FURIOUS OVER NEW CONAN (Conan the Barbarian remake)

[Keith]

I am keeping a list of you mutherfukers. Can't WAIT to start discussing what I do with my toenail clippings in your favorite threads.

Consider it retroactive payback! Besides, it is somewhat on topic, I'd rather see Conan Obrien playing Conan in this new movie than that douche!

[taksraven]

Consider it retroactive payback! Besides, it is somewhat on topic, I'd rather see Conan Obrien playing Conan in this new movie than that douche!

At least then the film would be funny!

Taksraven

[Vostok 7]

FUCK YEAH, SEAKING!

by the way, this is the single most homoerotic thread on the entire board.

Well, it is an A1 thread after all.

[Graham]

As coincidence would have it, I'm just re-reading the original Robert E. Howard Conan stories. Must be 20 years since I last read them.

Damn good stuff.

Graham

[VFTF1]

Actually, it's pretty fucking easy to get around shit like that.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You farting slurm!!! You're demoralizing me and hurting my sensibilities with your insensitive poo! Now stop this farting poo and stop talking like a slurm!! I'm gonna report this poo to the farting mods you slurm!

I actually liked the swear filter...it had a wonderful Orwellian quality to it

And as for the new Conan - poo on that farting slurm!

Pete

[Gubaba]

As coincidence would have it, I'm just re-reading the original Robert E. Howard Conan stories. Must be 20 years since I last read them.

Damn good stuff.

Graham

That's cool. I was in Borders a couple of weeks ago and picked up the first volume of the new-ish Del Rey Conan collection. This thread's inspired me to start reading it tonight.

[Agent ONE]

Well, it is an A1 thread after all.

I'm a sexy bitch, and I was born this way, I can't do a thing about it.

[taksraven]

I'm a sexy bitch, and I was born this way, I can't do a thing about it.

Yer gonna start singing "I'm too Sexy" next. Time to audition for Right Said Fred....... :lol:

Taksraven

[Retracting Head Ter Ter]

I nominate Franco Columbu to be Conan. Sure he's older now, but he hung with Arnie and even played a Terminator in the first film.

The head is too big! Damn you Yamato!

[VFTF1]

Yeah -

We wish a million nurly pins and exploding shoulders on the inevitable upcoming Conan action figure! And lead tainted dreadlocks!

Pete

[Roy Focker]

I for one am all for hijacking this topic to talk about Coco if it means a less chance of more pics of shirtless men.

[VFTF1]

I dunno. I never mutch liked Coco in any of its' myriad forms. Hot chocolate? Rarely...really really rarely is it ever well made. And oh god don't even get me started on those instant crap ones with the fake marshmallows... yuck. Coco puffs - now there was a breakfast cerial! I loved Coco Puffs! I was like the commercial - I'd go kookoo (cucu? how do you spell it?) for Coco puffs. ... at least until they didn't turn all soggy in the milk...then they sucked. Peee yuu! Fee! Bleh!! Coco Chanel? Is that really his name? Did he make any men's cologne? I dunno. I use Armani Code One - I find it fits me well. Used Givenchy for a while - but switched back to Armani later. I also like his ties. But his latest mens (and women's) designs? No thanks. ... But then again... I'm generalizing... I guess..I don't know much about fashion design...

Anyways... Coco as such is not very appealing.

Anyways... I am curious what the PLOT will be about in this Conan movie. Will it be as metrosexual as the actor looks? Will Conan have snappy come backs and one liners?

I kind of liked the "barbaric" over the top nature of Arnold's Conan. And...I might be conflating it with the sequal - but James Earl Jones was in one...wasn't he? He had a snake or something...?

But yeah...maybe we should nominate actresses for the Wenches?

Pete

[Agent ONE]

I for one am all for hijacking this topic to talk about Coco if it means a less chance of more pics of shirtless men.

If you would just get into the gym, there wouldn't be so much to be uncomfortable about

[Agent ONE]

I don't think you guys are successful at derailing this thread with talk of Conan Obrien because he really isn't that interesting. The show isn't bad, but it isn't all that great either. And why do they call him "COCO?" Thats just pussy. Makes me like him even less. I'd rather talk about Arsenio Hall than Obrien.

[mikeszekely]

I'd rather talk about Arsenio Hall than Obrien.

He still exists?

[Agent ONE]

He still exists?

No, but neither does Obrien now.

[eugimon]

No, but neither does Obrien now.

are you kidding, with all support he has and and FACEBOOK fans??? His new show on fox will have awesome ratings.

for a week. Just like they did when he first got the tonight show, then all the hipsters will stop watching and fox will can him in a month like they did to Chevy Chase.

[Agent ONE]

are you kidding, with all support he has and and FACEBOOK fans??? His new show on fox will have awesome ratings.

...

If he gets a new show, then ok, but more likely, he will disappear. He really isn't that funny.

[EXO]

talk shows are lame. Too bad there's so many before Poker After Dark.

[Keith]

No, he isn't "that" funny, he's "that and a bag of chips" funny.

[VFTF1]

Conan lets himself be called "Coco" ?

I take back my earlier praise of him...

Pete

[Keith]

Conan lets himself be called "Coco" ?

I take back my earlier praise of him...

Pete

Conan hates the nickname "Coco," it's a moniker that Tom Hanks bestowed upon him during his first week on the Tonight Show 7 months ago. Unfortunately it stuck despite his constant protests.

[VFTF1]

Talk about bad luck.

His only hope now is to marry Jennifer Lopez as quickly as humanly possible. CocoJ-Lo sounds good.

Pete

[1/1 LowViz Lurker]

The only thing I didn't like about arnie in the original movie, was the idea that someone like him only being a good fighter, could be tricked or decieved easily because he isn't really a smart guy. A guy who can barely read is more likely to be used and manipulated by a bad guy.

Personally I wouldn't mind a more cunning barbarian with a bit more of a brain who is a thinking man's warrior that can survive on his wits as much as fighting. If some random fantasy monster is just too tall or big to have its head and balls chopped off, he shouldn't waste energy trying to be the typical tough guy and fight with a big heavy sword at close where it is dangerous, or wrestle it or strangle it to show how manly he is, but instead use a bow to hit the thing in the eye to blind it fro ma safe distance to survive. That requires a bit of patience and skill, not raw power. A barbarian that can think and make wise choices (using his knowledge and skill of all weapons) might be better for a remake conan. Something for fans of gladiator with startegy vs mindless action like 300?

But I won't lie: I really just want a sequel movie that just continues on from the old one. Similar to how stallone continued with rambo and rocky so fans who were there earlier don't have to worry about them changing things to suit a new audience.

No more remakes!

Edited January 28, 2010 by 1/1 LowViz Lurker

[Wanzerfan]

The only thing I didn't like about arnie in the original movie, was the idea that someone like him only being a good fighter, could be tricked or decieved easily because he isn't really a smart guy. A guy who can barely read is more likely to be used and manipulated by a bad guy.

Personally I wouldn't mind a more cunning barbarian with a bit more of a brain who is a thinking man's warrior that can survive on his wits as much as fighting. If some random fantasy monster is just too tall or big to have its head and balls chopped off, he shouldn't waste energy trying to be the typical tough guy and fight with a big heavy sword at close where it is dangerous, or wrestle it or strangle it to show how manly he is, but instead use a bow to hit the thing in the eye to blind it fro ma safe distance to survive. That requires a bit of patience and skill, not raw power. A barbarian that can think and make wise choices (using his knowledge and skill of all weapons) might be better for a remake conan. Something for fans of gladiator with startegy vs mindless action like 300?

But I won't lie: I really just want a sequel movie that just continues on from the old one. Similar to how stallone continued with rambo and rocky so fans who were there earlier don't have to worry about them changing things to suit a new audience.

No more remakes!

That is exactly what Howard's vision of Conan is. He had a head on his shoulders, it's just he didn't really trust magic is all; he had some very nasty experiences with sorcerers from what I've heard (I have a copy of Conan and the Sorcerer, illustrated by Estaban Moroto; very good artwork, even though the Cimmerian is a little overbuffed in the art). Edited January 28, 2010 by Wanzerfan

[1/1 LowViz Lurker]

Yeah I didn't like how they gave conan magic in the xbox360 hack n slash game. lol

[Gubaba]

That is exactly what Howard's vision of Conan is. He had a head on his shoulders, it's just he didn't really trust magic is all; he had some very nasty experiences with sorcerers from what I've heard (I have a copy of Conan and the Sorcerer, illustrated by Estaban Moroto; very good artwork, even though the Cimmerian is a little overbuffed in the art).

Conan and the Sorcerer was written by Andrew Offutt, not Robert E. Howard.

Up until about seven or eight years ago, it was really hard to tell what "Howard's vision of Conan" even was, since the only way you could find the original stories was the eleven- or twelve-volume set from Ace books, that combined Howard's original stories (all out of order) with rewrites and additions by Lin Carter and L. Sprague DeCamp. Separating what was by Howard and what was by the other writers was a challenge.

Thankfully, the newer three-volume set fixes all that.

[Agent ONE]

I'd rather have a CG Conan than some pansy playing him. I wonder if anyone suggested that.

[VFTF1]

The only thing I didn't like about arnie in the original movie, was the idea that someone like him only being a good fighter, could be tricked or decieved easily because he isn't really a smart guy. A guy who can barely read is more likely to be used and manipulated by a bad guy.

Personally I wouldn't mind a more cunning barbarian with a bit more of a brain who is a thinking man's warrior that can survive on his wits as much as fighting. If some random fantasy monster is just too tall or big to have its head and balls chopped off, he shouldn't waste energy trying to be the typical tough guy and fight with a big heavy sword at close where it is dangerous, or wrestle it or strangle it to show how manly he is, but instead use a bow to hit the thing in the eye to blind it fro ma safe distance to survive. That requires a bit of patience and skill, not raw power. A barbarian that can think and make wise choices (using his knowledge and skill of all weapons) might be better for a remake conan. Something for fans of gladiator with startegy vs mindless action like 300?

But I won't lie: I really just want a sequel movie that just continues on from the old one. Similar to how stallone continued with rambo and rocky so fans who were there earlier don't have to worry about them changing things to suit a new audience.

No more remakes!

With all due respect... but in Conan's day and age...him not being able to read, or barely being able to read, didn't exactly make him a social outcast. I mean...hardly anybody could read...

I also disagree with the sentiment.

What need is there for cunning?

In a world where all you want is to eat, drink and sleep with wenches, and other dudes want to kill you, then all you need to do is kill them, take their wenches and eat some good meat.

That's why I liked the Arnold movie.

I don't want a deep Conan. I don't want Conan the Philosopher or Conan the Psychotherapist. And it certainly isn't Conan the Sensitive Metrosexual or EVEN Conan the Tall, Dark and Handsome Suave guy with the Cool Dreads and Dark Romantic Eyes That the Ladies Love. It's Conan the Barbarian. And it's all about a big dirty sweaty guy who starts out as a slave becoming a man who gets to eat well and has hot girls (which slaves generally don't get).

It's fun that way

Pete

[taksraven]

I'd rather have a CG Conan than some pansy playing him. I wonder if anyone suggested that.

And what is wrong with pansies??

Taksraven

[CoryHolmes]

And what is wrong with pansies??

Taksraven

That's a loaded question, given whom you're asking

[VFTF1]

There are even WOMEN who would make a better Conan the Barbarian than the guy they picked...

Pete

[mikeszekely]

With all due respect... but in Conan's day and age...him not being able to read, or barely being able to read, didn't exactly make him a social outcast. I mean...hardly anybody could read...

I also disagree with the sentiment.

What need is there for cunning?

In a world where all you want is to eat, drink and sleep with wenches, and other dudes want to kill you, then all you need to do is kill them, take their wenches and eat some good meat.

That's why I liked the Arnold movie.

I don't want a deep Conan. I don't want Conan the Philosopher or Conan the Psychotherapist. And it certainly isn't Conan the Sensitive Metrosexual or EVEN Conan the Tall, Dark and Handsome Suave guy with the Cool Dreads and Dark Romantic Eyes That the Ladies Love. It's Conan the Barbarian. And it's all about a big dirty sweaty guy who starts out as a slave becoming a man who gets to eat well and has hot girls (which slaves generally don't get).

It's fun that way

Pete

I don't think they meant that Conan should be scholarly, learned, or have an opinion on the social issues of the day. I think they meant that Conan should be street smart and clever rather than "Conan smash!"

[Wanzerfan]

Conan and the Sorcerer was written by Andrew Offutt, not Robert E. Howard.

Up until about seven or eight years ago, it was really hard to tell what "Howard's vision of Conan" even was, since the only way you could find the original stories was the eleven- or twelve-volume set from Ace books, that combined Howard's original stories (all out of order) with rewrites and additions by Lin Carter and L. Sprague DeCamp. Separating what was by Howard and what was by the other writers was a challenge.

Thankfully, the newer three-volume set fixes all that.

I knew that; I just wanted to say how beautifully illustrated that work was.

There are even WOMEN who would make a better Conan the Barbarian than the guy they picked...

Pete

Thanks for making my eyes bleed, you schmuck. I think I'm going to go projectile vomit now.

[VFTF1]

I don't think they meant that Conan should be scholarly, learned, or have an opinion on the social issues of the day. I think they meant that Conan should be street smart and clever rather than "Conan smash!"

But there were no streets back then

Still ... ok I get your point...however - I think it SHOULD be Conan smash - albeit...that's actually a bit of a stereotype...barbarism means living by instinct and not so much weighing options, but just doing what your instinct tells you. So...not thinking about means and ends or method - but just charging in.

Generally speaking that might not be a good idea - but in the context of a movie named Conan the Barbarian...you'd think they'd...you know...want to explore Barbarism rather than water it down

Thanks for making my eyes bleed, you schmuck. I think I'm going to go projectile vomit now.

I think she's hot!

Pete