it's all about a big dirty sweaty guy who starts out as a slave becoming a man who gets to eat well and has hot girls (which slaves generally don't get).

It's fun that way

Pete

Huh? Where is all this coming from? I never said he had to be a philosopher, just that he'd be a bit aware of tactics and understand when to fight and when to flee.

As an example: the part where arnie beats those big guys by setting traps is more what I like. He didn't need to try to fight one guy while another hits him for free. He had to use all the tricks he could to give himself an edge. He can still be a barbarian as well as other things. Like he might be good with a sword, but he can steal a bow and take some guys out from a distance if he needed to. He was trained by the samurai guys in the original movie so I think a bit of speed wouldn't be so bad.

I like the idea of a big beefy muscular guy too, just that I can also visualise an agile conan with fast reflexes and athleticism too. Remember this is a remake so it will probably have nothing to do with the arnie movies. I would only want arnie to be in a movie that is a sequel to the original movies, not in a remake.

If this is a remake, and they go for a cunning warrior (provided it is done good) then I won't mind. Yes having big muscles is going to help with heavy swords against big guys and giant monster snakes, but maybe if conan is just fighting some light armored guy who is speedy, he decides to just take a katana or something which is equally useful at chopping a guys head off, but more efficient? To me seeing him moving his feet and dodging to evade because he is fast doesn't destroy the image of conan, it only adds to it.

But none of that matters anyway since this is a remake movie and won't be a continuation of the old ones. If it really really sucks, it just means the remake takes the blame. meh I'm more a fan of Slaine anyway..

I DO think that he should NOT be allowed to use magic though. Magic is for nerds!

Maybe they can make an Elric movie if they need a weak guy who relies on magic to fight?

He is supposed to be the "anti-conan" you guys have in mind. Physically weak, very reliant on his ancient sword and demonic pacts to give him power, starts out as a guy with everything (is a prince I think) and goes in the opposite direction to conan by leaving it all behind.

Think of characters like Sephiroth form final fantasy 7, Alucard from Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, Dante from Devil May Cry, Kain from Legacy of Kain etc... as clones of this character. (dark magic being used for good purposes by a long-haired albino, warrior-mage, with barely any muscles, who struggles between doing what his conscience tells him vs what he is supposed to do because of what he is.)

Edited January 29, 2010 by 1/1 LowViz Lurker

[taksraven]

There's plenty of material to shut down this other than arguing with a brick wall

Ze goggles, zey do nossink!

UP AND AT THEM!!!!

tAKSRAVEN

[Ghost Train]

I hope JJ Abrams takes over this franchise one day and makes Conan Faaaaabolooouuuuus!

[VFTF1]

"Prospero," said the man at the table, "these matters of statecraft weary me as all the fighting I have done never did."

"All part of the game, Conan," answered the dark-eyed Poitainian. You are king - you must play the part."

"I wish I might ride with you to Nemedia," said Conan enviously. "It seems ages since I had a horse between my knees - but Publius says that affairs in the city require my presence. Curse him!

"When I overthrew the old dynasty," he continued, speaking with the easy familiarity which existed only between the Poitainian and himself, "it was easy enough, though it seemed bitter hard at the time. Looking back now over the wild path I followed, all those days of toil, intrigue, slaughter and tribulation seem like a dream.

"I did not dream far enough, Propsero. When King Numedides lay dead at my feet and I tore the crown from his gory head and set it on my own, I had reached the ultimate border of my dreams. I had prepared myself to take the crown, not to hold it. In the old free days all I wanted was a sharp sword and a straight path to my enemies. Now no paths are straight and my sword is useless.

"When I overthrew Numedides, then I was the Liberator - now they spit at my shadow. They have put a statue of that swine in the temple of Mitra, and people go and wail before it, hailing it as the holy effigy of a saintly monarch who was done to death by a red-handed barbarian. When I led her armies to victory as a mercenary, Aquilonia overlooked the fact that I was a foreigner, but now she cannot forgive me.

"Now in Mitra's temple there come to burn incense to Numedides' memory, men whom his hangmen maimed and blinded, men whose sons died in his dungeons, whose wives and daughters were dragged into his seraglio. The fickle fools!"

- From "The Phoenix on the Sword," by Robert E. Howard.

Ok - so I guess if we're going by the original source, Conan MUST be a Moma... Sorry A1...

That said - I never read the book. In fact, I've never heard of Robert E Howard. When he first appeared in this thread, I just assumed someone was going off topic to talk about the American Civil War, and that this guy was like Robert E Lee, only his last name was Howard, making him....nobody....in particular...

Anyhow...I dunno. I remember watching Conan the Barbarian with Arnold and I loved it.

In fact - I now wanna go buy it and hopefully will next month (already maxed out my movie spending this month on incoming Haruhi DVDs) ...

But ok - I get your point...

Pete

[realdeal]

This guy is terrible! Is there any reason they didn't use the Rock?

[Vostok 7]

This guy is terrible! Is there any reason they didn't use the Rock?

Maybe because he's a terrible actor who's been typecast? See: The Tooth Fairy

Actually, don't see it. It's bad. Really bad.

[Wanzerfan]

Ok - so I guess if we're going by the original source, Conan MUST be a Moma... Sorry A1...

That said - I never read the book. In fact, I've never heard of Robert E Howard. When he first appeared in this thread, I just assumed someone was going off topic to talk about the American Civil War, and that this guy was like Robert E Lee, only his last name was Howard, making him....nobody....in particular...

Anyhow...I dunno. I remember watching Conan the Barbarian with Arnold and I loved it.

In fact - I now wanna go buy it and hopefully will next month (already maxed out my movie spending this month on incoming Haruhi DVDs) ...

But ok - I get your point...

Pete

Robert E. Howard is the one who created Conan the Barbarian; don't know if he created Red Sonya, though.

[Gubaba]

...don't know if he created Red Sonya, though.

He didn't. She was created for the comics.

[VFTF1]

Robert E. Howard is the one who created Conan the Barbarian; don't know if he created Red Sonya, though.

Wow. That's news to me. I mean, I thought Conan was created in the XXth century; and I never would have guessed that a famous Civil War General created Conan. But now that I think about it, it makes sense. I mean, in the 19th century, you had things like Frankenstein and Dracula, and ...wasn't Synbad the Sailor also created back then? Anyways - Conan fits. Still - did Robert E. Howard create him before or after the Civil War?

He didn't. She was created for the comics.

I thought Red Sonya was the wife of Captain America's arche nemesis Red Skull?

I'm confused.

Pete

[Agent ONE]

The Red Sonja comics and books have gone is so many conflicting directions. Kinda like x-men. I mean in one x-men comic Rogue is married to magneto, in the movie he tries to kill her. I am not sure there is an "official storyline" anymore.

[Gubaba]

The Red Sonja comics and books have gone is so many conflicting directions. Kinda like x-men. I mean in one x-men comic Rogue is married to magneto, in the movie he tries to kill her. I am not sure there is an "official storyline" anymore.

I'm not sure there ever really was a coherent Red Sonja storyline.

There is, of course, a coherent Conan story, but it's hard to discern through all the pastiches, sequels by other hands, and "posthumous collaborations." And if you stick only to Howard's original stories (which I think is probably the best way to go), there are huge gaps in the chronology, since Howard wrote the stories out of chronological order, and killed himself at age 30, with only about two dozen Conan stories done, and quite a few more left unfinished...which is a real shame. If he had lived to a ripe old age, I wonder if he would've continued milking Conan endlessly, or if he would've completed the series.

[Vostok 7]

Wow. That's news to me. I mean, I thought Conan was created in the XXth century; and I never would have guessed that a famous Civil War General created Conan. But now that I think about it, it makes sense. I mean, in the 19th century, you had things like Frankenstein and Dracula, and ...wasn't Synbad the Sailor also created back then? Anyways - Conan fits. Still - did Robert E. Howard create him before or after the Civil War?

I thought Red Sonya was the wife of Captain America's arche nemesis Red Skull?

I'm confused.

Pete

Are you really this dumb or do you just play one on TV?

[Hoptimus]

1.) Reguardless of the actor this Conan will fail with the real Conan fans. If you want the Howard Conan then run for this hills. This is another Hollywood Origin story. Boo.

2.) Red Sonja is a character that Roy Thomas tweaked from REH's fiction to make a sword and sorcery Heroine.

The character was loosely based on Red Sonya of Rogatino in Robert E. Howard's short story "The Shadow of the Vulture" (The Magic Carpet, January 1934), which Roy Thomas rewrote as a Conan story for Marvel Comics Conan the Barbarian #23 (1973). Thomas also somewhat based Red Sonja on another Howard character, Dark Agnes de Chastillon, a sword woman in 16th-century France.[1]

Red Sonja is somewhat different from Robert E. Howard's original Red Sonya. Besides tweaking the spelling of her name, Thomas transformed her from a sword- and pistol-wielding supporting character of the late Renaissance into a sword-wielding heroine of Conan's prehistoric Hyborian Age.

Blah.

[Einherjar]

Anyone remember the Conan the Adventurer TV series (no, not the cartoon)? It had the big German dude from Gladiator.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conan_the_Adv...%28TV_series%29

[mikeszekely]

Anyone remember the Conan the Adventurer TV series (no, not the cartoon)?

No. But I remember the cartoon.

[Wanzerfan]

No. But I remember the cartoon.

Pretty good cartoon. Too bad they didn't get to finish the storyline. I would like to have seen the rest of Grey Wolf's family broken from the wolf curse.

[Uxi]

I loved that cartoon! Need to get that and ExoSquad on DVD.

[Einherjar]

The cartoon was awesome, but the it sucked once it went to CBS and replaced everyone for the three special siblings.

[mikeszekely]

The cartoon was awesome, but the it sucked once it went to CBS and replaced everyone for the three special siblings.

Yeah, Conan the Adventurer was good. Conan and the Young Warriors not so much.

[Agent ONE]

Anyone remember the Conan the Adventurer TV series (no, not the cartoon)? It had the big German dude from Gladiator.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conan_the_Adv...%28TV_series%29

I remember, and as much as I liked Ralph Moeller in Universal Soldier and Gladiator, this show was terrible. Whoever wrote for it, read none of the books and in no way ever saw the movie. TOTALLY wrong feel.

[mikeszekely]

I remember, and as much as I liked Ralph Moeller in Universal Soldier and Gladiator, this show was terrible. Whoever wrote for it, read none of the books and in no way ever saw the movie. TOTALLY wrong feel.

Well did you at least like the cartoon, A1?

[Uxi]

Heh, I remember watching Moeller crying as Conan and busted up laughing. Conan is just too mature to be on anything other than HBO or Showtime, perhaps.

[Agent ONE]

Well did you at least like the cartoon, A1?

Wasn't even aware there was one.

[Einherjar]

I remember, and as much as I liked Ralph Moeller in Universal Soldier and Gladiator, this show was terrible. Whoever wrote for it, read none of the books and in no way ever saw the movie. TOTALLY wrong feel.

Yeah, Xena and Hercules were better quality-wise back then. Plus this was on UPN on the weekends, with a lot of shows that really didn't work.

[grss1982]

Just so you all know, I'm still in shape.. Took this just now:

I would SO make a better Conan than this twerp. I also care.

So that is really you in the avatar?

Back on topic:

What's up with the casting choice. Always pictured Conan to be this buffed up dude who can't speak coherent English.

I think I'm gonna be joining Agent ONE as well at the roof top if this pushes through.

Edited February 1, 2010 by grss1982

[realdeal]

Maybe because he's a terrible actor who's been typecast? See: The Tooth Fairy

Actually, don't see it. It's bad. Really bad.

Come on! Conan isn't exactly Shakepeare. He doesn't look that bad here: