JRock Posted June 17, 2004 Posted June 17, 2004 ahem....Cooke: You scared mother&*^%er? Well you should be because this green beret is going to kick your ass. Matrix: I eat green berets for breakfast. And right now I'm very hungry Cindy: I can't believe this macho bullshit!! The great thing about that fight is the stunt double for Cooke is clearly wearing a mask (You can see the top of his dome crinkling) Hilarious!
Agent ONE Posted June 17, 2004 Author Posted June 17, 2004 So if AgentONE had a band all this time, why hasn't he mentioned it earlier?Confused? Visit ArnoCorps and all will be clear. Yeah, I've seen that... A little strange if you ask me.
EXO Posted June 17, 2004 Posted June 17, 2004 So if AgentONE had a band all this time, why hasn't he mentioned it earlier?Confused? Visit ArnoCorps and all will be clear. Yeah, I've seen that... A little strange if you ask me. You think that's strange... there's a guy on this boards that worships Arnold. Pretty much won't watch anything that doesn't have Arnold in it. He even said he'll take a bullet for Arnold... I'll take a bullet for him... as long as it wasn't from a gun! Weird!
Agent ONE Posted June 17, 2004 Author Posted June 17, 2004 So if AgentONE had a band all this time, why hasn't he mentioned it earlier?Confused? Visit ArnoCorps and all will be clear. Yeah, I've seen that... A little strange if you ask me. You think that's strange... there's a guy on this boards that worships Arnold. Pretty much won't watch anything that doesn't have Arnold in it. He even said he'll take a bullet for Arnold... I'll take a bullet for him... as long as it wasn't from a gun! Weird! RAWR!
bsu legato Posted June 17, 2004 Posted June 17, 2004 So if AgentONE had a band all this time, why hasn't he mentioned it earlier?Confused? Visit ArnoCorps and all will be clear. Yeah, I've seen that... A little strange if you ask me. Strange? Strange you say? What's strange about lyrics like these: Dillon, you son of a bitch What's the matter? The CIA got you pushing too many pencils? We're a rescue team, not assassins What happened to you Dillon? What happened to you Dillon? Stick around, stick around! What happened to you Dillon? You used to be someone! I could trust, I could trust! It's all bullshit, all of it The cabinet minister, the whole business So you cooked up a story And dropped the six of us in a meat grinder (chorus) I'm here, kill me, come on, kill me, I'm here Come on, do it now, kill me Run, get to the chopper (chorus) Hey Toten Adler, Give me a way out of this hole (chorus) Absolutely brilliant if you ask me. I nearly shed a tear when I read that.
Opus Posted June 17, 2004 Posted June 17, 2004 So if AgentONE had a band all this time, why hasn't he mentioned it earlier?Confused? Visit ArnoCorps and all will be clear. Yeah, I've seen that... A little strange if you ask me. You think that's strange... there's a guy on this boards that worships Arnold. Pretty much won't watch anything that doesn't have Arnold in it. He even said he'll take a bullet for Arnold... I'll take a bullet for him... as long as it wasn't from a gun! Weird! RAWR! A taste of your own. HAHA!
Agent ONE Posted June 17, 2004 Author Posted June 17, 2004 So if AgentONE had a band all this time, why hasn't he mentioned it earlier?Confused? Visit ArnoCorps and all will be clear. Yeah, I've seen that... A little strange if you ask me. Strange? Strange you say? What's strange about lyrics like these: Dillon, you son of a bitch What's the matter? The CIA got you pushing too many pencils? We're a rescue team, not assassins What happened to you Dillon? What happened to you Dillon? Stick around, stick around! What happened to you Dillon? You used to be someone! I could trust, I could trust! It's all bullshit, all of it The cabinet minister, the whole business So you cooked up a story And dropped the six of us in a meat grinder (chorus) I'm here, kill me, come on, kill me, I'm here Come on, do it now, kill me Run, get to the chopper (chorus) Hey Toten Adler, Give me a way out of this hole (chorus) Absolutely brilliant if you ask me. I nearly shed a tear when I read that. Upon a second inspection... You are correct, the lyrics are briliant.
Agent ONE Posted June 17, 2004 Author Posted June 17, 2004 So if AgentONE had a band all this time, why hasn't he mentioned it earlier?Confused? Visit ArnoCorps and all will be clear. Yeah, I've seen that... A little strange if you ask me. You think that's strange... there's a guy on this boards that worships Arnold. Pretty much won't watch anything that doesn't have Arnold in it. He even said he'll take a bullet for Arnold... I'll take a bullet for him... as long as it wasn't from a gun! Weird! RAWR! A taste of your own. HAHA! Dude, you cropped it! I love that thing!
Opus Posted June 17, 2004 Posted June 17, 2004 So if AgentONE had a band all this time, why hasn't he mentioned it earlier?Confused? Visit ArnoCorps and all will be clear. Yeah, I've seen that... A little strange if you ask me. You think that's strange... there's a guy on this boards that worships Arnold. Pretty much won't watch anything that doesn't have Arnold in it. He even said he'll take a bullet for Arnold... I'll take a bullet for him... as long as it wasn't from a gun! Weird! RAWR! A taste of your own. HAHA! Dude, you cropped it! I love that thing! Yeah, I couldn't find that one so I went straight to Oolong's site. http://www.fsinet.or.jp/~sokaisha/rabbit/rabbit.htm And so as to not be too off topic I pose a question to you. If you were to write an original screenplay(no sequels) with Arnold in mind what would it be.
Blaine23 Posted June 17, 2004 Posted June 17, 2004 Okay, those lyrics are completely beautiful... Which totally makes up for the unneccesary re-visit of Freddie Mercury in chain mail. I thought I'd left that behind in the late 80's. I was wrong. So wrong.
Agent ONE Posted June 18, 2004 Author Posted June 18, 2004 ...And so as to not be too off topic I pose a question to you. If you were to write an original screenplay(no sequels) with Arnold in mind what would it be? Must it be an original idea? I mean like could be an adaptation of something?
Opus Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 ...And so as to not be too off topic I pose a question to you. If you were to write an original screenplay(no sequels) with Arnold in mind what would it be? Must it be an original idea? I mean like could be an adaptation of something? Adaptations are OK. How about we say nothing that's been made into a movie in the past 30 years.
JsARCLIGHT Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 (edited) OK, here are my movie ideas for the next Arnold Films: Working Title: Master Debater Synopsys: Taking place in modern day, Arnold Schwarzenegger stars as Benjamin Dover, hardcore cop and lone wolf type that doesn't play by the rules who is only understood by his woman. He is after the international drug tzar Largo Keylargo (featuring Elton John in his breakout role)... but he just can't get any evidence or witnesses that he does not blow up during a shootout. The police captain Michael "Hunt" Hunter (skillfully acted by Dick Butkis, frothing at the mouth) tells him he better bust Keylargo and make it stick... and his only course of action is to go undercover as an English Language Speach Therapist at the Califournia Institute of Talking Right so he can keep an eye on Keylargo's prime stoolie Dillon "Spillon" Dabeanz (played by everyone's favorite cut-up Rob Schnider) who does not speak a word of english but is willing to turn tail on his former boss. Ben (Schwarzenegger) must single handedly keep Dillon (Schnider) safe from Keylargo's henchmen the "Pinkboys" but keep him away from his dumb as a sack of hammers girlfriend (played by a nice and toasted Paris Hilton), teach him to speak proper english so he can testify at the trial and tollerate his infuriating blather. It's Eraser meets the Letter People in this rockem sockem romp filled with shootouts, stupid blonde heiresses you want to beat with a lead pipe, explosions and above all else... proper dictation! Working Title: Pumping Iran Synopsys: In this razzle-dazzle nutsorama true life biopic Arnold Schwarsenegger plays himself in the true story of how he single-handedly challenges the top Iranian miniature golf champion to an all-out, no holds barred putt-putt slam-o-ramma. Starring the WWF's Iron Shiek as Aziz Puttemindeholen, Iran's "Little Green Golf Ball of Steel" and Maria Shriver as Arnold's personal ball washer. Tempers flair and tiny little girly-man golf clubs clash in this battle of the titans... miniture golf windmil hole style. Then in the amazing twist of coincidence, the Tuetels from American Chopper show up at the last second to build our hero Arnold a "pumped up" mega custom chopper putter to win the match, while at the same time yelling at each other for doing nothing as the Iyatolah steals Mikey's sammich... once again proving that if nothing else, americans at least always win in the movies... even if all they do is bicker with each other and break stuff. ... and lastly... Working Title: From Russia with Lead Synopsys: Once again, playing the best character type he can, Arnold Schwarzenegger plays an secret KGB agent who comes to america to recover all the pieces of the Berlin Wall sold on eBay so his evil masters can clone it from the wall's DNA and flood the world with a new army of giant radioactive Berlin Wall monsters... which look remarkably like Godzilla, just wearing one of those Russian Fur hats with a little red star on it. With the action and suspense of the Terminator and the comedy and quirky "he's not an american" humor of Red Heat, Arnold successfully recovers the pieces from the eBay buyers... by force... and his evil masters clone the wall into the super radioactive wall beast... only to discover the time in america has made the wall DNA kind and compassionate and the newly born Gozilla in a bushkin hat wall beast defies his masters and stomps the Kremlin instead. Arnold is then irradiated and grows hundreds of times his normal size and fights the Godzilla bushkin wall monster to the death! Thrills! Spills! A Giant Russian fur hat the size of an office building! Arnold's fists shoot of like Voltron! Guaranteed boffo bux at the box baybee. Edited June 18, 2004 by JsARCLIGHT
Agent ONE Posted June 18, 2004 Author Posted June 18, 2004 ...And so as to not be too off topic I pose a question to you. If you were to write an original screenplay(no sequels) with Arnold in mind what would it be? Must it be an original idea? I mean like could be an adaptation of something? Adaptations are OK. How about we say nothing that's been made into a movie in the past 30 years. I am going to give this some thought... I want to sleep on it. In the meentime you can either read JsARCLIGHT's ideas or possibly drop acid... The results will be the same.
dr_vandermeer Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 OK, here are my movie ideas for the next Arnold Films:Master Debater Pumping Iran From Russia with Lead I think I'd actually pay good money to see these. And not just as matinees.
JsARCLIGHT Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 Even more new Arnie movies: Working Title: Austrian Pie Synopsys: Everyone loves a good summer teen sex comedy... except for Arnold Schwarzenegger! In this rollicking fart-joke come to life Arnold plays Hans Toyerselv, Dean of a small midwestern college... yes that same small midwestern college you always hear about in the Penthouse forums. Hilarity and sexual inuendo insue as Hans (Schwarzenegger) tries to keep a lid on the raucus fraternaty "Tango House" as their lustful parties and drinking binges threaten to turn the campus into an all out orgy! Frat brothers Treekle (played by Micullay Culkin), Doober (played by Anthony Michael Hall), The Gort (played by Screetch from Saved by the Bell) and Beevage (played by a drunk off her ass Nichole Ritchie) try their hardest to get laid without the dean calling their parents. In their wackiest stunt to date, Tango House starts their own home improvement themed strip club/sports bar on campus called "The Toolbox" and try to get away with the profits... and the cheerleader's panties! So hear him now because there will be a test later, Dean Schwarzenegger will not let this raucus grope-fest of a fraternity pass! Working Title: The Postman Always Shoots Twice Synopsys: The Third World War has been fought! The world is in ruin and only the tough, the heavily armed and the mobile can survive! Arnold stars as "Screwy" Louie Rockatanski, the lone highway cop they pushed too far. Just wanting to live out the apocalypse in his own little quiet corner of hell, Louie retires from the force to be with his wife and kids and try to rebuild society with a nice dairy farm. But then, suddenly without warning, a nomadic force of ex-postal employees thunder in from out of the wasteland! His family killed! His home destroyed! His pies that he left cooling on the windowsill... gone! He can take no more! Louie then dons his leather and football pads to take back the world from the evil hordes of ransacking lettercarriers. Driving a hopped-up El Camino police interceptor, Schwarzenegger stamps their letters and meters their post in this post-apocalyptic blood and steel epic! The Highways ablaze with action! The mailboxes ablaze with suspense! The auto repair bill alone will make you want to run out to see this movie! ... and once again, lastly... Working Title: Thursday the 12th Synopsys: Horror, screams and really, really bad things happen in this gore-fest from beyond the grave! Schwarzenegger plays B.M. Night, ex-truck driver turned kid's camp counselor and the cast of Nickelodeon's Salute Your Shorts go away for a nice summer of crafts, canoeing and cold blooded murder at Camp Crystal Meth back in the deep, dank woods of the Florida Everglades. Soon the fun of camp fades to the fun of mass murder as campers and counselors alike turn up mauled in grisly fashion at the hands of Mason, a one-time camper himself who long ago was horribly mangled by Arts and Crafts hour... and playing Mason is none other than the king of pop, Michael Jackson! Decked out in a pastel taffeta suit and a phantom of the opera mask, Mason snatches the campers one by one and subjects them to horrible interpretive dance numbers and crotch grabbing as B.M. (Schwarzenegger) tries to save them! Culminating in a one-on-one stand-up sit-down fight, fight, fight B.M. and Mason duke it out in the final battlefield, the camper's nightmares! Blood! Guts! Screams! That one guy in the audience constantly yelling "oh HELL no, don't choo go in there, nuh-uuuh! No you di-int!"
EXO Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 I say we Californians need a recall! We need to get these movies made. I vote for the Postman Always Shoots Twice to go into production first! I mean... THEY TOOK HIS PIES!!!
bsu legato Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 I'd just like to see the full 3-hour version of Schwarzenegger's Hamlet, as seen in The Last Action Hero. "Claudius, you keeled ma fadder. Beeg mestake."
Angel's Fury Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 Master Debater Pumping Iran From Russia with Lead Austrian Pie The Postman Always Shoots Twice Thursday the 12th I agree with A1 and the rest, I'd certainly pay to see these movies!!!
JsARCLIGHT Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 Man, these are too easy... here are some more Bizzaro Schwarzenegger Movies! Working Title: Sousa Phones Synopsys: In his most controversial role to date, Schwarzenegger plays Dennis Sousa the grandson of great pompous band music composer John Phillip Sousa. Dennis (Schwarzenegger) has a great job as the most listened to morning zoo drivetime radio DJ on the coast (Don't be a Looza, Listen to Sousa!), making his hallmark crank calls that entertain as well as humiliate. Then one day the evil FCC kicks him off the airwaves due to his raunchy humor and downright unamerican vile language. Not willing to take this lying down, Dennis and his friends the station manager Morty Wiezenheimer (played by Jerry Sienfeld), the ghost of his granddad John Phillip (played by George Carlin, constantly cussing and muttering) and in another hilarious team-up with Rob Schnider as his radio show sidekick Llama boy take to the streets in a raunchy, punchy marching band of fun! Watch in stiches as they crank call the FCC into oblivion! Laugh till it hurts as they Toobah the ultra conservatives! It's the Jerky Boys meets Airheads with a tiny piece of Howard Stern's Private Parts thrown in for texture... because what american does not love filthy, vile crank phone calls? Featuring enough bouncy marching songs to make you want it to stop! Working Title: Frizbee Golfing for Anahiem Synopsys: An enfuriating, motivating and ego masturbating expose of Arnold Schwarzenegger by everyone's favorite man they love to hate... Michael Moore! In this latest controversial masterpiece, the true horror and evil, vile, monstrous danger that is Schwarzenegger is brought out into the light for all to see. Featuring the standard heavily edited interviews, slanted to make the point better! Featuring dubious facts pulled from the butt of the deep, dank recesses of the "insane" partisan website "GetOverIt.ORG"! Unabashed attacks on the film by talk show hosts have already started! In his daily radio vomit, Rush Limbaugh states "... this new film by Moore is sure to make americans everywhere die from sonic diharea, even just by thinking of seeing it... now where are my pills, daddy needs his fix...". Political pundit and boorish asswipe Sean Hannity says "... what the hell? Get that microphone out of my face you bastards! Guards, kill them! What? Oh, you want a sound bite on that new movie..." Watch the true story of how Schwarzenegger groped everyone, even your mom! Gasp at his inability to not grope his wife... or himself! Suffer from his awesome might! (note: film may not be released because the parent company Mom's Friendly Happy Puppy Kitten Baby Factory does not want to be held responsable for their artists having an opinon) ... and lastly... again.... Working Title: Wizzahd! Synopsys: Cashing in on both the Harry Potter sensation and the seeming box office gold of computer animated movies, Arnold Schwarzenegger stars as the voice of Timmy the Magic Wizzard in this wonderfully enchanting children's movie. Timmy must attend Buttnugget's School of Tax Evasion and Sorcery while attempting to solve the riddle of his missing drunk folks and doding attacks by his fellow students Hymeny (voiced every so slurmily by Sharon Stone), Don Measley (also voiced ever so slurmily by Don Johnson) and his arch nemisis Flako Malpractice (voiced by urban humorist Chris Rock). Magical Mayhem and other child friendly things happen in this huge, mega-million dollar adventure based on the bestselling books for children and immature adults with a 4th grade reading level! Soon to be followed by umpteen sequels and spinoffs as a cash cow this plump and ripe for the milking is just too good a thing to pass up! Don't forget to buy your Wizzahd! brand toothpaste, underoos, coffee table, Ford Tarus and left handed smoke shifters, kids!
Jolly Rogers Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 Magical Mayhem and other child friendly things happen in this huge, mega-million dollar adventure based on the bestselling books for children and immature adults with a 4th grade reading level! Soon to be followed by umpteen sequels and spinoffs as a cash cow this plump and ripe for the milking is just too good a thing to pass up! Don't forget to buy your Wizzahd! brand toothpaste, underoos, coffee table, Ford Tarus and left handed smoke shifters, kids! That's pure gold.
Opus Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 Js you've set an new standard for smartass replies. Kudos to you. Now how about Arnold as Talos the android in a live action Crusher Joe?
JsARCLIGHT Posted June 18, 2004 Posted June 18, 2004 Js you've set an new standard for smartass replies. Kudos to you. I aim to please... ... but I'm afraid to leave work now... Agent One is out in the parking lot crusing the street in front of my office ala Cape Fear style. JsARCLIGHT: "What are you doing here? Don't make me call the cops." Agent ONE: "It's a public street ain't it?"
Agent ONE Posted June 19, 2004 Author Posted June 19, 2004 ...Agent ONE: "It's a public street ain't it?" Well it is....
JsARCLIGHT Posted June 19, 2004 Posted June 19, 2004 JsARCLIGHT runs from no man... ... now a man in a car with his foot on the gas is another question... Anyway Agent ONE knows I'm just messing with his skull. I figure the more sass and flak I put up the faster he will shove my face in it with an actual real life Arnie movie treatment ala Opus.
bsu legato Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 (edited) Could The Oak be reuniting with his patron saint, James Cameron? I just found an interesting tidbit on Dark Horizons, which seems to contradict the reports that Cameron was moving ahead with Battle Angel Alita James Cameron's Sci-Fi Project Moviehole reports that James Cameron’s next flick, a mega-budgeted $200 million dollar 3-D movie, is coming together nicely. Brian Cox [“Manhunter”, “The Ring”] is apparently a certainty to have a role in it. Cox’s role is likely to be a lead. Cameron also wants some even bigger names for some of the parts - certain action heroes of the 80's in fact. "I think (the movie) is going to be huge, and it's going to be a huge enabler for the 3-D experience," Cameron said at this month’s Large Format Cinema Association conference and festival. Some sources say the film may centre on Man’s first trip to Mars, but Cameron has yet to announce the storyline. Sure, "action heros from the 80's is vague," but come on....who else could they mean? Stallone? Van Damme? Segal? Yeah, I'm sure that Cameron is just dying to work with them. Considering Cameron's penchant for recasting the same actors in all of his projects, I think it has to be Schwarzenegger. Edited June 21, 2004 by bsu legato
Blaine23 Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 ROTFLMAO, JSArclight.... Oddly enough your incredible pitches only reinforced my first instinct when it comes to pitching movies to the Schwarz... I would have suggested he immediately option the Slade Ripfire series of movies, posted by brilliant comedian Patton Oswalt on the Mr. Show website, bobanddavid.com. Check them out here - Slade Ripfire: Deadly Blood-kick to Oblivion
Agent ONE Posted June 22, 2004 Author Posted June 22, 2004 ...And so as to not be too off topic I pose a question to you. If you were to write an original screenplay(no sequels) with Arnold in mind what would it be? Must it be an original idea? I mean like could be an adaptation of something? Adaptations are OK. How about we say nothing that's been made into a movie in the past 30 years. CRUSADE This would be a movie that takes place durring the crusades where Arnold is a theif who has been caught and is sentenced to death in England. The king notices that Arnold is one tough dude, but at the same time realized that he can lead an army. He spares Arnolds life and tells him to lead a special batalion of assassins into the Holy land and take what rightfully belongs to the Church of England. The movie starts out with Arnold having no faith in God at all, then he believes when he gets this second chance that God has somehow given him this second chance... He brands his back with a cross and vows only to serve God and the Church of England. As he arrives in the Holy land he is taking his unit of assassins (made solely of former criminals) to kill various Muslim leaders and Jewish leaders. As the movie progresses Arnold will begin to learn about the Jewish religion and Islam and through all this killing, the hipochracy of each religion becomes obvious. He is distraught over this and decices he is going to win this war for the Church of England, but before control of the region is given he is going to murder all the English and French leaders also, so basically everyone dies. This will be an incredibly anti-religious move, but contraversial none the less. Opus, You wanted me to write an original screenplay... This isn't one as this story was actually written, for a movie of the same title that was never made. Can you guess the author?
bsu legato Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 You wanted me to write an original screenplay... This isn't one as this story was actually written, for a movie of the same title that was never made. Can you guess the author? I do remember that Paul Verhoeven was supposed to direct this one, many years ago. Too bad it never got off the ground.
EXO Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 (edited) Cameron? ADD: After looking it up on Cinescape's Development Heck section, all I could find was the screen writer's name, Walon Green... would have never guessed it, cuz I have no idea who that is... Edited June 22, 2004 by >EXO<
dr_vandermeer Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 ...And so as to not be too off topic I pose a question to you. If you were to write an original screenplay(no sequels) with Arnold in mind what would it be? Must it be an original idea? I mean like could be an adaptation of something? Adaptations are OK. How about we say nothing that's been made into a movie in the past 30 years. CRUSADE This would be a movie that takes place durring the crusades where Arnold is a theif who has been caught and is sentenced to death in England. The king notices that Arnold is one tough dude, but at the same time realized that he can lead an army. He spares Arnolds life and tells him to lead a special batalion of assassins into the Holy land and take what rightfully belongs to the Church of England. The movie starts out with Arnold having no faith in God at all, then he believes when he gets this second chance that God has somehow given him this second chance... He brands his back with a cross and vows only to serve God and the Church of England. As he arrives in the Holy land he is taking his unit of assassins (made solely of former criminals) to kill various Muslim leaders and Jewish leaders. As the movie progresses Arnold will begin to learn about the Jewish religion and Islam and through all this killing, the hipochracy of each religion becomes obvious. He is distraught over this and decices he is going to win this war for the Church of England, but before control of the region is given he is going to murder all the English and French leaders also, so basically everyone dies. This will be an incredibly anti-religious move, but contraversial none the less. Opus, You wanted me to write an original screenplay... This isn't one as this story was actually written, for a movie of the same title that was never made. Can you guess the author? I do like the everyone dies part. Seriously. Reminds me of Gath Ennis' 'Punisher:The End." I like fraked up endings. Like I wish the kid in AI stayed down there underwater. That would've been perfect.
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