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Posted (edited)

Dam these are funny!

"He holds the world speed record for jet-turtle, 213mph, which he set on June 18th, 1998 at the Bonneville Salt Flats on the back of a Carolina Snapping Turtle wearing rollerskates with 6 JATO rockets strapped to his back."

hahaha what! :lol:

"The Legend of Zelda is based on the adventures of Vin Diesel battling Adolph Hitler and the Nazis in World War 2."

Edited by Legend of TSXer
Posted
:lol::lol::lol::lol: where do you guys find this stuff anyhow. do you just search the internet all day looking for strange things
Posted

Some of these are totally funny, this one's my favorite

"The Ebola virus never actually existed. That's just what happens to your body naturally after Vin Diesel socks you good in the breadbasket. " :lol:

Posted (edited)

My fav.

"There is no emoticon for the way Vin Diesel feels. "

"Vin Diesel will bury us all. "

"Vin Diesel was able to watch all of Contact. "

"Vin Diese is neither left or right handed, he's middle. " :o

"Vin Diesel plays "The King" in Burger King's Wake Up With The King TV commercials. He is paid in Angus beef. " Ah Ha! So it's him!

"Vin Diesel killed Kenny. He is a bastard. " :p

Edited by Wes
Posted (edited)

what the?

Vin Diesel eats coal, shits diamonds, and then sells the diamonds to buy more coal.

edit:

heh got it to repeat. it said hes alcy consumption was greater than the sewage of maryland twice.

my frav so far is

The movie The Chronicles of Riddick is actually a heavily altered version of a piece of Megaman X3 fanfiction Vin Diesel wrote called "Mavericks On Tour," in which the eight bosses from the game formed a rock band and played around the world. The character of Riddick is based on Crush Crawfish.
Edited by Zentrandude
Posted
Vin Diesel was behind Franz Ferdinand's assassination in June 1914, thus starting World War 1. He claims it on "having a shitty morning".
Vin Diesel was responsible for the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand. It happened because nobody came to his fifteen millionth birthday party.

So, which was it? :p

Posted (edited)
Vin Diesel was behind Franz Ferdinand's assassination in June 1914, thus starting World War 1. He claims it on "having a shitty morning".
Vin Diesel was responsible for the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand. It happened because nobody came to his fifteen millionth birthday party.

So, which was it? :p

He was having a shitty morning because no one came to his birthday party. Duh.

:lol:

Edited by DarkPhoenix
Posted (edited)

A very elegant answer, Dark Phoenix. :D

Here's one of my own -- (I'd send it, but I don't trust the e-mail address. I've got a remarkable run of no spam in my box :) )

"Contrary to popular belief, the man with an arrow in his eye on the Bayeux Tapestry is not King Harold of England. It is actually Vin Diesel. What the tapestry doesn't show is that after pulling the arrow out, he casually flung it and skewered three Norman knights like a massive shishkebab, and then took the throne of England for himself. William the Conquerer only won England from Vin in a game of high-stakes poker on ESPN."

Edited by Pat Payne
Posted

:lol:

Contrary to what historians want you to believe the atomic bombs that were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki were not actually bombs at all, they were actually Vin Diesel's orgasms. Vin has not had sex since, and may god help us all if he ever does.

:unsure:

Posted
:lol:

Contrary to what historians want you to believe the atomic bombs that were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki were not actually bombs at all, they were actually Vin Diesel's orgasms. Vin has not had sex since, and may god help us all if he ever does.

:unsure:

Actually, I just heard he did it another way:

"Vin Diesel caused the nuclear explosion at Hiroshima, just by pointing to Japan on a combination globe/pencil sharpener. "

Posted (edited)

These ones I like.

" Little puppies, kittens, and the French will not go near him."

" Vin Diesel told Admiral Ackbar about the "Trap"."

"When Vin Diesel wishes to mail a letter, he forces it down the throat of the nearest housepet, then hurls the animal in the direction of the recipient's house."

"When Vin Diesel begins work on a new film project, he bludgeons a hobo to death with a hammer for good luck. For even better luck, he devours the corpse. For the best luck possible, he throws the bones at school children during recess."

"The movie The Chronicles of Riddick is actually a heavily altered version of a piece of Megaman X3 fanfiction Vin Diesel wrote called "Mavericks On Tour," in which the eight bosses from the game formed a rock band and played around the world. The character of Riddick is based on Crush Crawfish."

"Vin Diesel has won the international potato sack skateboarding consecutively for the last 7 years, stealing the crown from the previous holder, Tom selleck. In 1998, Vin pioneered the 'inverted tater bag head back flip', which involves removing the sack and placing it over your head, while simultaneously standing on your head on the board and back flipping, a move that was taught to him by his master, Mr. Selleck, who could not actually complete the manuver himself. Selleck was so crushed that his apprentice had finally reached a level higher than himself that he swore never to potatosack skateboard again, and is now the leader of an anti potatosack skateboarding cult in Northwest Belgium."

Edited by Flaming Guantlet
Posted (edited)

Some of my faves:

"Is the actual creator of Calvin and Hobbes. He is secretly going around the country at night dressed as a ninja killing anyone who has one of those "peeing Calvin" stickers on their car."

"Vin Diesel speaks in THX certified sound."

"Vin Diesel has solved all of history's greatest problems with ho-slappings and his unique ability to ejaculate anti-matter."

"Vin Diesel invented the Accordion, but it was originally meant to be, solely, a murder weapon. It wasnt until 1913 that it began being used as an instrument. Vin has accepted this and has no bitter feelings towards the French."

"Vin Diesel was the real creator of Spawn, not Todd McFarlane. In fact, Vin Diesel IS Spawn, and using his awesome hell powers, he thought up the greatest sci-fi movies ever, including Alien, Blade Runner, and Terminator. He also starred in all of them, as both the main characters and as the monsters, and his favorite roles were those of Newt, the Alien Queen, Pris, and John Connor, while simultaneously impregnating all the supposed people who played the above-mentioned roles, and causing all of them to give birth to their own grandchildren, because his semen is really Red Bull energy drink."

Edited by Sephiroth
Posted

Vin Diesel is banned by law from speaking in public because his voice sets off

car alarms.

Vin Diesel is actually a black man suffering from the same skin condition as

Michael Jackson.

Vin Diesel is the illegitimate child of Bruce Lee and Coco the gorilla.

Vin Diesel stole Uncle Ben's rice and forced it down the throat of every

adolescent male in America.

On a guest appearance on "Pimp My Ride", Vin Diesel simply sat in the car and it

was officially pimped.

Vin Diesel's sweat was the "Chemical X" that spawned the Powerpuff Girls.

The use of Vin Diesel for combat purposes was deemed a war crime by the United

Nations.

Since Vin Diesel has been classified as the first human disaster area, your

insurance company will not cover you for any damage he causes.

Vin Diesel sells propane and propane accessories.

In past lives, Vin Diesel has been Hercules, He-Man, and Conan the Barbarian.

When challenged to a duel, Vin Diesel refused a weapon. He caught his opponent's

bullet and threw it back. His opponent's body was so utterly destroyed that DNA

testing was required to identify the corpse. The body was identified as Bond,

James Bond.

Vin Diesel personally punched every crater into the moon just to mess with

astronomer's heads.

Vin Diesel is on permanent standby with the U.S. Army as a weapon of last

resort.

Vin Diesel had sex with a great white shark just to prove a point. :blink:

:p:D:lol:

Posted
The ripping-the-heart-out-of-the-chest scene in "Temple of Doom" was inspired by a Vin Diesel childhood story. Vin told Steven Spielberg that he performed the maneuver on his first grade teacher when the teacher erroneously gave Vin a "check minus" for a spelling grade. Vin spelled "serendipitously" correctly, but the teacher thought it was spelled "serendipidously". Vin spelled it aloud again in-between bites of Ms. Bennes' heart.
Vin Diesel created Earth as an expansion pack to Command & Conquer.
Vin Diesel ripped out of all Charlie Brown's hair but left a single strand to remind him one day he'd come back to eat him.
  • 2 weeks later...
Posted (edited)

"Vin Diesel expected the Spanish Inquisition and welcomed it with open arms"

"Vin Diesel made a food chart that adds a necessary food group: The souls of your enemies."

"Vin Diesel once had to choose between saving a baby or the baby's mother from a burning house. Since it wouldn't have been fair to choose, he instead cooked a BLT and peppered the sandwich with their ashes."

'Vin Diesel is the inspiration for the character "Osaka" on Azumanga Daioh. Kiyohiko Azuma and Diesel met while hunting saltwater crocodiles, but Azuma changed his character to a spacey Japanese girl after an argument they have not reconciled from. No one knows why Diesel didn't just use his lasers after their arguement." :blink:

Edited by uminoken
Posted (edited)
The Mexican Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) originated when Vin Diesel was served an unsatisfactory dinner in Guadelajara.
Vin Diesel is the third Olsen Twin.
VIN DIESEL ONLY TYPES IN ALL CAPS. WHY? HE'S TOO XXX-TREME FOR CASE SENSITIVITY.
The limit as n approaches infinity of log(n^(6n)) = Vin Diesel, for all real numbers.

:lol:

I got a good one about feeding Vin after midnight being the origin of someone I've never heard of.. But I pressed refresh too fast.. :\

Edited by Wesker99
Posted
"Vin Diesel plays "The King" in Burger King's Wake Up With The King TV commercials. He is paid in Angus beef. " Ah Ha! So it's him!

Seemed like a good opportunity to post my favorite picture ever.

post-26-1115915939_thumb.jpg

Posted
"Vin Diesel plays "The King" in Burger King's Wake Up With The King TV commercials. He is paid in Angus beef. "          Ah Ha!  So it's him!

Seemed like a good opportunity to post my favorite picture ever.

BK's new mascot is the damn creepiest and most disturbing one I've seen. WTF were they thinking when they approved the advertising campaign?!

Posted
"Vin Diesel plays "The King" in Burger King's Wake Up With The King TV commercials. He is paid in Angus beef. "          Ah Ha!  So it's him!

Seemed like a good opportunity to post my favorite picture ever.

BK's new mascot is the damn creepiest and most disturbing one I've seen. WTF were they thinking when they approved the advertising campaign?!

Yah some of the commericals seems like hes going to kill the person with fatty foods and using the element of surprise on his victoms.

Posted
"Vin Diesel plays "The King" in Burger King's Wake Up With The King TV commercials. He is paid in Angus beef. "          Ah Ha!  So it's him!

Seemed like a good opportunity to post my favorite picture ever.

BK's new mascot is the damn creepiest and most disturbing one I've seen. WTF were they thinking when they approved the advertising campaign?!

Yah some of the commericals seems like hes going to kill the person with fatty foods and using the element of surprise on his victoms.

the one where the guy is driving and he looks in his rearview and the king is sititng in hsi back seta is th bets one, guy like slams on his brakes and looks all scared/confused, then the king hands him a burger

Posted

I got these:

Consuming 8 ounces of Vin Diesel per day lowers your cholesterol, and has enough antioxidants to help prevent cancer.
Vin Diesel owns the dog from Duck Hunt
Vin Diesel gets high by snorting small Canadian children.
Vin Diesel was chosen by counsel of Elrond to take the Ring of power to the crack of Mount Doom.
Vin Diesel owns the last remaining Tab soda machine in existence.
Vin Diesel is 72% badass and 28% cornbread.

:lol::lol:

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