Transformers the Movie

[Macross73]

any one been on the official movie website forums.

the Line has definately been drawn either your in witht I Love it Camp or

your in with the I Hate Everything Camp.

the majority of folks writing appear to hate the designs.

its just an incredible departure of what most (and me) are use to.

I can understand wanting to update the looks of the cars and such

but nobody said that they had to. The 1st image that comes to mind

for me when someone says Transformers is the classic rendition of

Optimus Prime. I imagine thats what everybody thinks of when the

topic comes up. I'm with the I Hate It Camp, if things really are

progressing as everyones reporting.....well what can I say except: I Hate It

[the white drew carey]

After seeing the pics of Prime, I think it looks like shite.

I can understand trying to update the designs to a more plausible, less basic transformation and form, but they went waaaay to far past that into the ass-end of ludicrously over-complicated designs with far too much bulging and protruding parts.

[Radd]

I'm with the WDC. Not only did I expect them to change the character designs, I was looking forward to it. I thought that as long as they stuck to some basic iconic references to the characters, things would be fine. I liked that they were dumping the size changing and, and gleefully read reports that they were going for realistic transformations.

Then they revealed that they'd gone with the illigitmate love child of General Greivous and Johnny 5. Heck, I like Alternator's Prime more than this movie Prime.

I'm not too upset, though. Dissapointed, yes, but I won't waste time fretting. As much as I like Transformers, I've long since come to terms that I actually dislike most of what is done with the brand. As long as the Alternators and Masterpiece lines keep going, I'll be happy. Classics looks alright for the most part, too.

[Lightning]

oh well, at least it'll be the good popcorn flick for the summer...

....wait, Bumblebee's a 4th-gen Camaro?? WTF?..........well, Camaro prices are gonna go up next summer.....

[Golden Arms]

oh well, at least it'll be the good popcorn flick for the summer...

....wait, Bumblebee's a 4th-gen Camaro?? WTF?..........well, Camaro prices are gonna go up next summer.....

Yeah he is, and Jazz is going to be a Pontiac Solstice. Bumblebee larger than Jazz, WTF?

Starscream and Megatron are the worst designs of them all.

[Repiv_Onex]

New pictures?

More links and pictures in http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=24396

[The Shade]

Is it just me, or are the flames on Primes body reminding me of "The Fast & The Furious"? Is Vin Diesel in this movie?

[CoryHolmes]

Better that Prime than

this one.

Or this one, for that matter:

[The Shade]

Better that Prime than

this one.

Or this one, for that matter:

[Twoducks]

Personally I find a lot more interesting this designs than the toy and G1 inspired designs that are already popping up in amateur CG animations. If I go see a TF movie I want to see more thought out designs that are only possible thanks to today’s special effects, not something someone with good 3D modelling skills can do on his own at home.

Give it time and you will see more G1 inspired CGI short films. They are a great way to show off computer animation and modelling skills.

[CoryHolmes]

Personally I find a lot more interesting this designs than the toy and G1 inspired designs that are already popping up in amateur CG animations. If I go see a TF movie I want to see more thought out designs that are only possible thanks to today’s special effects, not something someone with good 3D modelling skills can do on his own at home.

Give it time and you will see more G1 inspired CGI short films. They are a great way to show off computer animation and modelling skills.

This may be so, but asking the denizens of Macrossworld to be patient, wait, and see before going off on a rant is impossible

[Uxi]

They should have made Megatron an artillery cannon or something, kind of like Galvitron, if they were going to make him big.

This is what I ALWAYS thought Megatron should be. The whole shrinking gun thing (even to transformer sized, much less human sized) was always kind of ridiculous to me... A tank doesn't work because he has no tank pieces (tread, etc) and there are OTHER transformers that do that. Megs should be a big 155mm arty piece M198 or M777...

[Ladic]

Script Review???

***SPOILERS****

movie script

Transformers Movie Script (live-action)

(Reviewed on 09/01/2006)

I've been thinking about how I was going to start this review off for a few days now. I was looking for a single sentence that properly captured my thoughts on this script in such a way so as to leave you with no doubt just how this treatment touched me -- personally touched me -- just like your alcoholic, pedophilic uncle liked to touch you. Below is that sentence:

The script to the Michael Bay directed Transformers Movie is a half-aborted monster that bares no likeness at all to the previous incarnations of its namesake, and still has the clothes-hanger sticking out of its mongoloid skull in a vile mockery of the brilliance that it could have (and should have) been.

Pretty much everything that could be wrong IS wrong with this script (dated 2/28/2006 and subtitled "Prime Directive"). I'll get into all of this in a bit, but just as an overview I'll mention that the characters' personalities don't match their namesakes; the line "more than meets the eye" is cheesily overused to gut-punchingly cringing results; the logic of the world created within the script is shat upon quite regularly within the confines of the story itself; the comedy "beats" are horrible and made me open my mouth not in laughter, but in gasping shame; and in the mighty tradition of Masters of the Universe, the focus of most of the film is NOT on the larger-than-life 1980s heroes based on toys (whom we WANT to see more of), instead the spotlight of the story is on the (wussy) human boy who's just trying to score some tail by way of the too-hot-for-him chick who gets tangled up in the unforgiving narrative with him (both of whom we want to see LESS of).

Before I really get into this typed trainwreck of a story, I want to cover the travesty that is the character "designs" being used in this movie. Yes, Prime is now a lame-looking 18 wheeler with flames painted on his side; Megatron is the bastard child of an Evangelion and the Guyver, dipped in mercury; Starscream looks like he's half monkey in robot mode; and Soundwave is an "anorexic," flattened robot with a mouth... Not to mention that the leaked photos and production designs of Prime's and Bumblebee's robot forms look like Bionicle rejects, leaving no trace of their vehicle identities in their transformation. Every bit of information that is leaked about this movie seems to prove that NOBODY involved knew jack poo about the transformers before they came aboard this project. But I digress.

Back to the script (which I've heard is either just a 1st draft, or the actual shooting script... I have no idea [nor do I truly care] which it is seeing that all the leaked photos, set visits and listings on the IMDB show that most, if not all, of what's in this treatment is in the actual movie). It is bad. Bad, terrible, horrible, abhorrent, appalling, frightful, dreadful, atrocious, repulsive, obnoxious and offensive. Pick your synonym. Even if the movie wasn't called "Transformers" and the characters weren't named "Optimus Prime," "Starscream," and "Megatron" this movie would still be bad. The dialogue is as cliche as it gets. The action (as written in the 112 page draft I read) was non-exciting and far from awe-inspiring. This is most definitely NOT what millions of people have waited years and years, since their childhood, to see.

On top of the bad, generic poo that they poured all over this script like a vial of monkey piss, they altered everything about the original Transformers storyline that made it so fun. The Transformers aren't here by accident anymore and there's no Cybertron (it was apparently destroyed and we never even get to see a glimpse of it even in flashback). On top of that, none of the original character interactions were left intact either: Megatron and Starscream aren't bitter rivals in this universe; Bumblebee is supposed to be like Snake Eyes from G.I. Joe now (all mute and not the chatterbox that he was known to be); and for whatever reason they thought it was necessary, Prime and Megatron are brothers... I don't know if that means that they were both squatted out by the same mommy-machine or just "brothers in arms," but it's retarded. Why they didn't bring Arcee into the picture and make Prime and Megs fight over her sweet, pink, angular ass instead I'll never know.

Let me cover the (wafer thin) plot now: Spike Witwicky... Er, sorry, I meant SAM Witwicky is a nerdy loser with only an even lamer farttard as his only friend. Sam wants a car so that he can finally get some poontang (like there is any way that a simple car will solve all of his many many Earthly problems). Sam's dad takes him to an AUTO JUNK YARD (whatta guy!), and they end up buying a beat up Camero that seems to have a personality of its own. Then, like somebody stated on one of the message boards I visit, the next 30 pages reads like a bad Herbie movie... Yes, even worse than the Firecrotch Lohan one. The Camero (Bumblebee in disguise, shhhhh!) helps Sam get on the good side of the school slurm (awwwww, melts your heart) and eventually saves Sam from the evil Transformer Brawl (not a tank Combaticon like in the cartoon, but a police car for whatever reason) who wants Sam's great-grandfather's glasses... Not making this poo up.

Yes, big robots start making their appearance around this time, but it still doesn't get exciting. A Decepticon helicopter and Skorponok (Skorponok?!? What the hell?) attack a US army base in the Middle East, and at least on paper it read like Jane Austin preparing for bed (to be fair, if there's one thing Bay can do it's make things explode pretty, so this part of the finished film should at least be interesting... if I ever go to see it... which I probably won't). Then Soundwave (a four-foot tall, "anorexic" robot with a mouth [no face plate]) hacks the Pentagon computers from Air Force One (why do it on the most guarded plane in the world at 30,000 feet?... Why not?), and soon a HILARIOUS human cryptologist/hacker couple (one paranoid white woman and one "funny," fat, black man) come into play, and warn the government that outer space robots are attacking.... That's all they do in the whole script really, yet they're written into every bit of space that they can be fit into because, well, "funny," fat, black man = comedy GOLD! GOLD I say!

Then Optimus Prime comes down from the heavens with his posse, Ironhide, Jazz, and Ratchet. But they're not the OP and crew that we all know and love. OP is really kind of a dick (who forsakes teammates when they could EASILY have been rescued from stupid humans), Ironhide is apparently brain damaged, and Jazz is a shitty American wannabe Porsche. Well, they show up and team up with mute Bumblebee to find Sam's ancestor's glasses. Then they get them. The glasses lead them to the "energon cube" (aka the BIGGEST MCGUFFIN DEVICE EVER WRITTEN INTO FILM) which is not a source of energy, but a mini Borg ship that gives anything with electronics in it life... And the ability to transform into a humanoid creature... No, this does not really pay off at all during the course of this story. It just is.

Anyway, at the EXACT SAME TIME that the Autobots ("AUTOnomous roBOTS") track down the energon cube, the Decepticons find it as well because the writers are hacks. The cube is inside Hoover Dam, and so is *gasp* the eye-gougingly bad design known as "Megatron." Megatron is frozen, but he soon thaws (it's not worth it to explain this poo any more than I already am, trust me), and meets up with the rest of the Decepticons (Starscream, Devastator [who is not an amalgam of Constructicons but simply a tank], Brawl, Soundwave, and some other second fiddle characters that never made an impression on me in the original cartoon). The Decepticons then fight the Autobots over the cube, and everything that you thought would happen from the very beginning comes to pass: The Autobots win and the Decepticons are defeated (all dead except for Starscream who got away). Yes, they killed Megatron at the end of the movie... Actually SAM kills him.... Yes, I know. I fartING know. What a waste of an hour to read this thing.

Now to talk randomly about things that sucked in this script beyond the basic plot (and there are a LOT):

I just wanted to point out again the fact that they use the line "more than meets the eye" like 25 times through out the course of this thing.

Sam's potential meat-socket is no Carly, but is instead a hoodlum who likes to steal cars (or at least help those that do).

Okay, yeah, Bumblebee's voice box was damaged years ago in a battle and he can't talk now... He's a farting ROBOT. All he needs is a repair or a new voice box! The Autobots even have a medic/mechanic on their side. Just fix the bastard!

Jesus H. Christ... the bad jokes.... Not only are they dumb and unfunny, but they hurt the story (well, what little of it there was that didn't outright suck). Take the scene where Prime first appears on Earth. He immediately scans the internet and downloads all of the information catalogued there, and he then knows EVERYTHING about the planet -- like what kind of beings Sam and his batty are, and where they're currently located. Well, despite this, Prime sees that there are more Chinese people on the planet than anybody else, so he speaks to Sam in Chinese.... *cricket noises*.... This is built up to be one of the most GUT-BUSTINGLY funny scenes in the flick. Oh lordy, lordy, lordy... Please, God, kill these writers so they don't write any more "movies," or multiply in numbers.

Other instances of hiLARious comedy moments are: Bumblebee pees oil on John Turturro's character and then steals his pants (NOT MAKING THIS CRAP UP); any of Sam and his re-re friend's dialogue when they're together; and the worst piece of dialogue in the entire 112 pages where in Sam and the girl... You know what, placing it in context won't help it any. Here's the conversation:

-- Sam: "Is the cube okay?"

-- Chick: "Yes! It's wearing it's [sic] seatbelt!"

They look at each other oddly (guffaw!!!)

-- Sam: "Wow, we just sounded like parents." (HA HA HA!!! HA HA HA HA HA!!! OH MY GOD YES, THAT'S THE FUNNIEST FUCING... BWA HA HA HASHDHAHA!!!!!!!11111one11 URINATEPANTS!!11111)

If these hacks seriously HAD to put in a certain amount of comedy in this movie (or ANY action movie for that matter) why don't they just hire somebody like Seanbaby to punch up the humor? You know, somebody who's actually FUNNY and knows the source material. Oh, who am I kidding, the writers of this script have got to be getting so much ass at all the big Hollywood parties they go to. They are SO GODDAMN WITTY and sharp and NOT fags. Dirty, dirty butt pirates.

Masters of the Universe, Catwoman, Street Fighter, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Godzilla, Super Mario Brothers.... And now Transformers. The raping of my childhood is now complete.

Yes, yes, yes, I know... It's only a movie (well, a script here). "Don't get so upset about it. There's wars in the Middle East, starving kids in Africa, and a madman in charge of nukes in North Korea," you say. What the hell does a dumb movie about giant robots have to do with anything really?... Well, as I've stated before on my other site: If you're going to do something -- whether it be writing a review, kidnapping a billionaire's child, or making a $200million motion picture, DO IT RIGHT. Michael Bay is NOT doing it right. He's doing everything wrong in fact. This script gets a negative 5 out of a possible positive 5 Stars of Transformable Justice, and may God have mercy on its soul.

http://www.therossman.com/rrr/other/tfscript.html

***END SPOILERS***

[Lightning]

damn, he really didnt like the script at all, did he?

[promethuem5]

No, but he certainly /did/ read it. That's pretty much how I felt after finishing it too.... and the Transformers are still my favorite franchise ever.... just not this 'movie'...

[Mr March]

Reading that was actually entertaining I'm sure the film won't be quite as bad as all that, but I've no faith in Bay and the movies this reviewer compared to Transformers were all terrible. I can't wait for more reviews

[Macross73]

After reading that review i really am sad.

i had high hopes for this movie.

Then pics got leaked and i still hoped for something special.

I waited for more info , anything positive, and nothing....

[Skull Leader]

this is why I never read scripts before I see a movie. Without seeing the visual effects, the actors/characters, and hearing the soundtrack you're only getting a piece of the whole picture. NO... it's not gonna be just like the original series. Fans should be used to getting assraped like that by now. The best thing to do is approach it with an open mind.

But then, that's probably too much to ask of the membership of this place. Spielberg will be condemned to a thousand christian hells before the movie even hits the theaters... another project doomed before it's had a chance to (possibly) justify it's own existence.

[jenius]

Why must people insist upon de-valuing their own opinion by degenerating into profanity-laced rants and child-like antics? I was genuinely getting bummed about the state of this script but after the last couple paragraphs I'm forced to wonder if this guy isn't just really angry because this movie isn't being made exactly as HE would make it. Then again, he does point out some terrible-sounding stuff... I just wish he would have stopped writing a bit sooner.

[anime52k8]

But then, that's probably too much to ask of the membership of this place. Spielberg will be condemned to a thousand christian hells before the movie even hits the theaters... another project doomed before it's had a chance to (possibly) justify it's own existence.

wait, what's spielberg got to do with this? if he was directing I would actual have a lot of confidence in this movie.

[HWR MKII]

wait, what's spielberg got to do with this? if he was directing I would actual have a lot of confidence in this movie.

He is senior producer.

[vlenhoff]

Wow, I hope this movie doesn't suck... Such a tease... Wow "The" Transformers movie is being filmed... and then you see the new designs, and can't help to think WTH? I hope Kawamori din't design these new TF creations

I sort of like the weird "alien" look to them, but now they almost look like junkyard bots...

I guess I'll wait to watch the movie and then opiniate.

[Uxi]

That review was hilarious.

[buddhafabio]

i have some serious spoilers and more pictures with 4 pages of script

http://www.filmwad.com/transformers-365-p.html

[Macross73]

if thats going to be the way the dialog is set throught out the movie i'll pass.

and uh.... yeah American Idol

Edited September 15, 2006 by Macross73

[chrono]

Why they didn't bring Arcee into the picture and make Prime and Megs fight over her sweet, pink, angular ass instead I'll never know.

Yeah that would've been entertaining! And alot better then the script, because then it would've been a romantic comedy that every TF fan would've passed on even without the image releases.

But overall I agree that the real stars didn't get enough air time, but that's a cost issue.

[Lightning]

ok, after reading the new copy of Hot Rod Magazine, I think it's kinda cool they made Bumblebee a 2nd Gen Camaro......(I had thought he was gonna be a 4th gen, that's what was turning me off)

[chrono]

He will be. It's a visual version of "this isn't YOUR Transformers anymore" cue. Mid-ending he changes from a 2nd gen to a 4th gen via nano-handwavium.

[promethuem5]

Yup. And the sucking continues.

[the white drew carey]

You know, I'm usually one to give a movie a fighting chance no matter how bad the fan-boyism raves against it, but I really, REALLY am beginning to think this movie was made with hate. Pure, evil, hate.

[Lightning]

He will be. It's a visual version of "this isn't YOUR Transformers anymore" cue. Mid-ending he changes from a 2nd gen to a 4th gen via nano-handwavium.

actually, he very well might be the 5th gen (the '08 when it comes out), cause on those spy pics, there's a new Camaro in the same paintscheme...

[Phyrox]

actually, he very well might be the 5th gen (the '08 when it comes out), cause on those spy pics, there's a new Camaro in the same paintscheme...

That...and that you can clearly see elements of the 5th gen. in the shots of robot Bumblebee's chest.

[Lightning]

That...and that you can clearly see elements of the 5th gen. in the shots of robot Bumblebee's chest.

yeah, you're right.

you know....the more I look at them, the more car parts I'm starting to pick out on the robot modes....

[chrono]

Ah! Sorry my bad I meant 5th gen.

[Lightning]

no biggie, it's gonna be weird seeing new camaros on the road once again...