We're all going to die!

[Noriko Takaya]

I don't know if someone mentioned this humorous little story which was probably pulled from the tabloids, but since it is kind of related to science-fiction, I thought I'd post it for you all to enjoy.

PLANET-DISSOLVING DUST CLOUD IS HEADED TOWARD EARTH!

Monday September 12, 2005

By MIKE FOSTER

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. -- Scared-stiff astronomers have detected a mysterious mass they've dubbed a "chaos cloud" that dissolves everything in its path, including comets, asteroids, planets and entire stars -- and it's headed directly toward Earth!

Discovered April 6 by NASA's Chandra X-ray Observatory, the swirling, 10 million-mile- wide cosmic dust cloud has been likened to an "acid nebula" and is hurtling toward us at close to the speed of light -- making its estimated time of arrival 9:15 a.m. EDT on June 1, 2014.

"The good news is that this finding confirms several cutting- edge ideas in theoretical physics," announced Dr. Albert Sherwinski, a Cambridge based astrophysicist with close ties to NASA.

"The bad news is that the total annihilation of our solar system is imminent."

Experts believe the chaos cloud is composed of particles spawned near the event horizon of a black hole (a form of what's called Hawking Radiation) that have been distorted by mangled information spewed from the hole.

"A super-massive black hole lies about 28,000 light-years from Earth at the center of our galaxy," explained Dr. Sherwinski.

"Last year the eminent physicist Stephen Hawking revised his theory of black holes -- which previously held that nothing could escape the hole's powerful gravitational field. He demonstrated that information about objects that have been sucked in can be emitted in mangled form.

"It now appears that mangled information can distort matter.

"Just imagine our galaxy the Milky Way as a beautiful, handwritten letter.

"Now imagine pouring a glass of water on the paper and watching the words dissolve as the stain spreads. That's what the chaos cloud does to every star or planet it encounters."

To avoid widespread panic, NASA has declined to make the alarming discovery public. But Dr. Sherwinski's contacts at the agency's Chandra X-ray Observatory leaked to him striking images of the newly discovered chaos cloud obliterating a large asteroid.

"It's like watching a helpless hog being dissolved in a vat of acid," one NASA scientist told Dr. Sherwinski.

Ordinarily, Hawkings Radiation is harmless.

"It's produced when an electron- positron pair are at the event horizon of a black hole," Dr. Sherwinski explained. "The intense curvature of space-time of the hole can cause the positron to fall in, while the electron escapes."

But when "infected" by mangled information from the black hole, the particles become a chaos cloud, which in turn mangles everything it touches.

"If it continues unchecked, the chaos cloud will eventually reduce our galaxy to the state of absolute chaos that existed before the birth of the universe," the astrophysicist warned.

Some scientists say mankind's best hope would be to build a "space ark" and hightail it to the Andromeda Galaxy, 2.1 million light-years away.

"We wouldn't be able to save the entire human population, but perhaps the best and the brightest," observed British rocket scientist Dr. David Hall, when asked about the feasibility of such a project.

But even if such a craft could be built in time, evacuating Earth might prove fruitless if theories about the origin of the chaos cloud are correct.

"A black hole at the center of Andromeda is about 15 times the size of the one in our own galaxy," Dr. Sherwinski noted. "It might be like jumping out of the frying pan into the fire."

Speaking under the condition of anonymity, a senior White House official said the president's top science advisors are taking the findings in stride.

"This is a lot like global warming, where the jury is still out on whether it's real or not," said the official.

"The existence of this so called chaos cloud is only a theory. Americans shouldn't panic until all the facts are in."

[NERV]

i believe there is a real cosmic cloud headed our way but its not gonna dissolve the planet, just make the sky a little less clear and maybe make the planet a little colder wheneve it shows up

[Kin]

Maybe they're observing floating pee in space left by an astronaut....

[Ignacio Ocamica]

Okay, that leaves us 9 more years

Time to sit back, relax, do the nasty thing with our girlfriends and collect macross products

[Jemstone]

I seriously doubt there are star eating, acidic dust nebulas out there. Cambridge? Sounds like an MIT injoke.

[Zentrandude]

like they even put down what time. hopfully by 2010 i would built my cargo ship and sell macross bootlegs to aliens by then

odd ava jem so you like smurfs?

[eugimon]

hmmmm... so I guess it's pointless to save up to buy a house then. oh well. I guess I will be a renter until the day I die.

[Flaming Guantlet]

Ok lets see, we got meteors, tsunamis, food shotages, nuclear winter, supernovas, pandemics, aliens, achient prophecies, and now a planet dissolving cloud? Thats a new one. Makes ya wonder how the world is NOT gonna end eh?

Edited September 21, 2005 by Flaming Guantlet

[Mr March]

There is always some asteroid/radiation/cosmic menace about to wipe out all life on Earth found by some guy looking through a telescope. Is it possible? Absolutely! Is it likely? Eeehhh, not really. Is there anything we could do about it? Nope.

Kinda reminds me of (and no offense to anyone) the predictions of inevitable disaster found in so many religions. The sky is always falling and we've been on the brink of armageddon for thousands of years...except life goes on unabated. Stories like this are pretty much just an attempt at similar fear-inducing tales of ever-impending doom.

So, what are you gonna do for the next 9 years?

[bsu legato]

So, what are you gonna do for the next 9 years?

330408[/snapback]

Well, in anticipation of prohibitively high gas prices, I've already cut the ass out of my leather pants. It looks like I'll be looting and raping for the next few years. Does anybody know where I can find a "golden youth" to ride shotgun?

[Duke Togo]

What I want to know is whether it will turn my skin pink, or cause me to have no hips?

[VF-18S Hornet]

Sounds like someone is doing research for a new story for a movie or TV series for the Sci-Fi channel and trying to get feedback on it

[VF-18S Hornet]

What I want to know is whether it will turn my skin pink, or cause me to have no hips?

330415[/snapback]

LOL

[Druna Skass]

$5 says this will be a premise for another piece of crap from hollywood.

[JB0]

Sounds like someone is doing research for a new story for a movie or TV series for the Sci-Fi channel and trying to get feedback on it

330418[/snapback]

Weekly World News article, actually.

[Ed.Coli]

$5 says this will be a premise for another piece of crap from hollywood.

330426[/snapback]

Star Trek: The Motion Picture did this already. Turned out to be V'Ger all along.

[Hiriyu]

Weekly World News article, actually.

330444[/snapback]

...And you know this, why? I thought that you were OK, up until that comment.

BTW, the UFO-flying-lizard-alien guys that live in the center of the earth are gonna be pissed about this one. I have it on good authority.

[Noriko Takaya]

Sounds like someone is doing research for a new story for a movie or TV series for the Sci-Fi channel and trying to get feedback on it

330418[/snapback]

Weekly World News article, actually.

330444[/snapback]

Yep, it's been confirmed. Here ya go: http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/features/science/61501.

By the way, I wonder how Bat Boy is going to take all this. I imagine this is what he will look like when the cloud hits Earth.

[Mr March]

So, what are you gonna do for the next 9 years?

330408[/snapback]

Well, in anticipation of prohibitively high gas prices, I've already cut the ass out of my leather pants. It looks like I'll be looting and raping for the next few years. Does anybody know where I can find a "golden youth" to ride shotgun?

330411[/snapback]

LOL

Last thing I wanna see you doing is that bsu. I'll hope for low oil prices soon

[ComicKaze]

$5 says this will be a premise for another piece of crap from hollywood.

330426[/snapback]

Star Trek: The Motion Picture did this already. Turned out to be V'Ger all along.

330446[/snapback]

But we only have Fat William Shatner and he may be dead by 2014!!! Who will save us???

[trueblueeyes]

So, what are you gonna do for the next 9 years?

330408[/snapback]

Well, in anticipation of prohibitively high gas prices, I've already cut the ass out of my leather pants. It looks like I'll be looting and raping for the next few years. Does anybody know where I can find a "golden youth" to ride shotgun?

330411[/snapback]

Heh! Are you driving the pony? Our Lightning never leaves the garage now, except for occasional weekend drives. I need to start doing some research and find either an economical 4 cylinder, V6, or maybe even a hybrid. Sad to think that the money I'd save on gas for the other cars would probably be enough to cover the payments for whatever we get.

[Zentrandude]

$5 says this will be a premise for another piece of crap from hollywood.

330426[/snapback]

Star Trek: The Motion Picture did this already. Turned out to be V'Ger all along.

330446[/snapback]

But we only have Fat William Shatner and he may be dead by 2014!!! Who will save us???

330477[/snapback]

Lets all email priceline.com to see whos our next savior... no pun intended

Edited September 22, 2005 by Zentrandude

[mikeszekely]

hmmmm... so I guess it's pointless to save up to buy a house then. oh well. I guess I will be a renter until the day I die.

330402[/snapback]

Nah, that's the beauty of it. Buy a big home you can't afford. Make payments sporadically, call them to make other arrangements, etc, to string them along for a few years. Then finally quit paying and default. When they come to repo your home and kick you out, who cares? Black hole farts are gonna kill your ass anyway.

[nightmareB4macross]

Folks read until the end, it's only a theory. For all we know, it could be this guy.

Just passing gas, from getting indigestion eating a planets all day.

[Zentrandude]

Should tell taco bell to stop selling planet sized diarrhea surpreme to unicron.

[JB0]

Weekly World News article, actually.

330444[/snapback]

...And you know this, why? I thought that you were OK, up until that comment.

Popped up on Snopes while I was looking for something, actually.

But I DO make a point of checking the front page of the WWW when I'm at the store. It's always good for a laugh.

[NERV]

lol jem whered u get that avatar?

[Jemstone]

lol jem whered u get that avatar?

330682[/snapback]

Friend of mine was drawing "New Smurfs" for a laugh some many months back. Then the other day I saw his original "Gangsta Hefty" pic online complete with those subtitles. Don't know who did that but it too good pass up. It was that or my stupid Halo Kitty.

Now what was that about Unicron's farts being deadly?

[promethuem5]

Was there ever any question?

[Hurin]

To avoid widespread panic, NASA has declined to make the alarming discovery public. But Dr. Sherwinski's contacts at the agency's Chandra X-ray Observatory leaked to him striking images of the newly discovered chaos cloud obliterating a large asteroid.

If they really wanted to fool anyone, they should have left this part out. As far as I know, there is no way that we could see an asteroid from that distance (9 light years). Yet, we apparently have a nice polaroid of it being demolished by this menacing cloud.

H

[big F]

Well It`s a shame the worlds gonna end, I was just starting to like it. Just enough time to go to the shops and buy some bread and a quart of milk and then I best get packing..

Large Transformer farts not the end I`d wish for....

[uminoken]

Looks like Sci-Fi beat hollywood to it....

http://www.scifi.com/pathofdestruction/

Course after seeing pics of Rita and good ole' Lake Chuck, nanobot death clouds just don't scare me anymore....

[Sarensaas]

Sounds like someone is doing research for a new story for a movie or TV series for the Sci-Fi channel and trying to get feedback on it

330418[/snapback]

Weekly World News article, actually.

330444[/snapback]

I was looking at the WWN at the checkout today when I was buying groceries. It said that there are people alive trapped on the Titanic.

I would have though James Cameron would have seen them when he was down there...their reporters really go all out, I guess.

[Ishimaru]

I will never finish collecting and loving Macross in time I will only be 19 how sad . I will never make love . I will never get a nice car . I wont finish college. I will never finish building Macross kits which I never started on. Curse you cloud why cant you go get rid of Pluto who needs that planet no one lives thier.

Edited September 25, 2005 by Dean

[JB0]

I quiot believing all the end of hte world prophecies after we failed to get in the Crystalis war back in 1999.