Random Complaint Generator

[bsu legato]

http://www.pakin.org/complaint/

Finally science has replicated fanboy vitriol and packaged it in easy-to-use html format! It replicates all the bluster of any number of wannabe political e-pundits and stays sharp enough to cut this ripe tomato!

And now, I present my randomly generated rant on the hive of scum and villainy known as the Official Galactica Board:

I would like to unmask Galactica Fanboys's true face and intentions in regard to Pyrrhonism. In the text that follows, when I quote from Galactica Fanboys, I will use the word "excrement" in place of another word which is now apparently permitted in general circulation publications and which I have edited out. Galactica Fanboys says that the media should "create" news rather than report it. That's its unvarying story, and it's a lie: an extremely noisome and impetuous lie. Unfortunately, it's a lie that is accepted unquestioningly, uncritically, by Galactica Fanboys's apostles. We need to educate others about the cock-and-bull stories and insinuations of peevish bureaucrats. That sounds really ophidian, but I feel that it's an accurate assessment of the situation.

By refusing to act, by refusing to warn the public against those antihumanist vermin whose positive accomplishments are always practically nil, but whose conceit can scarcely be excelled, we are giving Galactica Fanboys the power to dupe its shills into believing that everything is happy and fine and good. We could opt to sit back and let Galactica Fanboys create an ideological climate that will enable it to withhold information and disseminate half truths and whole lies. Most people, however, would argue that the cost in people's lives and self-esteem is an extremely high price to pay for such inaction on our part.

How can Galactica Fanboys live with itself, knowing that its arguments are just an outcropping of its hatred of us? The answer is almost thoroughly obvious -- this isn't rocket science, you know. The key is that Galactica Fanboys's goal is to cultivate the purest breed of irresponsibility. This is abject sesquipedalianism! Oh, and one more thing. As our society continues to unravel, more and more people will be grasping for straws, grasping for something to hold onto, grasping for something that promises to give them the sense of security and certainty that they so desperately need. These are the kinds of people Galactica Fanboys preys upon. If you will pardon me for mentioning it, when I first became aware of Galactica Fanboys's covert invasion into our thought processes, all I could think was how Galactica Fanboys ignores a breathtaking number of facts, most notably:

Fact: It is past time for us to shout back at Galactica Fanboys's propaganda.

Fact: I indeed don't want to have to listen to Galactica Fanboys's irritable billingsgate.

Fact: I know some illiberal adulterers who assert they once overheard Galactica Fanboys say, "We want to condition the public to accept violence as normal and desirable before you know it".

In addition, I want to see all of us working together to foster mutual understanding. Yes, this is an idealistic approach to actualizing our restorative goals. Nevertheless, you should realize that Galactica Fanboys occasionally shows what appears to be warmth, joy, love, or compassion. You should realize, however, that these positive expressions are more feigned than experienced and invariably serve an ulterior motive, such as to let imperious degenerates run rampant through the streets. The bottom line is that I have put this letter before you, without any gain to myself, because I care.

[Dangard Ace]

My complaint about Mr. BSU Legato

When I began writing this letter, I had the notion that I would write about something positive and optimistic instead of going on about how wanton Mr. BSU Legato is. Unfortunately, I couldn't think of anything particularly positive to write about. So, instead, I'll just tell you that BSU's hypnopompic insights stink of cover-ups, stalls, diversionary tactics, legal maneuverings, and other measures that turn peaceful gatherings into embarrassing scandals. In the text that follows, when I quote from BSU, I will use the word "excrement" in place of another word which is now apparently permitted in general circulation publications and which I have edited out. I don't have time to go into this in as much detail as I should, but this is not the first time I've wanted to act against injustice, whether it concerns drunk driving, domestic violence, or even obscurantism. But it is the first time I realized that relative to just a few years ago, testy despots are nearly ten times as likely to believe that insidious enemies of the people are inherently good, sensitive, creative, and inoffensive. This is neither a coincidence nor simply a sign of the times. Rather, it reflects a sophisticated, psychological warfare program designed by BSU to glorify the things that everyone else execrates. Even so, slaphappy libertines like BSU are not born -- they are excreted. However unsavory that metaphor may be, BSU should work with us, not step in at the eleventh hour and hog all the glory. On a closing note, I hope that this letter, while incomplete, informal, and having no authority except its own inner strength and conviction, has clearly demonstrated to you that the only visible result of Mr. BSU Legato's apologues has been a series of tactical and strategic policy blunders.

[zeo-mare]

hmm i wonder....

My complaint about Mr. Dangard Ace

I am writing to express my concerns about Mr. Dangard Ace and, more specifically, his memoirs regarding slovenly stirrers. I will start this discussion by arguing that most pundits are uncertain about the magnitude of the threat posed by Dangard Ace's rantings. Then, I will present evidence that Dangard Ace is careless with data, makes all sorts of causal interpretations of things without any real justification, has a way of combining disparate ideas that don't seem to hang together, seems to show a sort of pride in his own biases, gets into all sorts of empty-headed speculation, and then makes no effort to test out his speculations -- and that's just the short list! But it gets worse than that. His patsies are merely ciphers. Dangard Ace is the one who decides whether or not to evoke a misdirected response to genuine unresolved grievances. Dangard Ace is the one who gives out the orders to represent a threat to all the people in the area, indeed, possibly the world. And Dangard Ace is the one trying to conceal how I feel that he has insulted everyone with even the slightest moral commitment. Dangard Ace obviously has none, or he wouldn't spoon-feed us his pabulum.

Dangard Ace has compiled an impressive list of grievances against me. Not only are all of these grievances completely fictitious, but it has been said that it must be nice to live in Dangard Ace's little world, where the sun shines, the birds chirp merrily, and reality never rears its ugly head. I believe that to be true. I also believe that he is not as rotten or vainglorious as you might think. He's more so. I aver I am not alone when I say that when I say that Dangard Ace's shenanigans are insolent, I mean it. I don't mean that they remind me of something insolent or that they have one or two insolent characteristics. I mean that they are insolent. In fact, the most insolent thing about them is the way that they prevent people from seeing that given the amount of misinformation that Dangard Ace is circulating, I must point out that I suppose it's predictable, though terribly sad, that unimaginative thieves with stronger voices than minds would revert to cantankerous behavior. But he wants to see to it that all patriotic endeavors are directed down blind alleys, where they end in frustration and discouragement. It gets better: He actually believes that everyone who doesn't share his beliefs is an otiose, harebrained twit deserving of death and damnation. I guess no one's ever told him that if you look back over some of my older letters, you'll see that I predicted that he would combine, in a rare mixture, bestial cruelty and an inconceivable gift for lying. And, as I predicted, he did. But you know, that was not a difficult prediction to make. Anyone who has bothered to learn even a little about Dangard Ace could have made the same prediction. Dangard Ace decidedly believes that the rest of us are an inferior group of people, fit only to be enslaved, beaten, and butchered at the whim of our betters. What kind of Humpty-Dumpty world is he living in? You see, the unalterable law of biology has a corollary that is generally overlooked. Specifically, he is willing to promote truth and justice when it's convenient. But when it threatens his creature comforts, he throws principle to the wind. If Dangard Ace is going to make an emotional appeal, then he should also include a rational argument.

Although I can no more change the past than see the future, it's safe to say that if Dangard Ace has spurred us to solve the problems that are important to most people, then Dangard Ace may have accomplished a useful thing. Particularly telling is the way that his crusades make about as much sense as jumping off a building and hoping you'll sprout wings on the way down. For proof of this fact, I must point out that that fact is simply inescapable to any thinking man or woman. "Thinking" is the key word in the previous sentence. Other than that, there is a proper place in life for hatred. Hatred of that which is wrong is a powerful and valuable tool. But when Dangard Ace perverts hatred in order to transform our little community into a global crucible of terror and gore, it becomes clear that I have never been in favor of being gratuitously adversarial. I have also never been in favor of sticking my head in the sand or of refusing to examine his worldview from the perspective of its axiology (values) and epistemology (ways of knowing). This is far from all I have to say on the topic, but it's certainly enough for now. Just remember one thing: A sure-fire way to elicit derisive sneers, leers, and jeers from Mr. Dangard Ace is to plant markers that define the limits of what is irrational and what is not.

[zeo-mare]

hit this one dead on.

My complaint about Harmony Gold

While you're probably sick of hearing about Harmony Gold, it is crucial that you read this letter. Read on, gentle reader, and hear what I have to say. Harmony Gold exhibits bad sportsmanship. That's clear. But Harmony Gold's put-downs have caused widespread social alienation, and from this alienation a thousand social pathologies have sprung. When I was a child, my clergyman told me, "Ignorance of the law does not excuse Harmony Gold from the consequences of violating it." If you think about it you'll see his point. My current plan is to get the facts out in the hope that somebody will do something to solve the problem. Yes, it will draw upon the most powerful fires of Hell to tear that plan asunder, but when you tell Harmony Gold's provocateurs that Harmony Gold's maneuvers will send us to hell in a handbasket before you know it, they begin to get fidgety, and their eyes begin to wander. They really don't care. They have no interest in hearing that one does not have to reconstitute society on the basis of arrested development and envious malevolence in order to find more constructive contexts in which to work toward resolving conflicts. It is a nefarious person who believes otherwise.

If Harmony Gold had even a shred of intellectual integrity, it'd admit that its real enmity against us comes through in its utterances, which Harmony Gold uses to dismantle the guard rails that protect society from the self-centered elements in its midst. And I can say that with a clear conscience because you don't need to be a rocket scientist to detect the subtext of this letter. But just in case it's too subliminal for some, let me thrust it into your face right here: It wants us to feel sorry for the wayward, grotesque twerps who sweep its peccadillos under the rug. I think we should instead feel sorry for their victims, all of whom know full well that Harmony Gold says that its decisions are based on reason. That's a stupid thing to say. It's like saying that newspapers should report only on items it agrees with. One might maintain that only devious criminals are capable of imagining that no one is smart enough to see through Harmony Gold's transparent lies. While that's true, it does somewhat miss the point. You see, I don't know which are worse, right-wing tyrants or left-wing tyrants. But I do know that if I had my druthers, Harmony Gold would never have had the opportunity to violate the basic tenets of journalism and scholarship. As it stands, Harmony Gold is extremely impertinent. In fact, let's see what my Impertinent-O-Meter has to say about it. Whoa! The needle is off the scale! It's a good thing I checked, because Harmony Gold's trained seals contend that I'm too covinous to strip the unjust power from those who seek power over others and over nature. I say to them, "Prove it" -- not that they'll be able to, of course, but because the central paradox of Harmony Gold's ethics, the twist that makes Harmony Gold's positions so irresistible to the worst types of whiney, batty dopeheads I've ever seen, is that these people truly believe that Harmony Gold's sentiments can give us deeper insights into the nature of reality. Finally, any mistakes in this letter are strictly my fault. But if you find any factual error or have more updated information on the subject of Harmony Gold, Harmony Gold-inspired versions of recidivism, etc., please tell me, so I can write an even stronger letter next time.

[bsu legato]

My complaint about Mr. BSU Legato

*SNIP*

379827[/snapback]

Ouch! You sir, have cut me to the quick!

Edited March 13, 2006 by bsu legato

[pfunk]

friggin gas company

I have two orders of business regarding the gas company. One of the first facts we should face is that there are some basic biological realities of the world in which we live. These realities are doubtless regrettable, but they are unalterable. If the gas company finds them intolerable and unthinkable, the only thing that I can suggest is that it try to flag down a flying saucer and take passage for some other solar system, possibly one in which the residents are oblivious to the fact that I unquestionably hope that the truth will prevail and that justice will be served before the gas company does any real damage. Or is it already too late? If I'm not horribly mistaken, there's a painfully simple answer. It regards the way that the gas company maliciously defames and damagingly misrepresents everyone and everything around it. There's a word for that: libel. One might conclude that the gas company doesn't realize just how tenuous its grasp of reality actually is. Alternatively, one might conclude that the gas company's flock is reminiscent of the French Jacobin Club and its morbid obsession with power, death, and revanchism. In either case, the gas company's taradiddles are based on two fundamental errors. They assume that the gas company's generalizations can give us deeper insights into the nature of reality. And they promote the mistaken idea that the ideas of "freedom" and "exhibitionism" are Siamese twins. For those of you out there who don't know what I'm talking about, let me give you a quick explanation: we've tolerated the gas company's crapulous, unprincipled assertions long enough. It's time to lose our patience and chill our kindness. It's time to work beyond the predatory plasticity of the gas company's animadversions. It's time to shout to the world that its secret passion is to fuel the censorship-and-intolerance crowd. For shame! Guess what? I like to face facts. I like to look reality right in the eye and not pretend it's something else. And the reality of our present situation is this: The gas company is like a giant octopus sprawling its slimy length over city, state, and nation. Like the octopus of real life, it operates under cover of self-created screen. The gas company seizes in its long and powerful tentacles our executive officers, our legislative bodies, our schools, our courts, our newspapers, and every agency created for the public protection.

Also let me say that the gas company's statements such as "The gas company's activities won't be used for political retribution" indicate that we're not all looking at the same set of facts. Fortunately, these facts are easily verifiable with a trip to the library by any open and honest individual. While some information provided by the gas company's adulators may be factual, other material is unsubstantiated rumor or profligate remonstrations.

Far too many people tolerate the gas company's conjectures as long as they're presented in small, seemingly harmless doses. What these people fail to realize, however, is that the gas company has never gotten ahead because of its hard work or innovative ideas. Rather, all of the gas company's successes are due to kickbacks, bribes, black market double-dealing, outright thuggery, and unsavory political intrigue. The gas company's treatises always follow the same pattern. It puts the desired twist on the actual facts, ignores inconvenient facts, and invents as many new "facts" as necessary to convince us that it has the trappings of deity. In the simplest of terms, the gas company believes that it can ignore rules, laws, and protocol without repercussion. Sorry, but I have to call foul on that one. After having read this, you may think that the gas company's slaves will leave us high and dry as they cater to the basest instincts of recalcitrant, hate-filled barrators. Nevertheless, you should always remember that no one today believes that there is something intellectually provocative in the tired rehashing of ungrateful stereotypes.

[bsu legato]

While we're at it, here's something I've been wanting to get off my chest for some time now...

My complaint about The Flat Earth Society

Rather than engage in a point-by-point response to the textual interpretation of The Flat Earth Society's orations, I want to respond to the more general issue at hand. Let's get down to brass tacks: You, of course, now need some hard evidence that The Flat Earth Society's game is to send children to die as martyrs for causes that The Flat Earth Society is unwilling to die for itself. Well, how about this for evidence: Its stooges have learned their scripts well and the rhetoric comes gushing forth with little provocation. The Flat Earth Society is not just cocky; it's nutty, too. Although there's no denying that you can assume serious trouble is brewing when bookish slumlords commit all sorts of mortal sins -- not to mention an uncountable number of venial ones -- it may be somewhat more controversial to allege that either it has no real conception of the sweep of history, or it is merely intent on winning some debating pin by trying to pierce a hole in my logic with "facts" that are taken out of context.

All I can tell you is what matters to me: The Flat Earth Society has warned us that in the immediate years ahead, superficial lotharios will lower our standard of living. If you think about it, you'll realize that The Flat Earth Society's warning is a self-fulfilling prophecy in the sense that there is a format The Flat Earth Society should follow for its next literary endeavor. It involves a topic sentence and supporting facts. The Flat Earth Society keeps saying that uneducated twerps and impolitic bloodsuckers should rule this country. Isn't that claim getting a little shopworn? I mean, if it wants to complain, it should have an argument. It shouldn't just throw out the word "heterochromatization", for example, and expect us to be scared. In whatever form it takes -- magazines, music, propaganda, or any other form -- The Flat Earth Society's rhetoric is designed to defend absolutism, neocolonialism, and notions of racial superiority. The Flat Earth Society has stated that all it takes to solve our social woes are shotgun marriages, heavy-handed divorce laws, and a return to some mythical 1950s Shangri-la. That's just pure mandarinism. Well, in The Flat Earth Society's case, it might be pure ignorance, seeing that The Flat Earth Society and its chums are, by nature, rash, aberrent storytellers. Not only can that nature not be changed by window-dressing or persiflage, but there are few certainties in life. I have counted only three: death, taxes, and The Flat Earth Society announcing some deplorable thing every few weeks.

Clearly, anyone who hasn't been living in a cave with his eyes shut and his ears plugged knows that to the fullest extent that my age and health will permit, I will disentangle people from the snares set by The Flat Earth Society and its patsies. I've said that before and I've said it often, but perhaps I haven't been concrete enough or specific enough, so now I'll try to remedy those shortcomings. I'll try to be a lot more specific and concrete when I explain that The Flat Earth Society craves more power. I say we should give it more power -- preferably, 10,000 volts of it. The Flat Earth Society may have the right to destroy the values, methods, and goals of traditional humanistic study. It may have the right to make all of us pay for its boondoggles. But The Flat Earth Society crosses the line when it uses its bully pulpit to extinguish the voices of opposition. My eventual goal for this letter is to take a proactive, rather than a reactive, stance. I'm counting on you for your support.

[zeo-mare]

i have been saying the same thing for years

My complaint about Robotech.com

I am not writing to agree or disagree with Robotech.com. What I have to say, however, regards Robotech.com's conscious decision to use mass organization as a system of integration and control. Before examining the present situation, however, it is important that I find the common ground that enables others to build a new understanding that can transport us to tomorrow. Robotech.com's secret police assume that because they look a certain way or come from a certain background, they have an inalienable right to mock, ridicule, deprecate, and objurgate people for their religious beliefs. Interestingly, Robotech.com doesn't seem to care about that. Robotech.com divides the organization of its cankered assertions into two halves that, apparently separate from one another, in truth, form an inseparable whole. The first half seeks to concoct labels for people, objects, and behaviors in order to manipulate the public's opinion of them, while the second half is yet another violent blend of petty ageism and bad-tempered academicism. Robotech.com maintains control over its advocates using intense peer pressure, manipulation of their guilt feelings, attacks on their sexuality, and fear, don't you think?

Despite what Robotech.com says, it is not a responsible citizen. Responsible citizens reach the broadest possible audience with the message that Robotech.com operates on the basis of an unremitting hatred of civility and decency. Responsible citizens decidedly do not create profound emotional distress for people on both sides of the issue. If we remove the misunderstanding that Robotech.com has created in the minds of myriad people throughout the world, then the sea of commercialism, on which Robotech.com so heavily relies, will begin to dry up. By now, the reader has discerned that Robotech.com lives in a world of privileged emotion devoid of any connectable empirical dots. So let me just add that it has been trying for some time to sell the public on a blackguardism-based government. Robotech.com's sales pitch proceeds both pragmatically and emotionally. The pragmatic argument: A totalitarian dictatorship is the best form of government we could possibly have. The emotional argument: Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do. As you can see, neither argument is valid, which should indicate to you that if we don't remove the Robotech.com threat now, it will bite us in our backside one of these days. I hope I haven't bored you by writing an entire letter about Robotech.com. Still, this letter was the best way to explain to you that I must blo

w my whistle on Robotech.com's tactics of deception and distortion.

[myk]

Myk says that mediocrity is a worthwhile goal. The inference is that the kids on the playground are happy to surrender to the school bully. I'm happy to report that I can't follow that logic. I am deliberately using colorful language in this letter. I am deliberately using provocative phrases that I hope will stick in the minds of my readers. I do ensure, however, that my words are always appropriate and accurate and clearly explain how the point at which you discover that this is no laughing matter is not only a moment of disenchantment. It is a moment of resolve, a determination that I am not fooled by his viperine and eristic rhetoric. I therefore gladly accept the responsibility of notifying others that Myk seems to have recently added the word "thyroparathyroidectomize" to his otherwise simplistic vocabulary. I suppose he intends to use big words like that to obscure the fact that the time is always right to do what is right. That's why we must really foster mutual understanding. The first step in that process is to realize that his threats do not represent progress. They represent insanity masquerading as progress. I don't want to build castles in the air. I don't want to plan things that I can't yet implement. But I do want to think outside the box because doing so clearly demonstrates how he uses big words like "hydrometallurgically" to make himself sound important. For that matter, benevolent Nature has equipped another puny creature, the skunk, with a means of making itself seem important, too. Although Myk's writings may reek like a skunk, you don't have to say anything specifically about Myk for him to start attacking you. All you have to do is dare to imply that we should begin the debate about his epithets. I would like to go on, but I do have to keep this letter short. So I'll wrap it up by saying that Mr. Myk R Sanchez will simply continue to cause distress to people he doesn't know, has never seen, and who have done him no harm whatsoever.

-Myk, you bastard...

[Sdf-1]

My complaint about Zentraedi

On behalf of several members of the community, I would like to express my shock and disappointment at some of Zentraedi's notions. One of the first facts we should face is that it has been said that treasonous denominationalism is Zentraedi's quiddity. I believe that to be true. I also believe that I want nothing more -- or less -- than to get my message about Zentraedi out to the world. To that task I have consecrated my life, and I invite you to do likewise. To say otherwise would be sententious. Zentraedi's premise (that it should waffle on all the issues because "it's the right thing to do") is its morality disguised as pretended neutrality. Zentraedi uses this disguised morality to support its views, thereby making its argument self-refuting. Now that you've read this letter, let me challenge you, the reader, not just to help me detail the specific steps and objectives needed to thwart Zentraedi's maladroit little schemes, but also to educate others about what I've written.

[Project Phoenix]

Here is my take.

Why is it that some people are so devoid of a sense of humor? Naturally, I'm referring to Mr. Carl Macek's latest expositions. The points I plan to make in this letter will sound tediously familiar to everyone who wants to upbraid Mr. Macek for being so prissy. Nevertheless, his reason is not true reason. It does not seek the truth, but only abusive answers, churlish resolutions to conflicts. He has it all wrong; he says that our unalienable rights are merely privileges that he can dole out or retract. I've seen more plausible things scrawled on the bathroom walls in elementary schools. Even by Mr. Macek's own account, I want to unify our community. Mr. Macek, in contrast, wants to drive divisive ideological wedges through it.

I really don't know what Mr. Macek's problem is, but he doesn't want us to know about his plans to provide effete, illiberal knuckleheads with a milieu in which they can reduce human beings to the status of domestic animals. Otherwise, we might do something about that. To most people, the idea that Mr. Macek's supercilious indiscretions induce paralysis of the cerebrum is so endemic, so long ingrained, that when others conclude that I've catalogued all of his foibles -- and the list is pretty big -- this merely seems to be affirming an obvious truth. Mr. Macek prefers defamation to dialogue. Let's remember that.

Even with the increasing number of macabre dweebs, Mr. Macek seems to assume that there should be publicly financed centers of sesquipedalianism. This is an assumption of the worst kind because if he could have one wish, he'd wish for the ability to transform our little community into a global crucible of terror and gore. Then, people the world over would be too terrified to acknowledge that it's easy to tell if Mr. Macek's lying. If his lips are moving, he's lying. Before Mr. Macek spews any more psychoanalytical drivel, let me assure him that the police should lock him up and throw away the key. I'll stand by that controversial statement and even assume that most readers who bring their own real-life experience will agree with it. At a bare minimum, when Mr. Macek tells us that clever one-liners are a valid substitute for actual thinking, he somehow fails to mention that his bedfellows have cooperated closely with putrid, pea-brained publishers of hate literature on several projects. He fails to mention that I, hardheaded cynic that I am, am tired of listening to his unconscionable bilge. And he fails to mention that his suggestions are built on lies and they depend on make-believe for their continuation. I'd like to finish with a quote from a private e-mail message sent to me by a close friend of mine: "We are becoming a nation of pudibund, combative sciolists".

[Zentrandude]

My complaint about Zentraedi

On behalf of several members of the community, I would like to express my shock and disappointment at some of Zentraedi's notions. One of the first facts we should face is that it has been said that treasonous denominationalism is Zentraedi's quiddity. I believe that to be true. I also believe that I want nothing more -- or less -- than to get my message about Zentraedi out to the world. To that task I have consecrated my life, and I invite you to do likewise. To say otherwise would be sententious. Zentraedi's premise (that it should waffle on all the issues because "it's the right thing to do") is its morality disguised as pretended neutrality. Zentraedi uses this disguised morality to support its views, thereby making its argument self-refuting. Now that you've read this letter, let me challenge you, the reader, not just to help me detail the specific steps and objectives needed to thwart Zentraedi's maladroit little schemes, but also to educate others about what I've written.

379851[/snapback]

Its on now.

I am really at a loss for what to say in this letter, other than to convey my shock. It is worth noting at the outset that Mr. Sdf-1 has stated that obscurity, evasiveness, incomprehensibility, indirectness, and ambiguity are marks of depth and brilliance. That's just pure jujuism. Well, in Sdf-1's case, it might be pure ignorance, seeing that Sdf-1 will probably never understand why he scares me so much. And he does scare me: His treatises are scary, his theories are scary, and most of all, he truly believes that "metanarratives" are the root of tyranny, lawlessness, overpopulation, racial hatred, world hunger, disease, and rank stupidity. I hope you realize that that's just a crazy pipe dream from an intrusive pipe, and that in the real world, on theoretical grounds alone, Sdf-1's statements are so filled with errors that I feel some futility in replying to them. I could write pages on the subject, but the following should suffice. If you looked up "headstrong" in the dictionary, you'd probably see Sdf-1's picture. Listen carefully: Sdf-1's goal is to pooh-pooh the reams of solid evidence pointing to the existence and operation of a ridiculous coterie of cannibalism. This is abject snobbism! We must indubitably exercise all of our basic rights to the maximum. Does that sound extremist? Is it too sullen for you? I'm sorry if it seems that way, but that's life.

Sdf-1, do you feel no shame for what you've done? Regardless of the theoretical beauty of the notion that our situation is snowballing, there is the opposing fact that his claim that his myopic faction is a benign and charitable agency is not only an attack on the concept of objectivity, but an assault on the human mind. Anyway, the consequence of all this is that on several occasions I have heard him state that stolid delinquents are all inherently good, sensitive, creative, and inoffensive. I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a comment. What I consider far more important, though, is that those of us who are still sane, those of us who still have a firm grip on reality, those of us who still suspect that the communicative efficacy of Sdf-1's connection with headlong, scurrilous dummkopfs will cause raucous misogynists to make life less pleasant for us in the coming days, have an obligation to do more than just observe what Sdf-1 is doing from a safe distance. We have an obligation to defend with dedication and ferocity the very rights that Sdf-1 so desperately wants to abolish. We have an obligation to take steps against the whole sinful brotherhood of perfidious fruitcakes. And we have an obligation to make an impartial and well-informed evaluation of the advantages and disadvantages of his ideas.

I have a T-shirt emblazoned with the following inscription: "The popularity of Sdf-1's disquisitions among abysmal, unrealistic deviants is a harbinger of craven things to come." I like to wear that T-shirt to make a point about how this is a free country, and I insist we ought to keep it that way. Sdf-1 thrives on the victimization of others. That should serve as the final, ultimate, irrefutable proof that I frequently wish to tell him that those who believe that at birth, every living being is assigned a celestial serial number or frequency power spectrum are either naive or deliberately misled. But being a generally genteel person, however, I always bite my tongue. When I was little, my father would sometimes pick me up, put me on his knee, and say "Everything Sdf-1 writes is unreadably desultory." I once had a nightmare in which he was free to sell quack pharmaceutical supplies (and you should be suspicious whenever you hear such tell-tale words and phrases as "breakthrough", "miracle", "secret remedy", "exclusive", and "clinical studies prove that..."). When I awoke, I realized that this nightmare was frighteningly close to reality. For instance, it is the case both in my nightmare and in reality that Sdf-1's helots believe that Sdf-1 has answers to everything. It should not be surprising that they believe this, however. As we all know, minds that have been so maimed that they believe that Sdf-1 does the things he does "for the children" can believe anything, especially if it's false. In the beginning of this letter, I promised you details, but now I'm running out of space. So here's one detail to end with: Mr. Sdf-1's lickspittles have shared the rostrum with what I call uneducated mouthpieces for primitive ageism at recent symposia.

[Lightning]

myk should get a laugh out of this one:

This letter may seem a bit long but Mr. Tevor Creed's gormless prognoses cannot be adequately described in less than a long essay. Although my approach may appear a bit pedantic, by setting some generative point of view against a structural-taxonomical point of view or vice versa, I intend to argue that some people don't seem to mind that Creed likes to take us all on an utterly reckless ride into the unknown. What an unctuous world we live in! My goal is to go placidly amid the noise and haste. I might not be successful at achieving that goal, but I certainly do have to try. I may not be perfect, but at least I'm not afraid to say that Creed uses the very intellectual tools he criticizes, namely consequentialist arguments rather than arguments about truth or falsity.

To state it in stark and simple terms, someone just showed me a memo supposedly written by Creed. The memo spells out his plans to dilute the nation's sense of common purpose and shared sacrifice. If this memo is authentic, it tells us that Creed's favorite buzzword these days is "crisis". He likes to tell us that we have a crisis on our hands. He then argues that the only reasonable approach to combat this crisis is for him to create an ideological climate that will enable him to reduce history to an overdetermined, wireframe sketch of what are, in reality, complex, dynamic events. In my opinion, the real crisis is the dearth of people who understand that there's something severely wrong with this picture. And let me tell you, Creed has warned us that faster than you can say "noninterventionalist", otiose Machiavellians will violate all the rules of decorum. If you think about it, you'll realize that Creed's warning is a self-fulfilling prophecy in the sense that if you were to try to tell Creed's bedfellows that he is blinded by greed, they'd close their eyes and put their hands over their ears. They are, as the psychologists say, in denial. They don't want to hear that there have been reports of rampant drunkenness, performances by strippers, public nudity, and other licentious and money-grubbing behavior at every gathering of Creed's shills. Or, to express that sentiment without all of the emotionally charged lingo, I hate it when people get their facts thoroughly wrong. For instance, whenever I hear some corporate fat cat make noises about how diseases can be defeated not through standard medical research but through the creation of a new language, one that does not stigmatize certain groups and behaviors, I can't help but think that Creed can get away with lies (e.g., that an open party with unlimited access to alcohol can't possibly outgrow the host's ability to manage the crowd) because the average person cannot imagine anyone lying so brazenly. Not one person in a hundred will actually check out the facts for himself and discover that Creed is lying. I do not find hatchet jobs that are prudish, disorderly, and batty to be "funny". Maybe I lack a sense of humor, but maybe Creed's allies think that "Creed is known for his sound judgment, unerring foresight, and sagacious adaptation of means to ends." First off, that's a lousy sentence. If they had written that conventional wisdom states that wanting to produce precisely the alienation and conflict needed to support international crime while purporting to oppose it without any of the obvious repercussions is like wanting a one-sided coin, then that quote would have had more validity. As it stands, if Creed had even a shred of intellectual integrity, he'd admit that he has been trying for some time to sell the public on a Marxism-based government. Creed's sales pitch proceeds both pragmatically and emotionally. The pragmatic argument: Everything he says is entirely and completely true. The emotional argument: Doing the fashionable thing is more important than life or liberty. As you can see, neither argument is valid, which should indicate to you that what we're involved in with him is not a game. It's the most serious possible business, and every serious person -- every person with any shred of a sense of responsibility -- must concern himself with it. Everybody is probably familiar with the cliche that by opting for the easy, short-term, feel-good path, Creed will anesthetize the human spirit by next weekend. Well, there's a lot of truth in that cliche. I don't believe that the media should "create" news rather than report it. So when Creed says that that's what I believe, I see how little he understands my position.

I have a New Year's resolution for Creed: He should pick up a book before he jumps to the rebarbative conclusion that a richly evocative description of a problem automatically implies the correct solution to that problem. We must avoid the extremes of a pessimistic naturalism and an optimistic humanism by combining the truths of both. If we don't, future generations will not know freedom. Instead, they will know fear; they will know sadness; they will know injustice, poverty, and grinding despair. Most of all, they will realize, albeit far too late, that if Creed gets his way, I might very well go crazy. You see, his remonstrations do not represent progress. They represent insanity masquerading as progress. I think I've dished it out to Mr. Tevor Creed as best as I can in this letter. I hope you now understand why I say that Creed draws his outrageous conclusions from arbitrary statistics.

[Sdf-1]

Its on now. 

379976[/snapback]

This means...SPACE WAR 1!

I am writing this letter in simple English in order that everyone can read and understand my words. Let me start by stressing that I am not attempting to suppress anyone's opinions, nor do I intend to demean Zentrandude personally for his beliefs or worldviews. But I do aver that I must give our young people the values that will inspire them to guide the world into an age of peace, justice, and solidarity. Griping about Zentrandude will not make him stop trying to con us into believing that he is forward-looking, open-minded, and creative. But even if it did, he would just find some other way to enslave us, suppress our freedom, regiment our lives, confiscate our property, and dictate our values. I challenge all of the unbalanced, power-drunk quidnuncs out there to consider this: The purpose of this letter is far greater than to prove to you how soulless and inerudite he has become. The purpose of this letter is to get you to start thinking for yourself, to start thinking about how he says that he is entitled to blitz media outlets with faxes and newsletters that highlight the good points of his polyloquent blanket statements. This is at best wrong. At worst, it is a lie.

Is anyone else out there as struck as I am by Zentrandude's utter disregard for morality and humanity? The reason I ask is that it is not uncommon for Zentrandude to victimize the innocent, penalize the victim for making any effort to defend himself, and then paint the whole yellow-bellied affair as some great benefit to humanity. Did it ever occur to him that maybe the idea of letting him feed us a diet of robbery, murder, violence, and all other manner of trials and tribulations is, in itself, mudslinging? Dream on. What if we collectively just told his peons, "Sure, go ahead and palm off our present situation as the compelling ground for worldwide imperialism. Have fun!"? That would be worse than pathological; it would bombard me with insults.

I want to delegitimize Zentrandude. That may seem simple enough, but we have a dilemma of leviathan proportions on our hands: Should we strike at the heart of Zentrandude's efforts to organize a whispering campaign against me, or is it sufficient to drive off and disperse the warped turncoats who exploit the masses? I'll tell you the answer in a moment. But first, let me just say that I could go on for pages listing innumerable examples of Zentrandude's illiterate metanarratives and predaceous fairy tales. I have already written enough, surely, to convince you that someone once said to me, "I will not stand by and let anyone twist my words or change my position in order to serve some capricious political strategy." This phrase struck me so forcefully that I have often used it since. I am, of course, referring to a recent occurrence which is so well-known, it requires no comment, except to add that you may be worried that Zentrandude will provide silly, indelicate prigs with an irresistible temptation to convert houses of worship into houses of obstructionism before the year is over. If so, then I share your misgivings. But let's not worry about that now. Instead, let's discuss my observation that Zentrandude does not merely call for a return to that which wasn't particularly good in the first place. He does so consciously, deliberately, willfully, and methodically. Finally, if this letter generates a response from someone of opposing viewpoints, I would hope that the author(s) concentrate on offering objections to my ideas while refraining from attacks on my person or my intelligence. I've gotten enough of that already from Zentrandude.

I wonder when this will be locked...

[Zentrandude]

I hope this gets pinned, its so cool.

10 paragraph bomb for the UN Spacy

I was outraged and ashamed after hearing about some of UN Spacy's latest expedients. In the text that follows, when I quote from UN Spacy, I will use the word "excrement" in place of another word which is now apparently permitted in general circulation publications and which I have edited out. I am on an important mission to cast a gimlet eye on UN Spacy's put-downs. If I don't accomplish that mission, UN Spacy's plans to brandish the word "superultrafrostified" (as it is commonly spelled) to hoodwink people into believing that profits come before people could well succeed. My next point of order is that UN Spacy attracts revolting numskulls to its terrorist organization by telling them that its vices are the only true virtues. I suppose the people to whom it tells such things just want to believe lies that make them feel intellectually and spiritually superior to others. Whether or not that's the case, I'm at loggerheads with UN Spacy on at least one important issue. Namely, it argues that coercion in the name of liberty is a valid use of state power. I take the opposite position, that one can consecrate one's life to the service of a noble idea or a glorious ideology. UN Spacy, however, is more likely to silence any criticism of the brainwashing and double standards that it has increasingly been practicing.

I don't mean to condemn anyone's beliefs, but UN Spacy is not as hopeless or addlepated as you might think. It's more so. UN Spacy flaunts its personal methods of interpretation and attitudes in front of everyone else, and I'm not making that up! UN Spacy has lost sight of the lessons of history. It's a pity. I apologize if the following points are hard to follow but they're quite relevant to the gist of my argument. First, I urge you to join me in my quest to fight the worst types of whiney scofflaws there are. And second, UN Spacy reminds me of the thief who cries "Stop, thief!" to distract attention from his thievery. All of this means, of course, that we must work together to preserve the peace. What can you do to help? For starters, you might want to issue a call to conscience and reason. I personally derive great satisfaction in doing that sort of thing because UN Spacy seems to assume that the most valuable skill one can have is to be able to lie convincingly. This is an assumption of the worst kind because our national media is controlled by rancorous incubi. That's why you probably haven't heard that inasmuch as I disagree with UN Spacy's accusations and find its ad hominem attacks offensive, I am happy to meet UN Spacy's speech with more speech and, if necessary, continue this discussion until the truth shines.

UN Spacy has vanity without pride, voluptuousness without taste, and learning without wisdom, and every intellectually honest person knows it. Whether or not you realize this, UN Spacy, perhaps more than anyone, should take seriously the challenge to carry out this matter to the full extent of the law. End of story. Actually, I should add that I no longer believe that trends like family breakdown, promiscuity, and violence are random events. Not only are they explicitly glorified and promoted by UN Spacy's wrongheaded statements, but I want my life to count. I want to be part of something significant and lasting. I want to acknowledge that UN Spacy drools at the thought of swilling port and sherry at taxpayer expense. In a recent essay, UN Spacy stated that mercantalism is a noble goal. Since the arguments it made in the rest of its essay are based in part on that assumption, it should be aware that it just isn't true. Not only that, but it doesn't do us much good to become angry and wave our arms and shout about the evils of its anecdotes in general terms. If we want other people to agree with us and join forces with us, then we must shed a little light on some of the ignorant prejudices that reside within its pea-sized brain. It's easy enough to hate UN Spacy any day of the week on general principles. But now I'll tell you about some very specific things that UN Spacy is up to, things that ought to make a real UN Spacy-hater out of you. First off, it says that everyone would be a lot safer if it were to monitor all of our personal communications and financial transactions -- even our library records. Why on Earth does it need to monitor our library records? As you no doubt realize, that's a particulary timely question. In fact, just half an hour ago, I heard someone express the opinion that UN Spacy has been deluding people into believing that the ancient Egyptians used psychic powers to build the pyramids. Don't let it delude you, too. By the same token, I am troubled by UN Spacy's constant exaggerations and half-truths. Once we realize that, what do we do? The appropriate thing, in my judgment, is to wake people out of their stupor and call on them to weed out organizations like UN Spacy that have deceived, betrayed, and exploited us. I say that because it uses people and destroys lives without compunction. That shouldn't surprise you when you consider that it wants all of us to believe that it answers to no one. That's why it sponsors brainwashing in the schools, brainwashing by the government, brainwashing statements made to us by politicians, entertainers, and sports stars, and brainwashing by the big advertisers and the news media.

Whereas UN Spacy claims that its harangues prevent smallpox, I claim that whenever it announces that it defends the real needs of the working class, its trucklers applaud on cue and the accolades are long and ostentatious. What's funny is that they don't provide similar feedback whenever I tell them that UN Spacy's stances are not pedantic treatises expressing theories or extravaganzas dealing in fables or fancies. They are substantial, sober outpourings from the very soul of narcissism. Plan to join UN Spacy's camp? Be sure to check your conscience at the door. Individually, UN Spacy's ideologies reduce human beings and many other living organisms to engineered products and mere cogs in the social machine. But linked together, UN Spacy's wheelings and dealings could prevent us from recognizing the vast and incomparable achievements, contributions, and discoveries that are the product of our culture.

All in all, you might have heard the story that UN Spacy once agreed to help us offer a framework for discussion so that we can more quickly reach a consensus. No one has located the document in which UN Spacy said that. No one has identified when or where UN Spacy said that. That's because it never said it. As you might have suspected, UN Spacy has spent untold hours trying to leach integrity and honor from our souls. During that time, did it ever once occur to it that colonialism has nothing to do with clericalism? As you ponder the answer to that question, consider that mass anxiety is the equivalent of steroids for it. If we feel helpless, UN Spacy is energized and ramps up its efforts to instill a general ennui. To inform you of the grounds upon which I base my perversions, I offer the following. Many people are shocked when I tell them that the costs of UN Spacy's self-fulfilling prophecies outweigh their benefits. And I'm shocked that so many people are shocked. You see, I had thought everybody already knew that some people think I'm exaggerating when I say that we must halt the destructive process that is carrying our civilization toward extinction if we are to build an inclusive, nondiscriminatory movement for social and political change. But I'm not exaggerating; if anything, I'm understating the situation. When UN Spacy was first found trying to progressively narrow the sphere of human freedom, I was scared. I was scared not only for my personal safety; I was scared for the people I love. And now that UN Spacy is planning to lead a paltry jihad against those who oppose it, I'm terrified.

(The merits of UN Spacy's teachings won't be discussed here, because they lack merit.) UN Spacy's principles are a ticking time bomb, set to seek temporary tactical alliances with querulous quidnuncs in order to spew forth ignorance and prejudice, and hence, by extension, UN Spacy's fantasy is to redefine unbridled self-indulgence as a virtue, as the ultimate test of personal freedom. It dreams of a world that grants it such a freedom with no strings attached. Welcome to the world of unilateralism! In that nightmare world it has long since been forgotten that I'm willing to accept that like a vindictive rapscallion, UN Spacy will really work both sides of the political fence. I'm even willing to accept that the most overbearing enemies of the people you'll ever see are burdened with the preconceived ideas or feeble understanding of the circles to which they previously belonged, both politically and philosophically. But there is an unpleasant fact, painful to the tender-minded, that one can deduce from the laws of nature. This fact is also conclusively established by direct observation. It is a fact so obvious that rational people have always known it and no one doubted it until UN Spacy and its backers started trying to deny it. The fact to which I am referring states that if UN Spacy got its way, it'd be able to lead us, lemminglike, over the precipice of self-destruction. Brrrr! It sends chills down my spine just thinking about that. Although UN Spacy was likely following the dictates of its conscience when it decided to get on my nerves, the fact remains that I sometimes ask myself whether the struggle to express my views is worth all of the potential consequences. And I consistently answer by saying that its power is built on lies. Of that I am certain, because the majority of nefarious exhibitionists probably agree that it cannot be reformed. Still, I recommend you check out some of its imprecations and draw your own conclusions on the matter.

Our problem -- and make no mistake about it, it is a severe predicament -- is that we currently lack the resources needed to investigate UN Spacy's moonstruck principles, ideals, and objectives. And here, I maintain, lies a clue to the intellectual vacuum so gapingly apparent in UN Spacy's doctrines. Whether you call it "careerism", "despotism", or "fetishism", it is alive and well in UN Spacy's adages. It's what convinced me that when it comes to UN Spacy's perceptions, I, speaking as someone who is not a biased, sordid skinflint, doubtlessly aver that we have drifted along for too long in a state of blissful denial and outright complacency. It's time to expose injustice and puncture prejudice. The sooner we do that, the better, because the space remaining in this letter will not suffice even to enumerate the ways in which UN Spacy has tried to make bargains with the devil.

I see how important UN Spacy's unruly, snotty hypnopompic insights are to its gofers and I laugh. I laugh because if we don't remove the UN Spacy threat now, it will bite us in our backside within a short period of time. Forgive me for boring you with all the gory details, but I believe in "live and let live". UN Spacy, in contrast, demands not only tolerance and acceptance of its publications but endorsement of them. It's because of such manipulative demands that I feel that it uses big words like "saccharomucilaginous" to make itself sound important. For that matter, benevolent Nature has equipped another puny creature, the skunk, with a means of making itself seem important, too. Although UN Spacy's dissertations may reek like a skunk, my position is that UN Spacy stands out as the ruler of Planet Obnoxious. It, in contrast, argues that its commentaries are a breath of fresh air amid our modern culture's toxic cloud of chaos. This disagreement merely scratches the surface of the ideological chasm festering between me and UN Spacy. The only rational way to bridge this chasm is for it to admit that one of its favorite tricks is to create a problem and then to offer the solution. Naturally, it's always its solutions that grant it the freedom to help vengeful, sinful proponents of vandalism back up their prejudices with "scientific" proof, never the original problem. There is a problem here. A very large, short-sighted, quixotic problem. If you want a better opportunity to get a job, raise a family in a safe neighborhood, have a better chance at a good education, and lower the taxes on the money you earn, then I ask that you help me empower the oppressed to control their own lives.

Unfortunately, the English language contains so few words of reprobation and invective that I cannot satisfactorily describe UN Spacy's self-absorbed, despicable asseverations. At least our language's lexicon is sufficiently voluminous for me to explain that this is the precondition for my crusade against cranky statism. UN Spacy may mean well but I admit I have a tendency to become a bit insensitive whenever I rebuke it for trying to create a system of propagandism characterized by confidential files, closed courts, gag orders, and statutory immunity. While I am desirous of mending this tiny personality flaw, I've never bothered UN Spacy. Yet UN Spacy wants to violate strongly held principles regarding deferral of current satisfaction for long-term gains. Whatever happened to "live and let live"? To lay the foundation for some serious mischief is UN Spacy's objective, and frightful neopaganism is its method.

Almost every day, UN Spacy outreaches itself in setting new records for arrogance, deceit, and greed. It's unequivocally breathtaking to watch it. Is there a way to counter UN Spacy's self-indulgent, pathological scare tactics? Oh yes, there is a way. It's really quite simple and can be done by any individual. It doesn't cost a thing, monetarily. It requires only time, diligence, and a desire to search for solutions that are more creative and constructive than the typically capricious ones championed by mawkish politicasters. And there you have it. The cardinal rule of UN Spacy's squibs is that tasteless Lysenkoism is the only thing that matters.

Edited March 14, 2006 by Zentrandude

[yellowlightman]

Goddamn, this thread is totally worthwhile.

I'm glad everyone posted all that hilarious internet joke text because I totally read all of it.

[KingNor]

it is kind of funny, but i get as much out of 1 paragraph as i need from this thing

[Wes]

tl:dr

[memnon]

Finally I can vent!

In this letter, I want to skip the usual preaching, moralizing, and pontificating and go straight to the facts. With this letter, I hope to provide some balance to Clash of the Bionoids's one-sided précis. But first, I would like to make the following introductory remark: It has been said that I am fed up to the back teeth with Clash of the Bionoids's deplorable put-downs. I believe that to be true. I also believe that I stand by what I've written before, that we find among narrow and uneducated minds the belief that science is merely a tool invented by the current elite to maintain power. This belief is due to a basic confusion, which can be cleared up simply by stating that for Clash of the Bionoids's recalcitrant plans to succeed, it needs to "dumb down" our society. An uninformed populace is easier to control and manipulate than an educated populace. In the immediate years ahead, schoolchildren will stop being required to learn the meanings of words like "undemonstrativeness" and "intercrystallization". They will be incapable of comprehending that a central fault line runs through each of Clash of the Bionoids's offhand remarks. Specifically, I'm not a longiloquent person. I'd like nothing more than to extend my hand in friendship to Clash of the Bionoids's functionaries and convey my hope that in the days to come we can work together to change the world for the better. Unfortunately, knowing them, they'd rather interfere with a person's work performance, bodily security, physical movement, and privacy rights because that's what Clash of the Bionoids wants. If Clash of the Bionoids's thinking were cerebral rather than glandular, it wouldn't consider it such a good idea to intensify or perpetuate clericalism. Clash of the Bionoids's unstable fibs really raise my blood pressure. Not that I've come to expect any better from Clash of the Bionoids. Should this be discussed in school? You bet. That's the function of education: To teach students how to reinforce what is best in people.

In effect, if you are not smart enough to realize this, then you become the victim of your own ignorance. It would be good for the press to start paying attention to things like this. That said, let me continue. The facts are, succinctly, these: First, this view dangerously underestimates the malicious quality of absenteeism. Second, if it truly wanted to be helpful, Clash of the Bionoids wouldn't purge the land of every non-impetuous person, gene, idea, and influence. The end.

[Mercurial Morpheus]

My complaint about AD Vision

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm the founder of the Anti-AD Vision Society. In this letter, I will tell you what made me form such an organization and how I plan to use it to help you reflect and reexamine your views on AD Vision. Here's a quick review: If you think that an open party with unlimited access to alcohol can't possibly outgrow the host's ability to manage the crowd, then you're suffering from very serious nearsightedness. You're focusing too much on what AD Vision wants you to see and failing to observe many other things of much greater importance, such as that it's not the boogeyman that our children need to worry about. It's AD Vision. Not only is AD Vision more snappish and more grotty than any envisaged boogeyman or bugbear, but AD Vision's thesis is that "metanarratives" are the root of tyranny, lawlessness, overpopulation, racial hatred, world hunger, disease, and rank stupidity. That's absolutely inarticulate, you say? Good; that means you're finally catching on. The next step is to observe that if AD Vision continues to trivialize certain events that are particularly special to us all, crime will escalate as schools deteriorate, corruption increases, and quality of life plummets.

AD Vision is currently limited to shrieking and spitting when it's confronted with inconvenient facts. Any day now, however, AD Vision is likely to switch to some sort of "dissolve the bonds that join individuals to their natural communities" approach to draw our attention away from such facts. AD Vision's ploys are built on lies and they depend on make-believe for their continuation. AD Vision insists that Jacobinism is a viable and vital objective for our nation's educational institutions. This fraud, this lie, is just one among the thousands they perpetrates.

AD Vision's prank phone calls celebrate deception, diversion, and fashion. I know because I have experienced that personally. No matter what else we do, our first move must be to educate everyone about how AD Vision is incapable of rational thought about the real world. That's the first step: education. Education alone is not enough, of course. We must also protect our peace, privacy, and safety. In short, AD Vision runs at the first sign of trouble.

[uminoken]

In this letter, I will do my best to make my arguments against Mr. Uwe Boll clear and articulate. I plan to utilize numerous examples and maybe even some occasional humor so as not to strain your patience as I delve into immense detail about how Mr. Boll is a big fan of interrogation and torture. Before I say anything else, let me remind Mr. Boll that he contends that divine ichor flows through his veins and that, therefore, his mistakes are always someone else's fault. This bizarre pattern of thinking leads to strange conclusions. For example, it convinces feral know-nothings (as distinct from the pompous, sanctimonious galoots who prefer to chirrup while hopping from cloud to cloud in Nephelococcygia) that we can stop exhibitionism merely by permitting government officials entrée into private homes to search for crude nutters. In reality, contrariwise, the biggest difference between me and Mr. Boll is that Mr. Boll wants to set the hoops through which we all must jump. I, on the other hand, want to step back and consider the problem of his ruses in the larger picture of popular culture imagery. There are some simple truths in this world. First, he should pay for his mistakes. Second, he struts like a god on Mount Olympus, looking down on us mortals below. And finally, his behavior might be different if he were told that I like to throw darts at Mr. Boll's picture. Of course, as far as he's concerned, this fact will fall into the category of, "My mind is made up; don't confuse me with the facts." That's why I'm telling you that I want to straighten out Mr. Boll's thinking. But first, let me pose an abstract question. Is Mr. Boll's incessant burbling about the wonders of cameralism supposed to convince us that the health effects of secondhand smoke are negligible? If you need help in answering that question, you may note that if we don't soon tell him to stop what he's doing, he will proceed with his rude, insensate suggestions, considerably emboldened by our lack of resistance. We will have tacitly given him our permission to do so.

Try as I may, I can't understand why Mr. Boll would want to revive the ruinous excess of a bygone era to bounce and blow amidst the ruinous excess of the present era. I am hurt, furious, and embarrassed. Why am I hurt? Because his philippics are part of a larger attack on the very notion of meritocracy and quality. That's pretty transparent. What's not so transparent is the answer to the following question: Will the world ever be free of postmodernist scroungers like him? A clue might be that he likes to brag about how the members of his coalition are ideologically diverse. Perhaps that means that some of them prefer Stalin over Hitler. In any case, if my own experience has taught me anything, it's that Mr. Boll should clarify his point so people like you and me can tell what the heck he's talking about. Without clarification, Mr. Boll's prognoses sound lofty and include some emotionally charged words but don't really seem to make any sense. Why am I furious? Because while Mr. Boll insists that going through the motions of working is the same as working, reality dictates otherwise. Actually, if you want a real dose of reality, look at how Mr. Boll's protests are continually evolving into more and more insidious incarnations. Here, I'm not just talking about evolution in a simply Darwinist sense; I'm also talking about how it is immature and stupid of Mr. Boll to support those for whom hatred has become a way of life. It would be mature and intelligent, however, to act against injustice, whether it concerns drunk driving, domestic violence, or even priggism, and that's why I say that his reason is not true reason. It does not seek the truth, but only rancorous answers, snarky resolutions to conflicts. And why am I embarrassed? Because Mr. Boll ignores the most basic ground rule of debate. In case you're not familiar with it, that rule is: attack the idea, not the person. In the end, Mr. Uwe Boll justifies his thievery by saying things like, "It's for the good of society".

[Apollo Leader]

hit this one dead on.  

My complaint about Harmony Gold

While you're probably sick of hearing about Harmony Gold, it is crucial that you read this letter. Read on, gentle reader, and hear what I have to say. Harmony Gold exhibits bad sportsmanship. That's clear. But Harmony Gold's put-downs have caused widespread social alienation, and from this alienation a thousand social pathologies have sprung. When I was a child, my clergyman told me, "Ignorance of the law does not excuse Harmony Gold from the consequences of violating it." If you think about it you'll see his point. My current plan is to get the facts out in the hope that somebody will do something to solve the problem. Yes, it will draw upon the most powerful fires of Hell to tear that plan asunder, but when you tell Harmony Gold's provocateurs that Harmony Gold's maneuvers will send us to hell in a handbasket before you know it, they begin to get fidgety, and their eyes begin to wander. They really don't care. They have no interest in hearing that one does not have to reconstitute society on the basis of arrested development and envious malevolence in order to find more constructive contexts in which to work toward resolving conflicts. It is a nefarious person who believes otherwise.

If Harmony Gold had even a shred of intellectual integrity, it'd admit that its real enmity against us comes through in its utterances, which Harmony Gold uses to dismantle the guard rails that protect society from the self-centered elements in its midst. And I can say that with a clear conscience because you don't need to be a rocket scientist to detect the subtext of this letter. But just in case it's too subliminal for some, let me thrust it into your face right here: It wants us to feel sorry for the wayward, grotesque twerps who sweep its peccadillos under the rug. I think we should instead feel sorry for their victims, all of whom know full well that Harmony Gold says that its decisions are based on reason. That's a stupid thing to say. It's like saying that newspapers should report only on items it agrees with. One might maintain that only devious criminals are capable of imagining that no one is smart enough to see through Harmony Gold's transparent lies. While that's true, it does somewhat miss the point. You see, I don't know which are worse, right-wing tyrants or left-wing tyrants. But I do know that if I had my druthers, Harmony Gold would never have had the opportunity to violate the basic tenets of journalism and scholarship. As it stands, Harmony Gold is extremely impertinent. In fact, let's see what my Impertinent-O-Meter has to say about it. Whoa! The needle is off the scale! It's a good thing I checked, because Harmony Gold's trained seals contend that I'm too covinous to strip the unjust power from those who seek power over others and over nature. I say to them, "Prove it" -- not that they'll be able to, of course, but because the central paradox of Harmony Gold's ethics, the twist that makes Harmony Gold's positions so irresistible to the worst types of whiney, batty dopeheads I've ever seen, is that these people truly believe that Harmony Gold's sentiments can give us deeper insights into the nature of reality. Finally, any mistakes in this letter are strictly my fault. But if you find any factual error or have more updated information on the subject of Harmony Gold, Harmony Gold-inspired versions of recidivism, etc., please tell me, so I can write an even stronger letter next time.

379833[/snapback]

You beat me to it.

Here's my 3 paragraph version.

Apollo Leader's complaint against Harmony Gold

I have been meaning to write this letter for some time now and, in light of recent developments, I believe it is appropriate. To address this in a pedantic manner, in the rest of this letter, factual information will be prefaced as such and my own opinions will be clearly stated as opinions. For instance, it is a fact that whatever your age, you now have only one choice. That choice is between a democratic, peace-loving regime that, you hope, may discuss the relationship between three converging and ever-growing factions -- unconscionable, unpleasant lamebrains, unpatriotic, meretricious talebearers, and the most unrealistic dossers you'll ever see -- and, as the alternative, the disreputable and tactless dirigisme currently being forced upon us by Harmony Gold. Choose carefully, because it will not be easy to rage, rage against the dying of the light. Nevertheless, we must attempt to do exactly that, for the overriding reason that if it were to use more accessible language, then a larger number of people would be able to understand what it's saying. The downside for Harmony Gold, of course, is that a larger number of people would also understand that if it could have one wish, it'd wish for the ability to scorn and abjure reason. Then, people the world over would be too terrified to acknowledge that in my speaking engagements, I have found in audience questions an alarming increase in concern about smarmy franions. I could write pages on the subject, but the following should suffice. Harmony Gold ignores a breathtaking number of facts, most notably:

Fact: I find Harmony Gold the most juvenile organization in the world.

Fact: I've received appreciative notes from academic psychologists and students of culture who deplore the misapplication of their subjects by ideologues like Harmony Gold.

Fact: Things are apt to get worse before they get better.

In addition, Harmony Gold is extremely execrable. In fact, let's see what my Execrable-O-Meter has to say about it. Whoa! The needle is off the scale! It's a good thing I checked, because I am not up on the latest gossip. Still, I have heard people say that I suppose it's predictable, though terribly sad, that tyrannical clowns with stronger voices than minds would revert to manipulative behavior. But Harmony Gold's latest manifesto, like all the ones that preceded it, is a consummate anthology of disastrously bad writing teeming with misquotations and inaccuracies, an odyssey of anecdotes that are occasionally entertaining, but certainly not informative. One of the enduring effects of Harmony Gold's allegations is surely the way they will institutionalize antagonism through systematic violence, distorted religion, and dubious science. I'll give you an example of this, based on my own experience. As you know, Harmony Gold's legates believe that there is something intellectually provocative in the tired rehashing of pathological stereotypes. Although it is perhaps impossible to change the perspective of those who have such beliefs, I wish nevertheless to provide an antidote to contemporary manifestations of pudibund, lackadaisical fetishism. If I didn't sincerely believe that Harmony Gold is an expert at shameless name-dropping, then I wouldn't be writing this letter.

I see two problems with Harmony Gold's imprecations on a very fundamental level. First, it justifies its thievery by saying things like, "It's for the good of society". And second, it can't fool me. I've met sexist yokels before, so I know that if you think about it you'll see that Harmony Gold's conceited homilies are merely a distraction. They're just something to generate more op-ed pieces, more news conferences for media talking heads, and more punditry from people like me. Meanwhile, Harmony Gold's supporters are continuing their quiet work of advancing Harmony Gold's real goal, which is to deflect attention from its unwillingness to support policies that benefit the average citizen. Harmony Gold just reported that a totalitarian dictatorship is the best form of government we could possibly have. Do you think that that's merely sloppy reporting on Harmony Gold's part? I don't. I think that it's a deliberate attempt to sacrifice children on the twin altars of charlatanism and greed.

I guess I can't blame Harmony Gold for wanting to drag men out of their beds in the dead of night and castrate them. After all, my position is that its secret agents mistakenly associate "lengthy" with "accurate" when it comes to its accusations. Harmony Gold, in contrast, argues that diseases can be defeated not through standard medical research but through the creation of a new language, one that does not stigmatize certain groups and behaviors. This disagreement merely scratches the surface of the ideological chasm festering between me and Harmony Gold. The only rational way to bridge this chasm is for it to admit that if you're the type who dares to think for yourself, then you've probably already determined that it's unregenerate for it to produce a large number of absolutely soporific extravagancies, most merciless indecencies, and, above all, the most petty blasphemies against everything that I hold most sacred and most dear. Or perhaps I should say, it's snippy. It is high time for someone to get us out of the hammerlock that Harmony Gold is holding us in. Will that someone be you?