LMAOROTF
I laughted out loud at that one.
Everything I hold good and sacred has been ripped from me, and I'm not talking about those rock solid hard turds to evacuate.
Okay, I gots me a story to tell.
I work in a 30 story building, and the ground and 2nd floors are open to the public during open business hours. One day my supervisor comes to me and says that there's a trail of crap from the top of the up escalator, on second floor, all the way, and around the corner, to the Men's public washroom. The bathroom was of course empty. That in itself is pretty gross. But get this; Nobody saw who done this. I mean, it's in a public place, during regular business hours, and nobady saw anything, not even security. Come on! Anyways, to avoid or catch the person who'd done this, they(building manager/security) installed two cameras one for each escalator.
True story done, now for my variation:
FIRE PHOTON TORPEDOES!